


Manabond

by Steph1roth



Series: Adventures in Thedas [2]
Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-28 23:45:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 54,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13914735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Steph1roth/pseuds/Steph1roth
Summary: Dreams are a terrible burden for a mage.





	1. Dreams

_She was there again, lost in the Fade. Painfully, agonizingly aware of her time here. Mostly a place of comfort among the more placid spirits of the Fade, but not now. Not since Bethany...her sister...simply gone. They had shared such a special bond, traveling together in their dreams. The Fade was their garden, a garden that now was simply empty. Filled with regretful memories and lingering shadows. She couldn't stop it when the shadows took the form of her memories, replaying the events of her sister's death over and over again in the mind. She could smell the ogres foul breath. Watching helplessly, futilely screaming for her sister. Theresa knew that she couldn't save her, that she was in the Fade and none of it was real. Just when she thought the Ogre would turn to devour her she felt a warm pulse. The Ogre melted away. A warm, lovingly light washed over her. Never did she hesitate to open her eyes when it came, her shadow self the remnants of a spirit that saved her life. She could neither see or hear the spirit clearly but all its meanings were known to her. It had been with her all her life chasing away the demons and nightmares that plagued her mind, the curse of being a mage. No matter how many times she would curse the spirit, curse being a mage it would always return chasing her nightmares away and easing her suffering. She felt its touch filling her with love and comfort. "I miss her so terribly." Was all Theresa could force out, she knew she did have to speak for the spirit to know her inner most thoughts she felt the need to hear the words spoken "I know there was nothing else I could have done, but I... Maker I wish it had been me instead of her." It was what the spirit always impressed to her, something do with the Maker and his grand design. She could not help but feel like there was something she could have done to save her. The spirit knelt closer, enveloping her in it arms. Her head resting over where the spirits heart would be. There was no singular beat but a series of vibrations that resonated where ever the spirit touched her. Closing her eyes, she let the spirit comfort her. She felt the spirits feelings and words, nothing could have been done and the spirit as before was unwilling to let her die yet. Sitting with the spirit in the Fade she allowed herself, as always, to be comforted by the one being that truly understood everything about her._

* * *

 

   She slowly and peacefully came to awareness as always after a visit from the spirit in her dreams. Opening her eyes, she was aware of Swiftrunner laying across her legs on the narrow bed that was too short for her, her feet hanging off the end of the bed. She was aware that she was no longer in Lothering, yes, she was in Kirkwall in her Uncles squalid house sharing a room with her younger brother that resented her and blamed her for his twins death. Looking in his direction she could see he was still asleep and judging from the window it was just before dawn, the sky behind the torn curtain turning a pale blue. She lay in bed for a few more minutes allowing herself to digest everything that happened in her dreams. Where she would be without this spirit astounded her. It gave her so much strength and an otherwise hard and lonely life. Swiftrunner huffed at her when she began to stir.

"Shhhh." She cooed quietly at him "Don't wake him, I'll take you out now before the people are out."

He made a quieter huffing sound before jumping off the bed waiting patiently for her to wash her face and hands and don a clean, well most clean, dress and soft shoes. She would prefer to go barefoot but the streets were dangerously unkempt. Leaving the house quietly, careful not to wake her mother or uncle she took Swiftrunner out for a walk in Lowtown before the bustle of the day. It turned out to be a pleasant morning. They stopped down by the docks to watch the sun burn off the morning fog, watching it rise over the water. She smiled, feeling an overwhelming since of peace. When she heard the dock, hands starting to stir she rose gazing at her hound.

"Come, lets return before it gets busy."

She smiled at him when he barked at her. She stopped by some of the earlier opening shops and bought food for the day. When they returned home everyone was still sleeping, it wasn't more than an hour past dawn. Her dreams often woke her early, unable to sleep afterward, she usually the first one up. Starting on breakfast with Swiftrunner's help of course, she began getting ready for the day being sure to pack some of her cooking for Varric. Carver was the first one to step out. He watched her for a few moments, he was always jealous of all the attention she got even if it was unwanted. No one ever saw him or he had to work really, really hard to get it only to have her steal it without a thought. He swallowed his rising anger and stopped next to the cooking pot.

"You were tossing and turning last night...again” he added after a moment as if it had disturbed him terribly, it had but not the way he was willing to admit.

She was didn't immediately respond. He grew impatient with her, grabbing her shoulder and turning her to face him when she stood. He searched her face but obviously didn't find what he was looking for and frowned.

"What do you want me to say, Carver?" she asked softly.

"Can't you make those...things..." he had no other words for them " stop?"

"Not every bad dream is plagued by demons Carver." She replied prying his hand off her arm.

"Isn't it?" he asked in an accusing tone.

"I'm not going to argue with you about my dreams Carver, I just don't have to energy to fight with you." She said looking rather weary herself, worry lines having taken hold of the corners of her eyes and at the corners of her mouth, it had even started graying her hair. "Besides we have work today, we have a promise to keep. So, get ready." She said changing the subject and moving away from both the pot and her brother.

* * *

 

Varric was up and waiting for them when they arrived, not that he was happy about being up so early. He was waiting for them in his suite. "I hope you brought me something to make up for being up at this ungodly hour, Hawke." He groused at her when she walked in.

She smiled as warmly as she could “I didn't forget." She said quietly, handing him the still warm and steaming bundle "hot off the cook fire."

"I'm going out to the Taproom," Carver said suddenly not wanting to be near his sister.

"All right..." she said her voice trailing away at his retreating form. She looked back at Varric and smiled "I have a promise to keep on the top of a mountain. You up for it?" she asked trying to sound cheerful.

"Ready as always, Hawke." He said between bites.

She smiled at him, suddenly very glad she met him and that he agreed to help her and her family. It was nice to finally have a friend.

* * *

 

She closed the journal, her fingers lingering over the embossed cover. Wolves howling at the moon. It reminded her of Bethany. Bethany had given it to hear just before they had to flee Lothering, it was the only thing she could grab beyond what was in her hands when they fled. She was grateful that she had the chance to grab it.

"What's that?" Anders asked taking a seat across from her.

"My journal, it was a gift from my sister." She explained slipping the leather-bound book into her canvas bag, another memento from Lothering.

"It's beautiful." He said "like..." he was cut off when Varric came up to the table with two tankards and a glass of water. _Like you_ , he thought suddenly displeased by the interruption.

"I don't know how you drink the water here Hawke." He griped setting her glass down "Here you go Blondie." Handing Anders a tankard "where's that elf anyhow?" he asked sitting down in his usual spot.

"I don't know. I haven't seen him today, I thought I would stop by on my way to the Chantry." She replied.

"The Chantry?" Anders asked, "Why would you go there?" he asked he tried hard to keep the anger out of his voice. Talking about the Chantry gave his voice a hard edge.

"That is personal business on my part." She said firmly, though the volume of her voice had not increased, staring at him "Not all of us hate the Chantry, Anders. Some of us find peace there."

Varric coughed at the tension rising at the table. "Well..." he began " I have had my ear to the ground and I may have some work for us."

"Not more smuggling jobs?" she asked.

"Not sure yet, nothing concrete but I will talk to my contacts. "

She left her water untouched, rising from the table. "I'll see you two tomorrow."

* * *

 

She stared at his door for a long time from the Chantry steps. Sighing she felt it was too late to pay him a visit and retreated into the Chantry for some much-needed prayer. The door to the chantry opened in front of her and she stood face to face with a young brunette coming out to light the torches.

"Your pardon, miss." His accent thick and unfamiliar.

He had a kind face, expressive eyes and a comforting demeanor. He held the door open for her, stepping out of her way. She smiled at him when she stepped past. He must have sense something was wrong or saw it in her face. Letting the door close behind her he stepped to catch up with her.

"Are you all right miss?" he asked touching her elbow.

"Oh." She gave a short chuckle "I am that transparent?" she asked.

"You looked like you needed to talk. I can take your confession if you like. “ he offered guiding her to a more private area of the chantry where they could talk "My name is Sebastian." He introduced himself smiling, "What is your name?" He had such a disarming smile. She couldn't help but relax and trust him.

"Theresa Hawke. It's true I came her seeking solace. I just didn't expect to find it so quickly. Thank you for taking the time to talk to me."

"Take your time Theresa." He said squeezing her hand "I have lots of time."

"What about the torches?" she asked. "Another brother will light them. You seem to need me more at the moment. Where are you from Theresa, I haven't seen you in here before."

"Lothering." She was looking at her hands as she said it. His heart sank, he could only imagine what could be weighing so heavily on her.

"I heard what happened there. A terrible loss of life. "

"I lost my baby sister to the darkspawn when we fled." She started "Both my mother and my brother blame me for her death." It was like opening a flood gate, once open it came pouring out. Sitting quietly beside her he waited it out for her to finish letting it out. "Now it plagues my dreams," her voice had become tight and the tears unbidden fell from her eyes "and my brother keeps picking fights with me. I don't know how much more of this I can take. “he barely made out her last words as they were nearly choked out by her sobs. Anything else she may have said he couldn't understand, but the amount of pain she was in was evident. He held her like he would a child, waiting for her to let everything out.

"The Blight has been hard on everyone from Ferelden,” he spoke to her softly, handing her a cloth to clean her face "know that you have done no wrong in the eyes of the Maker." He said softly "The Maker holds them now, they live in peace. Take solace in that knowledge."

She thanked him quietly taking the cloth she cleaned the tear stains from her cheeks and wiped her nose. She took a few deep breaths. When she looked up he was glad when he saw her mood lighten. "Thank you, Sebastian."

"No thanks are needed for doing the Maker's work." He replied, "I will walk you to the door." She took his out stretched hand and followed him through the Chantry to the door. Releasing her arm, he opened the door for her, holding it open. Giving him one last smile before stepping out.


	2. Fate

_She sleeps came easily that night, especially fighting all those demons. She'd barely gotten her boots off before falling onto her bed in exhaustion.  Expecting nightmares, she was thankfully surprised that there were no nightmares, only a blank formless landscape slowly filling itself with grass, trees and the gurgle of a stream._

_Laying on the grass watching the clouds float slowly by in the sky.  Formless shapes, white and clear.  She felt the spirit all around her.  In ground cradling her back, the gurgling of the stream and in the clouds passing overhead.  She felt completely safe._

_Taking a deep breath, she let it out slowly, she closed her eyes it.  This was one of the few times she could let her guard down.  She was so thankful at least one spirit in the Fade was on her side._

**_"I met an elf today."_ ** _She spoke softly aloud **" Saved him from Tevinter Slavers and cleared a mansion of demons. "** she continued **"he didn't seem to happy that I was a Mage.  A terrible accident of birth." She murmured "but he chose to stay and help me anyhow.  I think I could use someone like him if I am to go into the Deep Roads."** _

_She felt as though the spirit agreed.  Urging her to help this one also. **"I know,"** she whispered **"Always pushing to aid the ones that need me the most."** _

* * *

 

_His dreams here not so pleasant, filled with torment and demons from his past.  He was only trying to sleep, it had been such a long and agonizing day but that bitch could not leave him be.  Not only was he to be humiliated by his master but now his apprentice, whom seemed to feel the need to force herself on him._

_He felt her hand sliding up his leg where he lay on his bed.  Her fingers drummed over his groin and an involuntary noise forced its way out of his mouth. She smiled wickedly down at him._

**_"I knew you were awake my pet."_ ** _She purred, she was naught but a flimsy night-thing he see the outline of her breasts, her hips, threatening to tear the sheer fabric. Throwing a leg over him she purposefully sat on his lap, grinding painfully against him as she leaned over her face inches from his. **"Shhh, my pet** “ she cooed **"we would want Danarius hearing us now would we?"**  she asked.  _

_Cruelly running her hand roughly across his skin shivering in delight over his pain. His mind cried out against this...this violation even if he couldn't force his body to resist being a helpless prisoner to her blood magic. She wrenched his head back hard and exposing his throat.  It took all his strength to force out the word **"...no..."**_

_She laughed her voice amused **"So strong."** She purred **"so defiant."** This time she ran her finger on the lyrium markings taking delight in his screams not caring if Denarius heard or not.  **"You see what you make me do to you?"**   she asked pressing harder. _

_The pain was unimaginable for him, he could neither hear or see anything beyond it. Then suddenly it was gone.  He heard a startled cry coming from Hadriana and a thud of a body hitting the floor. Blinking furiously to see what had changed all he could see clearly was an arm scarred by what looked like marks from some beast dragging a squirming Hadriana away by a fist full of her hair._

_After deposing of that filth, she returned to the side of the quivering mass. She looked down at him not with pity but understanding.  She knew what it was like to a slave her own mind. The abuses of others.  The things her family didn't know about her, what she did to keep the less scrupulous Templar's at bay, sickened her._

**_"I mean you no harm."_ ** _Her dream voice spoke softly, when she moved to touch him he growled **"I promise I will not touch unless it is something you desire.  You are safe now."** _

_He could barely hear her she spoke so quietly, it reminded him of that mage that helped him clear out Denarius' mansion. When he did finally look up all he could see clearly was her arm, the scars glittering mutely in the Fade._

* * *

 

It hadn't been the first time in the last month he'd dreamt about her, saving him from his nightmares.  He gave a self-depreciated laugh, _why would a mage help me._   He wondered., but he could not deny that she had on many occasions helped him.

He dreamt about her many times.  Sometimes they were talking, sometimes he could only see her and not hear her, but always she came when he nightmares were the worst.  He was lucky if he could remember what happened, at the very least he knew she was there.

He didn't understand and it caused him no amount of frustration.  He knew it was her but could never see her blasted face in his dreams, just her arm. That was how he knew it was her, having spied the scars, while he was awake.  He wondered how she got them.

She often visited him.  He had begun to look forward to her visits and would get worried if she didn't show up.  There had been a few times he'd gone to the Hanged Man to find out what happened to her to only find out she hadn't been feeling well or the she was over tired and stayed at home.

He stood by his window watching the street, wondering if she was feeling better today and she stop by.  He actually missed her.  Maybe he should go see her in Lowtown, but since he didn't know where she lived and that meant going to the Hanged Man to ask Varric and dealing with that _mage._   The _abomination_.  The very presence of the man infuriated him.  He didn't know what Hawke saw in him.

The sun was starting to set and his mind drifted back to recent events.  Fighting bandits, highwaymen, mercenaries, thugs and Templar's.  _You take me to strange places Hawke_ , he thought to himself.

Becoming restless and fidgety, while standing around waiting to see _if_ Hawke would stop by.  He needed to do something, anything.

"A walk is what I need." He whispered to himself. 

* * *

                                                                                                                   

She took Swiftrunner with her today, he seemed excited to get out of the especially after her screaming match with Carver.  She'd barely remembered to grab her coin purse before leaving, she probably would have if he hadn't thrown her shoulder bag at her.

 She was just glad that neither her uncle of their mother had been home to witness it.  The tension between them had been building since she resolved not to argue with him until he pressed the issue and it exploded.

 She was sure he would end up at the Hanged Man so she couldn't stay there, perhaps the Blooming Rose, she'd figure it out later. The idea of staying at a brothel made her skin crawl.  No that was _not_ an option.  She sighed.  _Home it is._

Stopping in Lowtown market she picked up a few things for Fenris, determined to visit him today.  She hadn't seen him in a few days and he mostly kept to himself.  She would rather listen to him talk about how much he hated mages than listen to Carver today.

After that strange dream last night, she wanted to make sure he was all right. She balanced the heavy basket on her hip like she would a child and used her staff as a walking stick. 

Though in good shape the climb up the Lowtown stairs to Hightown left her winded.  She laughed as Swiftrunner would bound up ahead of her bark then coming running back round her in circles then back up.

"I'm coming, I'm coming. “she said to the dog, stopping to rest at the top of the stairs.

After catching her breath, she found herself at Fenris' door.  Adjusting the basket on her hip and leaning her staff against the entryway she knocked on the door.  She knocked again after getting no response. Testing the handle, she found it was unlocked. Stepping inside she left her staff leaning against the entryway. 

"Hello?  Fenris?" she called "It's Hawke."  She called looking around at the empty foyer.

She sighed.  Setting down the basket where it would be seen but not in the way she turned to retrieve her staff from the entry way.  Turning around she noticed that her dog was gone. Forgetting about her staff she looked for her hound.

"Swiftrunner?" she called, she heard him somewhere in the house "blast it dog come back here this instant!" though the volume of her voice hadn't raised at all.

She saw him appear at top of the stairs. She snapped and pointed to her side. Her Mabari whined but came obediently to her side. She looked down at him and sighed.

"I can't take you, anywhere can I?" she asked, his response was of course a low whine "Be good or I will make you sit outside."  She scowled "no more running off."

Moving to get her staff she ran into something quite solid, nearly knocking her off her feet.  He instinctively grabbed her shoulders to steady her.  Fenris was a little taken aback by the amount of force someone her size had, being she was several inches shorter than him and he probably had twenty pounds on her, she'd run into him fairly hard.

"Hawke." His tone questioning.

"Oh, Fenris."  She stammered, "I am sorry I didn't see you." 

He released her slowly, something about her made his body react.  It made his hands tingle, the tingling traveled up his arms.  It settled into his bones.  He frowned when the feeling was suddenly gone.

  She smiled softly at him, he could see the worry lines that creased the corners of her eyes and brow.  _She is far too young._ He thought staring intently at her.

"What are you doing here?" he asked a perfectly valid question, though he was inwardly relieved she was okay, which was odd, and glad to see her, which was also odd. 

He stood between her and her staff, not that not having her weapon would stop her from being able to attack, but she noticed how he kept her from it none-the-less.

"I stopped by to drop off some groceries. “she pointed to the basket "that is for you. That in the pot is left-overs from breakfast.  I made too much and didn't want to it go to waste." She looked past him to the open door. "Would you prefer I left my staff outside?" she asked.

He looked over his shoulder and realized he had indeed blocked her path to her weapon. _I should tell her to leave,_ but he didn't, instead he moved silently aside so she could retrieve her weapon.

She moved silently past him, careful not to touch him, pulling her staff inside and leaving it just inside the door.  Lifting the basket back onto to her hip she followed him into his living space.  Setting the basket on the table she pulled out the large pot and set it down near his chair.

"...Thank you..."

She smiled, something about her smile bothered him though "Don't worry about it, I am used to cooking for five, instead of four. At least seemed by five with how much Carver eats. He would sometimes he mine and try to steal Bethany's..."  she paused "you know how boys are?"

He watched her closely as she unpacked the basket.  His eyes moving from what she was doing to the drab, beige dress she wore and the worn shoulder bag. He noticed on her right arm scars disappearing under the sleeve of her dress.

 It suddenly reminded him of his dream and that led to fact she was a mage and they could travel in the Fade.  He didn't say anything about it though, she hadn't done anything to _harm_ him, yet.

"I see you haven't cleaned up the broken glass from our first visit yet." She commented looking at the broken remnants of the bottle.

His reply was only a grunt since he had greedily started in on her cooking. She smiled, shaking her head as she crouched down by the broken bottle and started gathering the shards of glass into her skirt.

"Ouch!" she hissed when errant piece of glass sliced her hand open "By the Maker..." she wore wadding her skirt so she didn't drop the glass shards and so that the blood running down her hand didn't drip on the floor.

He looked up as she dumped the shards into a container to see dark red rivulets running down her arm and soaking her sleeve. Without thinking he was up and had clamped a towel over her hand.

"Come on."  He said gruffly.

He held onto her hand with both of his to staunch the flow of blood.  He pulled on her arm forcing her to follow him into his washing chamber.  He directed her to hold her arm over the bathtub, it would be easier to clean than the floor.   

"I think there's a piece still in there."  She said wincing when he pulled the towel away inspect the wound. 

There was a piece in there, a small one but he was able to pull it out.  Removing his gloves, he carefully removed the piece of glass from the palm of her hand.  Touching her now reminded him of the onetime she'd healed him when he'd gotten wounded by the highwaymen. 

He'd growled at her savagely and grabbed her wrist, the look of surprise and then surprisingly understanding gave him pause.  She knew what it was like not to like to be touched and then she said she'd not touch him again unless he desired it.  The dream shade said the same thing.

  He watched her face, her only reaction was the twitching of her hand. _You are a strong one, Hawke_. He was impressed by her tolerance for pain.

"What were you doing to cut your hand?" he asked, he wasn't sure if he was upset because she'd cut herself or because she'd gotten blood on him.

"Cleaning up the glass so no one, mostly you, cut themselves."  She replied laughing softly. "What a fine mess I've made."

The barest hint of the smile tugged at his mouth.  He pressed the towel to her hand firmly to staunch the blood flow. The metallic scent of her blood made his nose twitch, he didn't like the smell of blood and hers smelled like Lyrium.

He realized then his arm began to tingle and it began traveling up his arm and into his shoulder again.  He quickly removed his hand from hers and cleared his throat.  He didn't know if he liked it or not, but he always seemed to miss it when it was gone.

"I'll leave you to fix yourself up."

He left her alone in his wash chamber to heal herself.  Pulling away the towel she looked at her already healed hand, having healed it after he'd pressed the towel into it again. She washed the towel out as best she could and the sleeve of her robe. 

Returning to his hearth she carried the towel and her robe over one arm. "Do you mind if let my robe dry before leaving?" she asked softly.

Again, he was surprised that he had to strain to hear her over the fire.  _No wonder she has to get very close to people to be heard._ He thought, though he could still hear her clearly, but only because he was elven.

Looking up at her, he absorbed the sight of her nodding in approval.  He watched her lay her beige robe out so that it could dry leaving her in a plain, sleeveless dress that looked like it was made out of canvas or some other coarse material, but it looked well made and sturdy.

"Sorry to be a bother," she said "I'll leave you be after my robe dries."

"It's no bother Hawke," he said between bites "in exchange for your gift."

Smiled at him.  It was reserved, though not forced, appreciative but sad.  He found himself wondering what manner of events she was running from.  While she lost herself in the fire.  His gaze wandered down her exposed arms to settle on the scars that now he could see them clearly looked like a dog had bitten her.

"Hawke," he spoke up to get her attention.

"Yes?" she was a little slow to respond but otherwise attentive.

"How did you get those scars?" he asked "The ones on your arm."

Her blue eyes moved from his face to her arm.  The fingers from her other hand ran other the scar tissue. She smiled and made a soft sound that he barely heard "I was very young.  I think seven or eight and playing the woods.  I can't remember where, somewhere with deep forests.  "

"You were alone in the woods?"  he asked, "that young?" he wondered why her parents would let her wander so.

"I was a bold child and this place was my home, I knew very well and I was unafraid.  The woods, the dark, none of it scared me." She explained turning to face him and laying her arm on the table so that he could see better " I was playing in the woods, alone well because the other children were afraid of me. It was okay I had the forest to keep me company.  I would often sleep in the roots of trees or find a deer's hollow. " 

She took a deep breath to collect her thoughts, remembering a better time when she wasn't filled with so much sorrow and regret. " I came upon a wolf caught in a trap.  Its leg was broken and it was very weak.  I don't how long it had laid there, suffering, but fearless as I was I approached it to set it free.  Startled by my presence it turned and bit me, right on the arm.  I don't know why I didn't pull away, I can't even remember it hurting."

 She said looking at him.  He watched her attentively.  She had beautiful eyes, the color of a stormy sky and just as tumultuous. 

"All I remember is wanting to help the wolf.  It must have known that I was not going to hurt it because he let go and started licking my arm and whimpering. I am not even sure how I got the trap open but I did.  I pushed the bone back into place like I'd seen my father do and I simply willed it to heal and it did. " 

He looked uncomfortable at the notion of her using magic, but he didn't interrupt her.  She paused long enough to read his face.

"It was the first time I had used healing magic, the first time I had used any magic.  I was so proud that I ran home to tell my parents.  You could imagine their surprise to their only daughter coming home bloody and talking about healing wolves in the forest. " she finished with a laugh.

"I didn't think healing magic left scars."  He said noting the distinct scars.

"I didn't use healing magic on me.  I was in no danger of losing my arm and it was a good reminder to take care when approaching wounded animals. It has many meanings to me.  Fearlessness, to leap to help someone in need regardless of my personal safety.  Caution, wounded animals as well as people may very well lash out at the hand that seeks to help them because they are in pain and frightened.  It reminds me to take care with my gifts, for it isn't just me that is in danger when I use them."

"If only others saw it as you do."  He commented thinking about Anders, which only made him surly.  He pushed that man far from his mind.

She looked back at the fire, absently rubbing her arm.  She was quiet for some time before she spoke again.  He simply waited, watching her.  _Why does she always look so sad?_ He found himself wondering why he cared.

"I am under no illusions that I am not dangerous or beyond falling.  I can only hope that if the day comes that I do slip that someone is there to stop me quickly and before I can do harm.”

That surprised him, coming from a mage of all things.  He could have been mistaken about this one. A little.

"I have dedicated my life to the preservation of life and my family, of everyone I care about," she continued softly.

_Even to the point of sacrificing yourself?_ He wondered, again he wondered why he cared.

She turned to him, her eyes so terribly sad.  Why did this affect him so much?  _What kind of magic are you using on me, Hawke?_ He asked himself.

"Promise me something, Fenris." She began "If I falter and become one of those things kill me quickly and without hesitation."

He just stared at her.  _What are you asking me. Hawke?_ He didn't know how to respond to that.  When he didn't respond she continued.

"I know you will have good judgment.  You have a good heart.  I can count on you."

_You can count on me to kill you?_ He wondered _you are a strange woman Hawke._

"Fenris?" she asked, meeting his eyes.

"I... I promise."  He found this was a promise he hoped he never had to keep.

She looked like she about to cry from relief.  He had the urge to reach out and touch her face.  He ignored it and went rigid instead to keep his body of moving on its own accord.  Which he failed at as his hand moved on its own to find hers but thankfully, or not, she had moved to check on her robe and grasped only air and wood. 

"Well it is dry.  I won't impose on you any longer. " she looked so tired as she pulled her robe on and fastened it shut. 

He wanted to tell her to stay but kept his mouth shut.  _Why am I suddenly so filled with dread?_

"Hawke." He said as she moved past him.  She turned and looked at him "I'll see you tomorrow at the Hanged Man, right?" _I'll make her promise then she can't leave._

She smiled at him "Of course, I'll be there."

He watched her leave.  Dread gnawing a hole in his stomach.  _What am I so worried about?  Hawke will be fine.  She was just tired.  Yes, just tired._ If only he really make himself believe that.

Sleep did not come easy for either of them that night despite being utterly exhausted.


	3. Fade-Bound

_Her dreams were equally dark as her thoughts, when she fell to sleep. The Fade was not kind to her tonight, showing her things long buried. She watched from a chair, which happened to be sitting nearby, as a scene from her played out before her._

_Templar, young, strong and utterly cruel had left his armor in a hazard heap in the corner of the Inn's room.  It wasn't forced but it wasn't loving or wanted either.  She allowed it because he had to, to keep Bethany safe.  Give them what they want and they will leave her alone. He was talking to her but she wasn't listening there wasn't even any sounds coming from the scene._

_She watched in silence as the last of her innocence was melted away from her._

* * *

 

_He didn't know how he got here, this place was strange and alien and not his.  He knew this wasn't his dream.  He had been having a peaceful dreamless sleep when something started calling him.  It was an urgent and pleading voice._

_A whispering voice that he couldn't quite hear.  Following it and found himself coming upon a scene that truly disgusted him.  Looking from the two on the bed he saw her sitting in an arm chair watching._

_He is looking from her back to the pair and saw who the woman was. His gaze turning back to her he saw tears rolling unbidden down her cheeks._

**_"There are no secrets in the Fade,”_ ** _she spoke " **Why are you here Fenris?"** she asked._

**_"I... I don't know.  I heard something and I followed.  What is this Hawke?"_ ** _he asked forcing his nausea down **"why do you dream such things?"**_

**_"They are memories.  Things I cannot forget, you should not see them."_ ** _She said closing her eyes tight and the images melted away leaving dark space with nothing but, her and the chair._

_When she opened her eyes, he was kneeling there in front of her.  She saw concern in his dream face. He saw nothing but pain and resignation in hers.  He felt his chest tightening up at the sight, he wanted her to smile.  He understood.  No one should have to endure such things._

**_"How it is you and I can enter each other's dreams?"_ ** _he asked trying to keep the worry out of his voice._

**_"I am not sure.  It didn't start happening until after I touched you.  Perhaps my magic reacted with the Lyrium in your skin bonding us. If so I am sorry. Truly."_ **

**_"What was that voice I heard?"_ **

_She found herself unable to lie to him **"A remnant of a spirit that watched over me.  One of compassion."**_

_He recoiled from her **"Are you...like Anders?"**_

**_"I made no deal with the spirit.  It gave its life so that I could live.  What you hear was the memories of the spirit.  It no longer exists, there is only me living off borrowed time."_ **

_He had a hard time accepting this but he did not move away.  He wanted to know why she was so sad.   Why she rarely smiled.   As he was about to ask her she raised her fingers to his lips.  His face began to tingle, he could bring himself to pull away. His lips were soft, she would remember this._

**_"Do you really wish to ask me these questions here only to forget the answer when you wake?"_ ** _she asked **"If you really wish to know ask me when you are awake, I promise I will not lie. If you remember what you wanted to ask."** She added **"it's time to go."** _

**_"No."_ ** _he cried trying to keep her there, from fading away but she shattered at his touch.  Leaving him alone and hollow in the vast emptiness that was her part of the Fade._

* * *

 

He woke suddenly.  He tried to grasp the fleeting fragments of his dream but he could not.  He knew only that he dreamt about Hawke. Fenris didn't know why he was so apprehensive.  It frustrated him to no end that he could remember his dream.  It seemed so important, so urgent.

 _I should see Hawke today._ He decided, rising from bed.  He remembered that he would see her at the Hanged Man.  Y _es, she promised._ It made him feel a little better.  Deciding not to dwell on it, he went about his day, anxiously awaiting night fall.

* * *

 

Her morning was blessedly quiet.  Carver had been out very late, according to her mother, so he was blessedly still asleep when she rose and went about her day. 

Strangely she had only vague memories of her dreams as well.  She knew it had something to do with Fenris and an unpleasant memory. Sometimes she couldn't remember them, other times she could with vivid clarity.  Maker knew why. 

She stayed out most of the day to avoid Carver as much as possible, going to the Hanged Man at dusk, as she had promised. She smiled at Anders and Varric when she saw them. 

"Are you feeling better, Theresa?" Anders asked, "I was getting worried about you."

"Nothing some rest didn't fix.  No need to worry yourself on my behalf.  But it's very sweet of you."  She said giving his shoulder an affectionate squeeze before moving to her seat near the fire.  She leaned her smooth staff next the hearth, the fire light reflecting off the carved woman at its head.

Anders admired the staff from where he sat before speaking, “Where did you get your staff?"

"It was my fathers."  She replied touching it reverently "It passed to me when he died. Along with many of his things from his adventures running from the circle.  Her name is Malcom's Honor.  After my father."

He didn't know what to say to that, "I'm sorry for bringing that up, it must be hard talking about it."

"No," she answered much to his surprise "not any more.  I miss him but it doesn't hurt to talk about him.  I honor his memory through my stories, he will not be forgotten."  She said with confidence.

"You seem in an especially cheerful mood, Hawke."  Varric commented from his seat.

"Why shouldn't I be.  Come tomorrow I live to be another year older."  She announced.

"So, tomorrow's your birthday?  On Summerday?"  asked Anders leaning forward.

"Sure is."  Her smile for once reaching to her ears, though she didn't show any teeth.

 _Still reserved I see_.  Anders thought. _I will get you to smile._

"Then we must throw Hawke a gracious party." Varric said "One that will make a good story."

She smiled shyly "There's no need to go out of your way."

"Hawke, I insist." Varric's tone held finality.

"I cannot argue with you, Varric. I shall play along." She acquiesced to him.

"Theresa, I'd like to talk to you later if you have some time."

"Of course, Anders.  It is important?" she asked.

"It doesn't have to be now, it can wait until later." He was about to say something nice about her dress when he noticed the blood stains on her sleeve "Why is there blood on your robe?"

"What?" she asked having completely forgot about it.

"On your sleeve."  He reached over to show her "It's all over the inside."

"I cut my hand when I was over visiting Fenris."  She noticed his face darken when she mentioned his name "I was picking up a broken bottle.  I was careless and cut my hand, nothing to worry about.  See” she said holding up her hand "not even a scar. "

"Let me see, you may have damaged something on the inside."  He went out taking her hand and inspecting it with his thumbs probing for damage "You should come to me."

She humored him. "I am not without ability to heal myself."  She watched him massaging her hand. 

"It's nice of you to join us, elf."  Varric announced when Fenris came in. 

"Dwarf."  He greeted, he ignored Anders and glowered at the fact he was touching Hawke's hand "Hawke."

"Hello Fenris."  She smiled at him, Anders noticed some teeth in that one, frowning deeper when she removed her hand from his "Did you sleep well?" she asked.

"...yes."  it took him a moment to respond to her asking anything remotely close to his well-being.  He took on her side of the table away from Anders. "Thank you for asking."

"Handsome and polite."  She commented flirtively "they don't make them like that anymore." 

She was in good spirits today, flirting seemed like a good idea.  Her choices in words proved to be correct when she saw the barest of smiles tug at his mouth.

Anders frowned.  _Why did she always compliment him like that?  Mongrel._ He thought sullenly.  "I'm going to get something to drink."  He announced leaving in a huff.

"I have some favors to call in for tomorrow, Hawke." Varric said "Tomorrow is gonna be the best day of your life."

"Thanks, Varric, don't go overboard."

"Me?" he asked sounding wounded "Never."

It made her laugh softly, he could barely hear it. He took the opportunity to move to the seat the mage had just vacated.  Not only was it closer to her but it would put him off too.

"What is going on tomorrow?" he asked setting into his rightly won seat.

"Tomorrow is my birthday.  Varric has it in his head to throw me a party."

"I see." He tried not to let any emotion creep into his voice.  _Don't sound disappointed that she didn't invite you.  Why would she want you there?_

"I would be honored if you came and celebrated with me."

Her invitation surprised him but not half as much as her smile.  She looked almost happy. She watched him apprehensively as she waited for him to respond.

"I will be there." He said taking it as another promise of her continue existence. "I brought a bottle of Agreggio with me.  Would you like to try some?"

"Oh really?" she asked, perking up "maybe just little.  I've always wanted to try some.  I don't usually drink, but I'm feeling good today."

That got a half smile from him.  She watched him retrieve two glasses and a corkscrew, returning with an open bottle.

"No breaking this one, I don't want to cut my hand again.  Anders will have a fit if I cut myself and don't go see him."

He glowered as he poured the glasses keeping his face hidden from her. "You do not need him." _Touching you, any part of you._ He finished in his head.

"I know. I was only teasing." She said taking the partially full glass from him. "What shall we drink to?" she asked.

"What?" he asked caught off guard by the question.

"It's a special occasion.  We have to drink to something. “ she explained holding her glass up "I won't drink until we have something to drink to."

"I don't know." He said honestly.

"Well, let's see.  How about to friendship.  Yes, lets drink to friendship." She suggested.

"To friendship then." He felt a twinge that it wasn't more.

They clinked glasses.  As she took her first sip.  He watched her face with satisfaction when she hummed in delight.

"That's really good."

"I'm glad you like it."  He replied smiling at her.  Though he smiled disappeared when Anders came back into the room, whining about him taking his seat.

* * *

 

"I think I am der-unk, Fenris."  She said wobbling on her feet, adding an extra syllable to the word.

"I believe you are miss." He chuckled at her intolerance to alcohol. _She really must not drink, to get drunk off two glasses._

"Whoa."  She cried tumbling over to one side, having tripped over the bench.  She fell into Fenris, he caught her one hand on her elbow and the other around her waist.  She was hanging onto his shoulders. "Sorry." She said quickly when she realized she was touching him.

He found he didn't so much mind the touching, it was different but not painful, at least not yet. He sat her down before she fell again.

"I think you should sit before you fall down."  He said ignoring her apology.  

She smiled up at him, it was the most carefree and joyful smile he'd ever seen placed on her.  _So, she does know how to be happy._ He thought. _Is it the drink or something else?_ He wondered.

"Will you walk me home?" she asked "I don't think I can get there on my own."

He looked at the glowering Anders.  It brought him insurmountable joy that this was grinding the mage. "I can do that. Come on let's get you home. " he said helping her stand.

"You got that, elf?"  Varric asked "Damn Hawke you are a light weight."  He commented shaking his head.

"I can handle her."  Fenris replied watching Anders scowl harder if that was possible. He almost smiled at that, almost.

"Good night Varric...” _hic”_ “...Anders...” _hic_ ” she hiccupped again. 

 He guided her out the door but they didn't get far before she stumbled again. Catching her again he just picked her up, cradling her against his shoulder. 

"All right Hawke, which way." 

She pointed towards the stairs.  His walking slowed when her forehead rested against his neck, causing the lyrium to react.  It didn't hurt per se, he wasn't sure how it felt. 

Her mouth was dangerously close to his throat, even her breath caused the lyrium to react.  It gave him goose bumps. He kind of liked it, strangely enough.  She smelled like flowers despite living a more squalid place than he did.

A confused and suspicious Carver opened the door. "What are you doing with my sister?" he asked possessively.

He couldn't blame him for being suspicious over family.  "She's drunk,” he answered "I am bringing her home.  Would you like to take her or will you show me to her room?" he asked offering his cargo to the young man.

"This way."  He sighed.

Carver showed him to the room he shared with her.  He could guess which bed was hers with the Mabari on it. Fenris laid her down with great care.  Watching her get comfortable before leaving.

It was a long walk back to Hightown for him, but he was glad for it.  It gave him time to think about his feelings.  Why didn't he mind her touch?  When he couldn't stand anyone else's? Why was it that he wanted to desperately for her to smile and truly be happy?

 _Do I really...care...about this mage?_ He wondered. _No, she is a woman, a very special woman._ He told himself, but no matter, he knew she was a mage. Nothing he could would change that.

Sleep did not come swiftly that night, but when it did he dreamt of Hawke.


	4. Summerday

_He dreamt about her again.  He was tense, he was sure that Hadriana would torment him, but instead of pain there was a pleasant tingling as his lyrium markings responded to her touch and it was Hawke's voice not hers._

_"Fenris..."  she whispered, kissing each eye lid softly, then the corners of his mouth teasingly.  When he groaned and his arms gripped her tighter her soft laughter filled his ears._

_She kissed his jaw just below his ear before rising to run the tip of her nose along the shell of his ear.  He shivered when he felt her breath in his ear.  It was a pleasant sensation._

_He leaned into her, pressing his hips against hers.  He felt her kiss the side of his neck above the jugular. Running hands down her back he felt the think fabric of her night gown, bunched up around her thighs where she straddled him._

_"You can open your eyes now, Fenris." She whispered in his ear._

_She slowly came into view.  Truly an angel looking down at him. Taking her by the arm he rolled them over so that he was on top looking down at her._

_She whispered something to him but he couldn't make out what she said._

* * *

 

He woke up groaning.  Irritated that the sunlight flooding through his window has disturbed such a nice dream.  He found he was uncomfortably wound up in his sheets. Kicking everything off the foot of the bed he lay there staring at the ceiling.  The breeze coming in through the open window helped chase away in lingering heat from his dream.

 _That was vivid._ He took several deep breaths.  _And pleasant_.  Thinking about it was arousing him again.

"Bath time."  He said rising quickly hoping a cold bath would help alleviate any lingering thoughts of her. _Today is Hawke's birthday...I should find something for her.  What does she like?_ He pondered getting dressed for the day.  Then he remembered her journal.  _What was on it?  Wolves?_

He started tearing through the wardrobes and chests left behind by Denarius.  He didn't find anything with wolves but he did find a silver torque, there was some writing on it but he didn't know what it said. He tore up a piece off of a silk sheet and wrapped it up then sliding it between his breastplate and tunic. 

She didn't have enough, or any, pretty things. Then he rummaged through the wardrobes again.  Maybe he could find something to replace the robe she'd stained cutting her hand. Tucked away behind the large armoires he found a thick paper box.  Setting it on the desk he found that inside was a finely made robe.  It smelled new, if a bit dusty.

 _This must have been for Hadriana._ He thought, at least her stink hadn't ruined it. Pulling out the robe he shook it out, holding it up to see if it would fit her.  It would be a little loose.  He eyed it with frustration.  _Maybe I can get her to come over and see if any of this other stuff fits and send it home with her._

Setting the robe back in the box he decided just the torque tonight and he would ask her about the clothing the next time she came over. There was a knock at the door, he recognized Hawke's knock.  He smiled, her knock was so much louder and stronger than her voice. He found it intriguing that she never raised her voice.

A smile couldn't help but tug at the edges of his mouth when he found her standing outside his door. A sudden wave of heat washed over him as memories of his dream still lingered triggered by her scent.  She hadn't bathed today, she didn't smell bad, it was just her above everything else.

"Morning Fenris." She greeted stepping just inside the door to rest her staff against the wall "I brought you some breakfast."

She held up the steaming container which he took, sniffing its contents, it made her laugh. He watched her through his hair, she seemed more relaxed around him than with the others. Around them she was always smiling, her voice cheerful.  Around him he could see how sad and lonely she was.  He wanted to reach out and hold her.  Tell her it would be all right, but he didn't know how.

"Did you fight with Carver again?" he asked.

Her weak smile answered his question. "Is it that obvious?" she asked laughing softly, mostly to herself.

 _To me it is._ "I have something for you." He said hoping it would cheer her up.

He was rewarded by her smile. He gestured for her to follow him.

"A present?" she asked "You didn't need to get me anything."

"Sit and close your eyes." He didn't know why he was playing these silly games and didn't just shove it into her hands.

"Okay." He was again rewarded by her smile.

 _That would be why.  Seeing you smile._  Fenris' thoughts were a jumble of conflicting emotions, part of him told him this was wrong and would only lead to heartbreak or capture.  She was a mage she would eventually turn. The other part knew she was too strong and kind hearted to turn, he wanted to listen to that part.

She heard him kneel in front of her, the anticipation had her giggling.  Another sound that made him smile. He wanted to touch her face.  Pulling out the wrapped torque he pressed it into her hands. He shivered when his finger tips grazed her wrist, sending goose bumps all the way down his spine.

"Can I open my eyes now?" she asked.

"Yes." _No._ he answered her, he wanted to drink in the sight of her.

She smiled at him as she unwrapped the torque.  He remained kneeling in front of her to watch her reaction.  Again, he was rewarded.  When she lifted the torque, her eyes went wide. She smiled at him.

"It's beautiful,” she thanked him pressing the torque to her chest "thank you."

"I want you to wear it." He said taking the torque from her "I found it in a chest and it made me think of you."

She lifted her hair to make putting it on easier. He admired her neck when he leaned forward to slip the torque around her neck. She smelled good despite living in Lowtown and not having a proper bath tub. 

She felt the back of his fingers slide against her neck when he put the torque on her.  She noticed his shiver then release the torque.

"You smell nice today."  He said quietly before he could stop himself.

That made her laugh, a full-hearted laugh.  He was a little confused since he'd meant it as a compliment not a joke.

"Here I thought I'd smell like dog without having a proper bath in over a year.  It's nice of you to say so."

"You can use mine if you like." He offered pulling back from her. _You deserve better than you have._

"I wouldn't want to impose on you..."

"None sense."  He said cutting her short "if you wish to use it you may."

She smiled at him. "Thank you. "

After that he sat down to eat needing to occupy himself with thoughts other than her naked in his house.  She watched him eat, he had a healthy appetite for someone so thin. 

Her hands reaching to where his fingers had touched her.  She felt something too when he touched her.  Magic flowed through her ceaselessly, as it did through him.  Even from this distance she could feel its channels, it _sang_ to her.

"Does it hurt when you touch people?" she asked wanting to know.

"What?" he asked swallowing hastily.

"Does it cause you pain when you touch people?"

He set down his fork and looked at her.  That was a good question.  Did it hurt?  He'd felt no pain the few times she touched him.

"Sometimes.  I am used to it on my hands and feet, I don't feel it anymore. " he answered honestly, but leaving out how her touch affected him.

He watched her scoot closer to him.  Their knees almost touched, but she stopped about six inches from him.

"May I try something.  I promise if it hurts I will never do it again."  She said "I just want to if the lyrium reacts to me.  Sometimes I think it does.  I am curious. "

She was asking if she could touch him.  Touch usually was something forced on him whether it was on purpose or accidental.  Being asked, he felt inclined to let her.

"You may."  He was hesitant, sitting back he steeled himself against whatever may come.

"Tell me if this hurt and I will stop."  She said firmly.

He nodded.  He watched her intently.  Nervous and apprehensive.  He didn't want it to hurt, but most touch did. Reaching out she touched the back on his hand, just below the wrist.  The lyrium did indeed react to her direct touch.  It flared to life in a bright blue haze that shot up his arm and down his spine.  He shuttered with the sensation of it and instinctively pulled away, more startled than hurt.

"I'm sorry, did I hurt you."  He could the concern in her voice as well as the disappointment.

"No," he said after a moment of rubbing his hand " It was unexpected. “he said looking at her from underneath his hair to hide his face.

She released a sigh of relief.  "I'm glad."

He wanted to know if she felt anything. "Did you feel anything?" he asked hesitantly, he couldn't quite keep the nervousness out of his voice. He could still feel the lingering energy from her touch, he also swore he felt her thoughts in that instant of contact but couldn't remember what.

"I felt you.  It filled me.  I am sorry but I think my healing you on the wounded coast bonded us together somehow.  I didn't mean..."

He remembered that part of the conversation from his dream.  He thought this knowledge would scare him more or make him angry.  Strangely enough he found himself thankful it was her and not some other mage.

 When she started to apologize for it he stopped her by placing his finger on her lips. She quieted immediately looking at him.

"Don't apologize."  He said, "truthfully I am glad it's you." He was glad for more reasons than he cared to admit.

He felt her smile under his finger, taking his hand, she kissed his knuckles which sent goose bumps straight up his arm.

"I'll see you tonight then?" she asked.

"Ahem..." he cleared his throat "yes."

She rose letting his hand slip slowly through her fingers before turning to go.  He watched her leave in a daze. 

* * *

 

Varric had gone all out the night.  Any excuse to drink and party was good enough for him and if it benefited someone else all the better.  Isabela seemed to be enjoying herself also.  Anders was happy enough since Fenris hadn't shown up yet which was worrying her.  She wondered if he would still come.

"How about a drink, sweet-thing?"  Isabela's nickname for her.

"Oh no."  Hawke waved her hand "I can't handle brandy.  Fenris said he'd bring me a bottle of wine that I should be able to enjoy without getting drunk really fast. "

Isabela pouted "Fine. But I expect you to make it up to me by playing Wicked Grace.  If I can't get you to drink I'll win your coin so I can drink more." She finished laughing.

"Sure thing, Isabela."

Anders frowned when she mentioned Fenris bringing her some wine to share.  Noticing the Fenris was blessedly absent he offered his hand to her.  "A dance?" he asked throwing a charming smile at her.

"I'm not very good."  She said taking his hand and allowing him to lead her out.

"Neither am I."  he whispered into her ear when music began.

Even though he was a decent dancer what he said had eased her nerves and allowed her to enjoy herself.  It was nice to be this close to her without prying eyes glaring at him. _What does she see in him anyway?_ He thought _that mongrel is more animal than man._

He sped her up as the tempo increased, to his surprise she kept up.  As they made one last revolution as the song died down he _felt_ icy daggers flying at his back.  Turning around he saw Fenris glowering at him. 

Anders was further annoyed to see her break away from him to run up and stop in front of the tall elf.  His mood went surlier when he saw them give googly eyes to each other. It was infuriating. 

He almost said Mongrel, but held his temper in check not wishing to ruin her night. "Fenris." He said instead taking his seat.

"Mage." He said without even looking at him.

"I'm so glad you made it." 

She seemed genuinely happy to see him. It made it hard to keep scowling so he stopped trying to look angry and let his face soften.  This only infuriated Anders more.

"What did you bring?" she asked peering into the bag he brought. 

She moved far closer than she'd previously in public, she was fairly tall for a woman so her hair tickled his nose. When he reached up to itch his nose a large chuck of her hair got caught in his gauntlet. 

"Ow.  Fenris stop!"  She called moving to detangle herself from his gauntlet.  It was the loudest sound he'd heard her make.

"I'm sorry." He said pulling his hand back, taking a fairly large lock of hair with it.

"It's not like you did it on purpose, trying to tear my hair out. Ow."  She said again rubbing her head "well open it up, I want some wine now." 

"Are you all right Theresa?" Anders asked leaning to look at the back of her head her ran his fingers over the spot to make sure it wasn't bleeding "It doesn't look like lost much hair."

"It's okay Anders. It just smarts."

She didn't notice to dark scowl that played across Fenris's face when Anders had his fingers in her hair. He nearly broke the cork in the bottle he in his anger. Looking at her he found it hard to stay angry, seeing her just seemed to make the anger melt away.

"Come dance with me Anders." Isabela said grabbing him.

"He..hey.." he protested as she drug him out onto the dance floor.

"That isn't going to end well."  She said moving into the vacant seat next to him.

"Does anything with Isabela end well?" he asked handing her a glass of wine "Like her duel?"

"That didn't end terrible."  She mumbled taking a sip.

He looked at her with a serious expression “You nearly came back from that encounter full of holes.  You should be more careful."

"mmm. Fruity.  This is really good you should try it."  She said offering her glass and looking at him with round eyes.

He groaned and pushed her face away gently with his hand, which only made her start laughing.

"Don't change the subject, I mean it."

She turned and straddled the bench, holding her cup and staring at him.  "I'll be more careful. "

"Oh, stop looking at me like that."  He said pretending to sound unphased by her puppy-dog eyes.

"So, what do you do in that gigantic house all day?" Varric asked him when he sat down.

"I dance, of course."  He answered his face perfectly serious.

"Really” both Varric and Hawke said at the same time, though Hawke's voice sounded more like a child's wonderment.  His face nearly broke there.

"I run from room to room, choreographing routines. "

"No!"  Hawke said, "I didn't know you could dance."  She sounded hopeful.

"You are actually joking.  Alert the Chantry! They need to put this on the calendar!"  Varric exclaimed with enthusiasm.

"And you thought I was always serious."  He replied then looked at Hawke "No I do not dance."

"Oh, come on, it's my birthday."  Leaving her glass on the counter she'd wrapped her hands around his arm and shook it gently.

"Oh, this I have to see."  Varric said sitting back.

"No."  he said firmly "I do not dance."  He immediately regretted being so firm with her when her smile faded.  Especially when she let go of his arm.  He was about to speak again when Isabela plopped down across from them.

"More brandy!"  she called.

* * *

 

He felt bad about snapping at Hawke, but as the night went out he didn't have the chance to apologize.  She was talking, drinking from her glass and dancing, mostly with that _mage_.  He really didn't like him touching her.

When she came skipping back she stumbled and would have drove headlong into the table if Fenris hadn't have caught her.

She looked up at his with her stormy eyes "Fenris?"  She said giggling then yawning.

"Yes, my friend?" he asked down at her.

"You are the best."  She said, "Always looking out for me."

He gave her a half smile. "Someone has to.  It's not you. Come on,” he said sitting her up "time to go home."

He half carried her, half supported her with one arm and grabbing her staff with the other.  Anders was surprised he'd actually touch her staff and watched with a mixture of jealousy and annoyance.

"Someone's Jealous."  Isabela said after they left.

"Shut up."  Anders muttered.


	5. The First Sacrifice

_She was kneeling in front of him, her pale golden hair tumbling down her shoulders, stormy eyes locked on his. The pink dress she wore clung to her curves in such a way that simply looking at her brought his desire to nearly uncontrollable levels._

_He sat with one leg on either side of hers, her knees under his thighs.  He wanted her close.  When she was here, they were not. Sliding his cheek past hers he settled his chin on her shoulder._

**_"I want you."_ ** _He whispered holding her tight._

**_"I am waiting for you."_ ** _He could barely hear her dream voice._

**_"I am afraid of you."_ ** _His voice barely above a whisper **"outside this dream realm. Your hold over me is overwhelming."**_

**_"Do not be a slave to fear, my wolf..."_ ** _her voice fading as it did when he was about to wake **"I am waiting."** _

_He didn't try to stop her from slipping away.  He knew where the real her was and it wasn't in this safe dream world._

* * *

 

He waited with her and Isabela for Varric to show up.  He'd been watching her all morning, she was happily scribbling away in her book.  It was cute the way she pursed her lips when she was concentrating.  He found himself staring at her mouth.  When his mind began to wonder into unbidden places he sought to strike up a conversation to distract him.

"So, Isabela, this relic you mentioned losing..."

She looked up at him with her chin in her hand "You have pretty eyes"

That gave him pause.  "I...have pretty eyes."  He repeated slowly.

"You elves have such pretty eyes, even the men.  It makes me want to pluck them out and wear them as a necklace."

Hawke giggled at the image of Isabela trying to get Fenris' eyes.

"I wouldn't suggest trying."  He replied gloomily.

"Oh, I would never try.  Not without reason, of course." Her voice a sultry purr.

This all made Fenris uncomfortable "Forget I said anything." _At least I am no longer thinking about Hawke._

She smiled triumphantly having deflected his line of questioning and sauntered her way up to the bar.

"Are you sure you want to try take her to a... brothel.  She may get...distracted." he asked peeking over at what she was scribbling. 

Noticing him she hunched over so he couldn't see. "No fair peeking."

"That looked like a necklace of eyeballs."  He said raising an eyebrow.

"What?" she said smiling "It was a funny thought."

She laughed at his expression. "Anyways its either her or Anders, take your pick.  Since she knows her way around Brothel's I think she'd be useful.  I refuse to take my brother." 

He grumbled but didn't otherwise protest.  "Are you two still not getting along?" he asked after a quiet moment.

"We are getting along about as well as the Tevinter's and Qunari." 

"It can't possibly be _that_ bad."  He asked, fearful if they were actually trying to kill one another.

"Might as well be."  She answered not looking up from her book "we got into a brawl the other day when I went to get him from the Hanged Man. Just because I'm a mage doesn't mean I can't wallop him."

 _I can imagine._ He thought watching her with interest.

"I swear there should be a law about getting up before noon." Varric grumbled finally emerging. "Morning elf, Hawke."

"Morning Varric."  She said in chipper tone "I want to get an early-ish start, we've got some missing women to find."  She said closing her book and slipping it away "ready?"

"No Blondie today?" he asked.

"Nope, just us and Isabela."

* * *

                                                                                      

"Today is my rest day, but for you I can make an exception." The elven prostitute looked Hawke up and down with his blue eyes.  "What can I say? Why work if you are not working hard?"

His sudden attention on her made her distinctly uncomfortable.  She heard Fenris shift behind her, moving closer to her if she leaned back she'd be touching him. She was very glad he was there.

"Ooh, I like him he reminds me of someone."  Isabela piped up.

"I can't imagine who."  Fenris replied trying to hold the disgust out of his voice, he didn't like these places and liked it less that Hawke was in here.

Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she unconsciously pulled her collar tighter before speaking. "Jethann?  Have you seen Ninnett lately?"

"Ninnett?"  he thought about it "not in several weeks.  Which is a shame, I enjoy her company." He paused a moment before continuing "I heard she finally left that husband of hers.  Good for her I say.  I just wish she said goodbye."

"Do you think someone may harm her?" she asked trying to keep her discomfort out of her voice.

"I hope not.  Everybody loves Ninnett.  Sometimes twice a night."  He finished with a chuckle" Ghsylain would be the only one that may hurt her and he doesn't have the balls for it."

"Ghsylain knew about you two.  Did he talk to you?" she asked, reaching back her fingers finding his palm.

He watched her.  _She must not like being in here as much as I don't like her being in here._ He found the sensation that ran up his arm was not that hard to control.  _Perhaps she can manipulate the flow of energy._ He wondered. _No Fenris, stay focused._  He was careful not to injure her with his gauntlets.

"That man is incapable of talking."  Jethann said displeased with the memory "He came here, yelled at me, called me a dirty knife-ear-among other things- and accused me of corrupting his wife."

She felt Fenris' hand twitch at the sound of the derogatory phrase.  _It must have been used on him often._ She hooked her finger tips under the edge of his gauntlet keeping her hand hidden behind her.

"We had him thrown out."  Jethann said with satisfaction.

"Do you have any idea where she might be?" Hawke asked trying to wrap this up so she could get out of here.

"Well, er...there was someday else looking for Ninnett. A templar.  I believe his name is Emeric.  He wouldn't sleep with me either."  Jethann said with an edge of disappointment looking at her.

"Sorry I'm not interested. " Hawke said hastily.

"Pity."  He said looking her up and down again "Though I can't see why a templar would be interested in anyone that isn't a mage. “ he continued sighing.

"I'm interested."  Isabela said.

"We have work to do Isabela."  Hawke didn't turn to look at her.

"Fine."

"He may know something we do not."

"Emeric said he would continue his investigation in Darktown.  You could see if he's still there.  And if you find Ninnett tell her to drop by sometime." Jethann said as they left.

Fenris was disappointed when she let go, he missed her touch even now. Though she couldn't fault her for wanting to get out of there post haste.

* * *

                                                       

"A don't mind a little dirt every once and a while, but is this really necessary?"  Isabela pouted when she asked. 

"You said you would help me, so yes it is."  Hawke replied "I promise I'll make it to you."

Isabela perked up "In my room later?" she asked.

"Isabela!" she exclaimed "no." she said suddenly shy, she threw the trap door open.

Fenris felt a profound sense of relief that she didn't want to share Isabela's bed.

"Spoil sport."  She said before entering the dark hole.

Almost immediately they were attacked by Darktown thugs.  Hawke through summoned the power of the stone and hurled the massive stone fist at the nearest aggressor to the downed Templar.

He ran forward as the stone fist hurtled past him to its mark.  He looked back only once, instinct telling him she'd throw one at him.  Out of the corner of his eye he watched her throw bolts at her foes, twirling and slamming her staff into the ground and knocking the thug back several yards. 

Engaged with an enemy and distracted by Hawke he didn't see the thug charging up on his right.  Suddenly there was an electrical discharge next to him that made his hair stand on end and sent the man flying into the far wall. _So she is watching my back after all._ He knew he shouldn't have doubted her.  Still it was strange to be trusting a mage.

"Remind me not to get on our bad side Hawke, it seems...unhealthy."  Varric commented looking around at the dead thugs, cradling Bianca.

She knelt before the Templar.  "Are you all right, Ser Templar?"  she asked helping him stand.

"I thank you, Serah, for coming when you did.  I am Emeric."

"We were looking for you."  She said smiling "Looks like we found you just in time."

"What about?"  he asked "Darktown isn't safe for chats."

"Ghsylain asked us to look into his missing wife, Ninnett, and we were led to you."  She explained stepping back from the Templar.  She heard Fenris moved closer to her side. _He must be worried if this Templar decides I am an apostate._  

"Ah.  I tried looking into it."  He said, " but the entire investigation is a waste of time."

"What do you mean?"  she looked confused "have you found nothing?"

"Most people that knew her say she just left her husband." He began looking exhausted "This all started when one of your Circle Mages, Mharen, disappeared.  She was a bit older and not one for adventuring. Then I heard about Ninnett and two other missing women."

"I had a friend that disappeared once.  Turns out he was under my bed drunk."  Varric spouted out laughing. 

Everyone looked at him.  "Varric."  Hawke said in a warning tone.

"What?" he asked shrugging.

Emeric continued "I think the disappearances are connected and I suspect foul play."

"Does the city guard know?"

"They told me there is no proof the disappearances are not connected. That all the women left their homes and that it happens all the time. "

"Doesn't the Circle have phylacteries to track its mages down?"  she asked and felt dirty talking about it.  Such a leash, a chain.  She was suddenly have glad she didn't have one and glad that Fenris was willing to protect her.

"We followed her phylactery to a foundry, but we found nothing. I had heard sympathizers were smuggling mages out of the circle and had hoped to find her trail. But no trace of Mharen, and as you can see I am not popular with the locals. "

 _I can't imagine why._ She thought.  "Is there anything I can do to help?"  she asked more concerned about the missing women than anything else.

"It is no longer my investigation, Serah.  You may take over if you wish."  He said handing her his research. "I am going back to the Gallows, I know when to walk away." 

She took the stack of papers and watched him go.  She felt Fenris's hand at her elbow, she smiled at him.

"Can we please go,” Isabela whined "It stinks worse than the Hanged Man down here."

Hawke sighed, "Yeah we can go, we have some time before dark."

* * *

                                                                         

It was easy to find the foundry, located in a more rundown section of Lowtown.  Hawke entered cautiously behind Fenris, who insisted on going before her.  Upon entering Hawke saw a man standing at the balcony.

"Hey, wait!"  she called at the man turning to leave, moving past Fenris.

"Hawke!"  he hissed.  He reached out to grab her but she was faster than he an anticipated.

Then he was gone and they were surrounded by shades.  Unable to catch her before she ran past him there were several shades between him and her.

"Varric!"  he called moving forward.

"Me and Bianca have you covered, elf." He called loading her up.

Isabela had opted to stay at the Hanged Man, having had enough excitement for the day so they brought Anders much to Fenris's dismay.

 _Why did she have to go running off like that_?  He growled taking a huge arcing swing at the shades between him and her.

He saw her surrounded by four shades.  They were closing in and he couldn't get to her.

"HAWKE!"  he bellowed turning the shade he had been fighting into a gooey residue.

The next thing he felt was a blast of energy and all four shades had been knocked away from her, slumped and unresponsive. When she stood she smiled at Fenris. 

"Hawke behind you!"  Anders cried, but it was too late.

"I'm fin..." her words were cut off suddenly by a desire demon burying its hand deep into her side. 

Fenris watched in slow motion as she slide off the demons taloned hands and slumping to the ground, her staff clattering to the ground several feet away. 

Blood poured freely from her side soaking her robes a deep crimson.  She watched silently as the demon licked her blood off its taloned hands.

"OH, her blood.  So sweet."  Blood smeared on its full lips and down its chin.

Anders was already moving but there were still shades in the way.  "Fenris!"  he yelled "Move!"

The mages voice broke him out of his state of shock.  It wasn't just seeing her fall, but feeling it deep within his gut.  Feeling her bond slipping. A feral growl was his reply as he exploded into action, charging the demon head on as it reached for Hawke's stilled body. 

Anders reached her side as Fenris phased out of view and reappeared behind the demon cleaving it in half. Gingerly he propped her up on his knees. _This isn't good._ Anders kept repeating in his head.

"Why isn't she moving?" Fenris asked, more growling, growing more and more concerned. 

"She's in shock.  Take her robe and tear it up so I can bind her. " he directed.

Varric went about looking around the foundry.  It wasn't that he wasn't concerned but what good would come from hovering?  He ended up finding a sack containing a wedding ring, a severed hand and some other bones.  Figuring that was the proof they were looking for he put the gruesome sack in an empty bolt case.

Meanwhile they had gotten her robe off making the grizzly wound visible.  Once Fenris had torn enough of it up Anders wadding a thick bunch of it and tied it tightly to her side.

"Can't you heal her?" Fenris asked eyes narrowing.

"I can but we need to get her back to my clinic so I can clean her up, no use closing a wound to have it filled with disease."

He hated to agree with the mage but her life was worth more to him than hating the mage. Sheathing his sword, he carefully picked her up leaving Anders to pick up her staff.

 


	6. Interlude: Revelations

_She stood in darkness it was oppressive like a wet blanket.  Ahead of her was light, warm, comforting.  She felt drawn, it erased her pain and memories the closer she got. She could hear the song of the Maker. **It's so beautiful...**_

**_Come back Theresa._ ** _She heard the voice but couldn't tell where it came from._

**_Why?  It's so warm here._ ** _She replied content to remain. **Who are you?**_

_Before her she saw her shadow self, reaching out. **It's not time.  Not time to let go.  Take my hand.  It's time to hold on tight...**_

* * *

 

Slowly she became aware of the softness beneath her, must be a bed but couldn't be hers.  She wondered where she was. Then she became aware of the light, it stung her eyes.  When she tried to move to cover her eyes she then became acutely aware of the searing pain in the side.

She released a hiss.  Memories of the fight in the foundry returning to her, then the demon.  _Did I?_ she wondered, rubbing her head. 

Opening her eyes, she waited for them to adjust to the light.  She wasn't in Gamlen's house.  _Where am I?_ Sitting up slowly she realized she was in Fenris' house.  Her hand slide down to the bandages on her side. It was still very tender.

Shortly after a very upset and angry Fenris stalked in the room, dropping a pile of wood by the fire.  She could tell by his body language he was angry.

"Fenris?" she ventured quietly, almost afraid to speak.

"Hawke."  His voice was tight, controlled and very short.

"How did..." 

His growl cut her off from finishing her question. Finally, he exploded.  "How did you get here?"  he finished "I brought you here after you nearly died on Ander's chopping block for foolish running ahead of me."  His voice full of worry and anger.

She blinked several times shocked by his explosion.  "Fenris...I'm..."

"No!"  he shouted suddenly very close now "Don't..."  he couldn't even finish his sentence or even remember what he was going to say.  He was trembling with rage, relief and guilt from _letting_ her get hurt.

"You don't think Hawke. Think about how your actions effect the others around you.  You leap headlong into danger and expect us to pick up the slack.  What if you had died today?" he barked his face hiding behind his hair.

She had shrunk back from him when he started yelling at her.  She could tell where the anger stemmed from, fear.  Fear for her, losing her.  She could feel it.  She had acted foolishly. 

_What if I had died?  Was that the voice leading away from the Maker's side?  Isn't that what I wanted for the pain to end?_

As she watched him, she noticed the dark spots forming on the coverlet below his face and she knew the answer. His knuckles were turning white from the grip he had on the coverlet.  Reaching out slowly she placed her hand over his.  She saw his head turn but he didn't look up.

"You are a foolish woman."  He repeated quietly, his voice unsteady "I hate what you have done to me."

"Fenris..."  she whispered his name so quietly he had to move toward her to hear it.

She tugged on his arm to get him to lay down with her, he resisted at first but with some coaxing he laid down with her.  He still wouldn't look at her but she didn't mind.  She wrapped her arms around him, eventually getting him to let go of the coverlet.  She ran her fingers along the palms of his hands. 

She didn't know what to say.  She'd come to the sudden realization that she was needed by this man.  How far had she fallen to believe that she'd be better off dead?  She'd been very foolish, increditably selfish. _Maker forgive me._

Neither of them knew how long they lay there.  Fenris did finally stir.  Sitting up on his knees he planted a hand on each side of her, his face inches from hers. His eyes were so intense, she'd not seen him look at her like that before.

"Never.  Do. That. Again." He said each word slowly. 

He waited until she nodded, still unable to speak, before kissing her on the forward.  She closed her eyes when she felt his lips on her forward. She heard him retreat off the bed. 

"I will draw you a bath.  I left some clean clothes on the chair." 

It was silent while he pumped the water and heated it. She lay in his bed drumming her fingers on her stomach ceiling at his ceiling. She had started dozing when he came in to get her.

"Can you walk?" he asked his voice unusually soft.

"I may have to lean on you, but I think so."

Removing the sheets, she slowly slid her legs over the edge.  She hissed, her injuries must have been severe for her to still be this hurt after Anders had time with her.  Grasping his shoulder, she hauled herself up to standing. 

Taking a moment to steady herself she tried to walk with him.  Within three steps her legs collapsed beneath her and the only thing that saved her from the cold tile floor she Fenris' strong arm around her shoulder. Wordlessly he picked her up and took her into the washing room. Setting her down in a chair he brought in a towel and a change of clothing.

"I can do the rest myself if you are not comfortable." She said.

"You've had others help you bath before?" he asked raising an eyebrow, trying to cover his uneasiness.

"I've been hurt bad enough once or twice to warrant it.  I can manage." She replied.

"You barely managed three steps.  I will help in and out. “ he turning so he did not watch her undress, even if he wanted to see her all of her. The fact that she was comfortable with her nakedness surprised him, he couldn't stand people seeing him exposed.

"I am ready."

He tried to keep his eyes forward as his fingers curled around her waist and legs.  _Eyes forward._ He kept telling himself.  It was torturous on him, lowering a very naked Hawke into his bathtub. He looked down at her when he heard her hiss when the hot water flooded over her wound.  If it weren't for the fact he knew she was badly injured this would have aroused him, but his concern for her well-being seemed to curb any sexual desire he had.

"Do you need anything else?"  he asked slowly pulling his arms out of the water.

"No, thank you."  She said. 

Stepping out of the room he left the door open in case she needed anything he would hear her.  He moved the bench closer to the hearth, watching the flame consume the wood he'd thrown on the fire while he waited for Hawke to be done.  Normally something like this would only be in his dreams and would be highly arousing. 

While he found her arousing the situation made concern and comfort a priority over any shyness over her current naked state.  It wasn't like he hadn't seen naked bodies before, or had to touch them. It was only different because it was Hawke.

Somehow, most likely through this new bond, he felt when she was finished.  She looked up at him when he entered.  Unfolding the towel, he wrapped it around an unsteady Hawke when she stood.  Lifting her up he helped steady her as she dried off and put her underclothes on.  Before she could put anything else on he went about putting the salve on that Anders had given him.

"Did Anders give that to you?" she asked.

His only acknowledgment was a nod.  He was careful with the covering he wrapped around her. 

"I told your brother that you would staying here.  I think he assumes you are my mistress or the other way around. I do not know what he told your mother." He said laying her down again "rest is what you need. " he pushed her back gently.

"If she isn't here then he didn't tell her I am hurt." She replied.

He was silently thankful for that.  He was enjoying caring for her this way.

"Where will you be sleeping?" she asked while he was crouched by the fire.

"There is another bedroom in this house."  He replied leaving out it was the servants quarters, he refused to put her in there.

He found that he had an enormous soft spot for her.  Despite her being a mage.  Amazing by how strong she was. _I see not all mages are weak.  You aren't._ he couldn't bring himself to say it aloud, admitting that his hatred had abated a little to allow one mage in. 

When the stew was ready he poured her a bowl.  Bringing it to her he sat on the bed with her as she ate.

"Aren't you going to eat?" when she noticed he didn't have a bowl.

"I will eat later." It was strange putting someone else first, but it felt right.

Satisfied with his answer she ate her meal.  The warm stew mixed with being tired and in a comfortable bed made her very sleepy.  Being careful of her wound she slid down and got comfortable.

"Goodnight Fenris."  She whispered.

He had to lean forward to hear her, smiling as he did so.  He gave her forehead a kiss, taking in her scent. He was still quite surprised how easily he let her touch him and how much he craved it.  It was strange yearning for the touch of a mage.  He used to despise it.  Magic usually ruined everything than it touched, except this.

"You are precious..." his voice barely above a whisper... _To me..._ he finished silently.

* * *

 

There were no dreams, no nightmares.  Simply nothing but blessed nothing.  Or at least nothing he could remember.  Hawke seemed to have slept through the night as well.  Which was more than he could say for himself. 

He on the other hand kept waking up to make sure she was still there, as if some phantom would come and take her away. Every time he was met by the sight of her sleeping soundly cuddling one of his pillows.

After the fourth or fifth time, he couldn't remember, of waking.  Fenris decided awake was awake.  He spent a lot of that time simply watching her.  Sometime in the early morning hours Fenris heard a soft whimper coming from the bed. He'd almost dismissed it when he heard it again coming from Hawke.

She was clutching the pillow tight and crying in her sleep.  He couldn't imagine what she was dreaming about that made her cry.  He tried waking her but found he couldn't wake her.  He remembered that at times he could not wake Denarius either.  He tried not to think about how many times he was punished for not being able to wake the man on time for certain functions.

He focused on the present.  Being unable to wake her, he pulled her into his lap.  He started stroking her hair, whispering something soothing in Arcanum. It felt like someone had run a feather up his spine when her arm snaked around his waist, causing the lyrium to flare momentarily. 

Taking a few deep breaths, he lowered his gaze to her.  She was quieted and stilled, no longer weeping. _What do you dream about? Hawke, that causes you so much pain?_ He wanted to know how he could alleviate it.  It bothered...no bothered wasn't a strong enough word, it pained him to see her like this.  Sighing he leaned back against the headboard and waited for dawn.

* * *

 

Warm sunshine on her face roused her from sleep.  Like the sun burning away morning fog, she woke the moment the sun touched her face.  A soft groan escaped her when she stretched, mindful of the soreness in her side. Momentarily forgetting where she was she looked around disoriented. 

There was no sign of Fenris.  Crawling over the bed she saw where he had laid out fresh clothing.  It must have been something he found in the house.  Reaching out to touch the embroidered fabric she was amazed at the softness of it. Lifting it up so she could get a better look at it. 

It was white with black and gray embroidery, long sleeved and high collared.  Beneath it was a firmer cloth corset with white embroidery and lacing.  Black cotton leggings and bracers.  All of fine and sturdy make. A new pair of soft leather boots was on the floor next to it. 

She took her time dressing, and to her amazement it fit nicely.  A little loose but not bad, she could use to gain a few pounds. She enjoyed the feel of it against her skin.

She was pulling her new boots on when Fenris walked in.  His breath caught in his throat at the sight of her.  He thought it would suit her but she looked absolutely radiant in it.

"Good Morning Fenris."  She sounded genuinely cheerful and delighted to see him.

"..." He cleared his throat after the first failed attempt to speak "Morning, Theresa."  He ventured trying her first name. _Why do you have to be so beautiful? It would be so much easier if you weren't._

The use of her first name caught her attention, instead of him calling her Hawke.  She didn't mind it most days but wished he'd use her given name.  She decided against saying anything lest he decide not to use it again she went about as if it was natural.

"Thank you for the new clothes.  I love them."  Standing idle she began to rub the toe of her new boots into the tiles behind her.

"You are welcome."  He said quietly trying not to stare "I found them in a trunk and thought they would fit you."

He heard her walk towards him, stopping within arm's reach.  "I wanted to thank you for taking care of me.  I am terribly sorry that I put you through that and I promise to be more careful." 

"See that you do."  Fenris replied trying to keep his voice neutral and failing.  "Venhedis..."  he whispered harshly.

"What?" she asked barely catching the word.

Looking up sharply he hadn't meant that to be said out loud. He sighed loudly, though it sounded more like a gruff groan. 

"Ma Aureum, bese ma mortis." Speaking in Arcanum.

"You aren't going to tell me what that means are you?"  she asked looking at him with a raised brow.

"No."  his answer was short but there was the tiniest hint of a smile.

She smiled back, "it can't be that bad if you are trying _not_ to smile."

"Ma aureum, is it?" she repeated, he was amazed that she had repeated it correctly after only hearing it once. "I like the sound of that.  “ she sighed "I should be off, doubtless mother is worried sick about me staying at a man's house over night. I'll see you tonight."  She squeezed his arm before heading out.

 _Ma aureum?_  He wondered at his choice in words. He sighed. _What have I gotten myself into?  My golden one..._


	7. Interlude: Revelations Part 2

"I don't like that idea of you staying at another man's house."  Her mother scolded.

Theresa inhaled sharply through her nose and could already imagine what Carver told her.  It was one of the few times her face was set in a scowl.  She hated it when he told mother these things.  It made her worry and forget.  Then the cycle of reminding her mother began anew.

"I just don't wan..."

"Me to ruin my chances of finding a good husband?"  she finished, "mother we have been over this.  I will not be marrying.  I cannot bear children, and no respectable man will take me.  Please, focus on finding Carver a wife if you must. “she pleaded grasping her mother's shoulders "I know it's not what you want to accept, but you have to accept it.  I cannot continue our family, I cannot give you grandchildren.  I accept this you should too.  “she hugged her mother, she couldn't stand to see her so sad. "I stayed over there because me and Carver had a bad fight and sometimes I need space.  If it makes you feel any better we did not sleep in the same bed.  Your daughter is not some tavern wench gallivanting about with random men. "

She smiled when her mother's face lightened and she gave her a tiny smile. "Off to the Chantry with you, I know you wish to pray for me and Carver."  She said pushing her towards the door.

She was so glad Carver was out because she'd whip him once or twice for telling mother some garbage like she was sleeping with another man.  Even if it was true it was none of his business, certainly not his to tell.

* * *

 

"Hold up, Blondie, I wouldn't go in there yet."  Varric send standing at the bottom of the stairs.

"What? Why?" Anders asked, he could barely hear raised voices coming from down the hall "Why aren't you in your suite?"

"Hawke and Junior started fighting in my suite."  He replied sounding none too thrilled, "they better not break anything." 

There came the sound of a door slamming against the wall.  Carver came stalking down the hall, shoving past Anders.

"Out of my way!" he said through clenched teeth.  Pushing his way through he stomped out muttering about something about Hawke.

"Hey!" Anders scowled at the retreating younger Hawke,"That doesn't sound good."   

"You're right there Blondie."

Varric was relieved to see his suite intact.  Hawke sat at the table, shoulders slumped, her forehead resting against her hands.  She was rubbing her chin with her thumbs.  Her breathing was deliberate and controlled. 

Anders took a seat quietly next to her.  She felt his hand on her shoulder, his thumb rubbing the back of her neck reassuringly.

"You okay Hawke?" he asked concern showing in his voice and on his face.

"No, but I will be."  She replied quietly, talking into her hands.

"What was that all about?" Anders could see her lips just below her hands.  She had such a beautiful mouth. He inwardly wondered what her lips felt like.

"I hope it's something worthy of epic tales with how you two scream at each other. “ Varric said drily.

He got a scowl from Anders, who thought it was inappropriate but a laugh from Hawke, who obviously found it amusing. Lifting her head his hand slid up the back of her neck and into her hair, he resisted the urge to pull her in closer.

"If you want your epic tale to be about how two siblings fight over whom their mother will marry off next."  She said sarcastically rolling her eyes.

Anders frowned at the thought of her marrying someone else, especially that, _elf._    _No, her mother wouldn't approve of that._ That thought made him feel a little better.  Varric laughed at her comment.

"No that's not a very good story, unless an evil wizard and a dragon is involved."

Again, she laughed.  Reaching up she pulled his hand out of her hair, she let him comfort her by letting him hold his hand over hers. She felt Anders grip tighten as he himself stiffened.  Looking to the door she saw Fenris glaring at the mage and the mage glaring back.

Fenris dead stopped in the middle of the doorway when he saw Anders holding her hand and her allowing him to touch her. He felt his heart constrict.  _Was she?  That's right little wolf, how could she want you?  You are a slave, a fugitive. You belong to me._ He growled away his former master’s voice. 

His sudden stop caused Isabela to run into his back, he didn't budge.  Ignoring the pain that spread from the point of impact.  He could do nothing but stare, trembling in rage that was barely held in check.

"Hey, Fenris.  I want by."  She heard Isabela's voice behind him but he wouldn't budge.

Theresa wasn't sure what had caused the sudden shift in his mood.  Rising she pulled her hand free of Anders, what Fenris saw was hesitance on her part when Anders grip tightened.  It was too much.  He wanted to rip the mages heart out right now. 

"Venhedis! Vishanti Caevas!" he snarled. 

He nearly bowled Isabela over when he turned on his heel and left the room.  Isabela barely managed to get out of the way of the very pissed off elf.

"Fenris!" she called after him.

She was about to go after him when Anders caught her arm holding her still. "Don't."  he said, "He isn't worth it."

She took a deep breath, a sudden revelation, her eyes boring into him. "Let go Anders." She said quietly pulling her arm from his grasp. "Excuse me Isabela."

"Why is everyone so fussy tonight?" she asked, watching the mage go after her a few moments later "Are you sure you want to chase after that?" she asked "seems she's a bit taken."

"Not now Isabela."  He said when she had conveniently stepped in his way.

* * *

 

"Fenris!"  she called again, louder, the strain to yell hurt her voice. "Fenris...stop!"  she called reaching out and grasping his arm.

Snarling he spun and caught her.  She was surprised by his sudden reaction and didn't have time to react dropping her staff as he had her pinned against a wall.

"Do not touch me harlot!" he face twisted into a visage of rage and pain.

She tried to speak but he squeezed tighter on her throat to silence her.  She knew he could kill her if he wanted, but he was holding back.  "I was a fool to trust you. You...you... that _mage._ "

"Fenris I..."  she stopped when she heard the last part.  She understood.  _He thinks me and Anders.  Oh, dear Maker._ She felt like the fool now.  She should have known better, but her recent fight with Carver had addled her nerves.

"I should..."  he stopped there.

She felt his hand contract, though it seemed more he was to hold her there rather than cause her any harm. She kept eye contact with him, remembering the frightened wolf, how he lashes out when she was trying to help him.

"Fenris."

There was no hint of fear, even her heartbeat had evened out once she'd realized what was going on. She tuned out the entire world in that moment, nothing else mattered.  Not the rough stone biting into her back and shoulders, the pressure of his taloned gauntlets on her neck or the commotion coming from outside the Hanged Man.

"I submit to you."  she whispered placing her hand on his forearm.  The lyrium flared to life briefly before traveling underneath his tunic, reappearing at his collar then stopping at his lips.

Her words surprised him enough, admitting her fault.  He tried to deny it until she touched him and he could no longer deny it.  He knew it to be truth. His thumb moved over her windpipe, much more akin to a caress than a choke hold now.

* * *

 

"Out of my way harlot! Before the mongrel does something to her." Anders snapped pushing his way past the busty pirate.

"He's not going to hurt Hawke, unless she wants him too."  Her voice sultry "I could show you if you like." She leaned forward tracing her finger along the collar of his coat.

"Enough!" he snapped "Fine!  But it something happens to her it's on you!"  he said stomping away from her.

"Rivaini that was..." his voice trailed off.

"Bad.  I know, but it was fun. " her eyes lit up "Oh well."  She replied shrugged

* * *

 

He was passing his thumb over the smooth skin over her windpipe.  Part of him demanded he crush it for betraying him.  The other part couldn't bear to lose her to anything. Shifting her weight so that the wall wasn't biting into her so much she watched his breathing, waiting for it to steady before speaking.

"There is nothing between me and Anders.  Nothing you need worry about." She explained though he still hadn't looked at her "He is not the one I want."

She felt his hand relax.  Then she moved.  Placing her palms on either side of his neck just below his jaw, he eyes closed his eyes when he felt her energy flowing through her hands and into him.  It caused the lyrium to glow slightly, casting a her in a blue glow. Leaning in she kissed the corner of his mouth.

* * *

 

Anders stopped on his way out when he saw them down the street.  He thought he was doing something to her when he saw her lean forward and when he assumed was kissing him.  His eyes narrowed. _That mongrel doesn't deserve her!_

He wanted to stalk away or do something.  Scream and shout, lash out, but he was stuck watching.  He didn't agree with it at all.  Certain that man...that animal would be the death of her one way or another.

* * *

 

"H-Hawke...I..." he couldn't look at her, he was so ashamed for his actions.  What if he'd hurt her or worse. _I love her._   This revelation was startling, terrifying and gratifying all at once.

Stepping forward she wrapped her arms around the back of his neck and shoulders. He was stiff and tense at first.  Loosing a heavy sigh, he relaxed.  The hand that had been at her throat moments before now resting on her hip, the other wound possessively around her shoulders.   From where he rested his chin on her shoulder he could see Anders staring seething.

 He narrowed his eyes at the mage. The only thing he kept him from doing anything was the fact that Hawke had shown that she had chosen.  He didn't want to ruin this with stalking off after her mage friend. 

Fenris watched the mage until he finally had enough and left, eyes still following him until he was out of sight.   _That's right mage, she chose me._ He thought inwardly unconsciously growling deep in his throat.

Hawke felt it more than heard it.  "What is it?" she asked.

"Nothing."  He replied unwilling to let her move around him yet, until Anders was completely out of sight. When he did release her shoulders, it was reluctantly. "Shall I walk you home?"

She looked at the ground, fidgeting with her hands. "I don't want to go home.  Me and Carver had another huge fight and..."

"You can stay with me."  He broke in "I have extra beds."

"No, I don't want to put you out of your own bed.  I can rent a room." She was digging the toe of her boot into the ground behind her.

" It's no bother.  Come." His tone was firm but not unkind, his voice left no room for denial.

She didn't fight him when he took her hand and walked with her to his estate in Hightown.  He was quiet during the walk to Hightown.  He kept his eyes straight ahead, if he hadn't been unwilling to release her hand she may have thought he wanted to be alone.

 _What am I doing?_ Asking himself while he led her to his mansion.  _Why am I letting her stay?  Why do I want her to stay?  Why am I falling for...venhedis, I have already fallen for this mage._ Fenris watched her out of the corner of his eye, glad his hair obscured his face. 

 _Creator, concedoeve ti praesidis mi._ He kept repeating it silently.  He almost wished for when his life only consisted of looking out for himself.  It was easier but hollow.  Now he had something he cared for.  Something to protect.  Something to lose.  That thought scared him more than anything else.  He'd lost his mind if something happened to her now.

She looked up at him when his grip on her hand tightened.  He looked down at her with alarm when she prayed his hand from hers, relaxing again when she interlaced her fingers with his.  He had started rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb, enjoying the pulses of energy that were traveling through his markings.  He wondered how much control she had, sighing he decided it didn't matter, not for her anyway.

He did not let go until they reached his front door, even they he was reluctant to let go when he opened the door to let her in.  He made them a simple meal and opened a bottle of the "fruity" wine she liked to help her and himself unwind.

"You can have my bed." He offered, "I can sleep in the..."

"None-sense."  She interrupted "If I am going to impose on you then I'll sleep in your guest room."

He let out a sigh of relief, his mind went to inappropriate places when she started that sentence. "It is the far room on the right." He couldn't help but smile at her now.

Setting her glass on the table she rose and stretched. "I should head to bed.  It's been a very long day."

"There are extra blankets in the hall closet if you get cold."  He hadn't moved from his favorite chair, leaning back his glass dangling from his fingers.

"Thank you again."  Hawke's voice was truly grateful. 

She leaned over him to grab her coat which lay over the back of his chair. He could smell her and it was nearly too much for him.  Before he could stop himself, he'd turned his head and buried his nose in her hair.

"Fenris what..." she turned in surprise.

The unexpected breath had tickled her ear and neck.  It brought her face to face with him.  Unable to control it anymore he kissed her.  He wanted it, now.  She was, at first startled and tense, after a moment she relaxed then responded.

 Forgetting about his glass it slipped from his fingers when he brought both arms around her pulling her in his lap.  Fenris rested one arm around her waist and over to her opposite hip, the other has slipped around into her hair.  She had one arm pinned against his chest from how he pulled her down and the other on his shoulder.

Fenris heard the glass break but he didn't care.  It... she sent pulses of energy running from his head down through all his limbs then back up.  It made him dizzy and glad he was sitting down.  She tasted like the sweet wine mixed with her own unique flavor.  His aggressive kiss had her pushing him back.  He was alarmed when she pulled away.

"Gentle." Was the only word she said.

"...Moestitia _..."_ he whispered in Arcanum.

He let her get comfortable before leaning in to kiss her again, this time with more gentleness.  As before he just wanted to kiss her now he could enjoy it.  He drank her in.  Her soft lips and tongue.  He noticed how she closed her eyes when she was kissing him.  He could taste the magic in her.  It was sweet, like her, not sour like when Hadriana had kissed him.

 It drew him in, pulling like a tide.  At the same time, she shared with him, mana flowed freely between them in the brief time their mouths met, filling his veins, pooling around his chest.  He wanted more, but forced himself to slow down.  It was him that broke away this time, gazing at her absolutely amazed.   He sat back catching his breath. He caressed her face with the backs of his fingers.  He blinked when she reached up to his face, running her fingers along his nose.  She smiled.

"What?" he asked unsure of why she was smiling.

"I like your nose."

He stared at her blinked. "my...nose?"  he asked suddenly remembering a conversation he had with Isabela "you aren't going to tell me you want to cut it off and wear it as a necklace, do you?"

Laughter erupted from her, true and pure.  "Maker no!" she was still giggling when she looked at him again. "It's hard to explain.  Elves all have very distinctive noses, very thick bridges."  She explained touching the area between his eyes "but yours is perfect."  She said "just like your eyes, and I don't want to wear those as a necklace either.  I like them where they are."

Though he was unsure how to react to the unusual compliment he did laugh when she started teasing him about wanting to wear them as a necklace.  He'd not thought about what features about her he liked.  What stood out the most to him was her eyes.  They reminded him of coastal storms on Seheron, when the sky would turn gray and the rains would begin.  Lightning and thunder cracking the air.

"Your eyes remind me of storms." He paused unsure of how to continue, he was not used to complimenting anyone. "On Seheron I would watch the storms come in from the coast.  Even standing outside in the rain they were lovely. "

He was glad when she smiled, he knew he'd not botched that one up.  He didn't complain when she shifted into a more comfortable position, using his shoulder as a pillow. Once she had settled he rested his arms around her hips and his cheek against her forehead.

"What does ma _aureum_ mean?" her voice was soft and sleepy.

"My golden one, a term for one who is close to your heart." He explained softly into her hair, it was something wives and husbands said each other, people in love.

"It's pretty." She laid her hand over his chest "Am I close to your heart?"

"Yes." He cleared his throat when it threatened to break. _I love you Hawke...Theresa._


	8. Interlude: Revelations Part 3

He dozed, going between watching the fire and listening to it.  Propping his head up with his hand or leaning it on the back of the chair.  He was acutely aware of Hawke sleeping soundly on him.  He really should put her in bed, but he was loath to move.  The popping of the dying fire finally got him to move. 

Careful not to wake her he laid her in his bed.  It was closer and more comfortable.  He was amazed how deeply she slept when he placed her under the covers.  He watched her for a few minutes before finally turning away to get ready for bed.

He normally didn't wear anything but tonight he made an exception, it helped control the baser urges of her being so close. He'd found loose fitting linen sleeping clothes in one of the wardrobes.  He wore the pants but couldn't stand to where a shirt to bed. It reminded him of being restrained, not a pleasant memory.

Still wanting to be close to her he laid down on top of the coverlet arms folded behind his head. Even he fell asleep though, it had been a long day.

Still mostly asleep he became aware of Hawke whimpering beside him.  Unthinking he moved underneath the coverlet pulling her onto him. She stirred along enough to wrap her arms around him, laying her head back on his shoulder. Her touch once again connected them.  He frowned when he felt sorrow and pain.

" _Quies mei amor_."  He repeated over and over in Arcanum.

He kept repeating it, along with trying to send peaceful emotions her way.  Love mostly.  His love.  He could feel the energy cycling between them and relaxed when she quieted and peacefulness replaced whatever had been causing her distress. He buried his nose in her hair, that was his last conscious thought before falling back to sleep.

* * *

 

Unknown dreams mixed with pleasant thoughts woke her early the next morning.  This was not unusual as she woke just before or just after dawn most days.  It was a slow and gradual process.  First aware of the warmth under her, smooth skin and the hum of lyrium.  _Lyrium?_ She thought, _where am I?_

Opening her eyes, she was face to face with a still sleeping Fenris.  For someone who claimed to be a light sleeper he barely stirred when she shifted, mumbling something then rolling over to face her.  Waking when she brushed her fingers across his cheek, he grasped her hand without opening his eyes.

"I thought I was going to sleep alone in the guest room."

He enjoyed the soft sound of her morning voice. "Roll over." Was his answer.

She laughed but did as he asked.  Wrapping an arm around her he pulled her so that his hips were against her rear and her back at his chest, then he buried his face in the back of her neck.

"I was tired."  he said when he finally answered her question "And I wasn't ready to let go."

"Like now?" she sounded happy, he was glad of it.

Her answer was his humming into the back of her neck and a squeeze from his arm. Perfectly content to remain in bed with him she began to trace the lyrium veins down his elbow to his hands.  He relaxed his arm for her to manipulate it. 

She ran her finger tips over the veins going down each finger on the palms of his hands.  It was all very similar to what Hadriana used to do except this was very loving, none of it hurt though he did feel it distinctly.  The ache came when she _stopped_ touching not when she started.

While he dozed he let her shift however she wanted as long as she didn't try to remove herself from his grasp.  She traced the lyrium up his forearms to his shoulders.  Delighting when they flared to life for brief instances, which caused him either to shiver or goose bumps.

He tensed momentarily when she touched his neck, he found it was easy to relax knowing it was her. He hummed contently.  It was an enjoyable experience when the person doing wasn't doing to cause pain.  He jerked when she trailed down the side of his torso.

"Don't."  he warned.

She couldn't help but giggle.  "You are ticklish."

Her response was a gruff, growl.  "I won't."  she nuzzled his neck in apology "not unless you tell me it's okay."  She knew what it was like to hate feeling vulnerable and being ticklish made you feel exposed.

He caught her hands when they got close to his stomach. Despite all of this being innocent and loving it still was arousing and he was working very hard to keep under control.

"Fenris?"

"You are teasing me.  You are making it hard to remain a gentleman."

"Oh?"

"Hawke."  Came the warning voice again.

Flashing a wicked grin, she pushed him on his back and straddled his hips, gently setting herself on top of him.  He inhaled sharply and barely suppressed a moan. The shirt she wore hung off her in all the right ways, slipping off her right shoulder leaving it bare as well as a good portion of her chest. He felt her knees on either side of his rib cage, much to his surprise they were bare.  She set his hands on her knees.

"Before you speak."  She stopped him "There are other more innocent things we can do."

"This is hardly innocent." His voice tight, he was working very hard to control himself.

She rubbed his hands.  "I can leave."

"No." she felt his grip tighten "you cannot."

 He closed his eyes while running his hands up the top of her thighs and down the sides.  She knew what she was doing was equal parts good and mean.  She knew they both craved physically affection even though she knew neither was ready to go that far yet.

He slid his hands up the sides of her rib cage and back down over her stomach, avoiding more sensitive areas.  He felt a deep scar over her lower abdomen.  Frowning he pushed her shirt away to reveal a nasty and deep scar running from just below her hip diagonal towards the opposite leg. It was the width and length of a standard long sword going in from an angle.

"What is this?" he asked feeling the scar tissue.

Her face grew darker when she followed his gaze.  Her own hands tracing it. "A gift from a Templar.  He said he was doing the world a favor by sterilizing a mage with a fiery sword." He gave a short laugh, "I did worse to him.  I don't think they ever found his body."

"He sterilized you?" he asked the very idea of it filled his with disgust and rage.

"Damaged beyond repair.  Mother was heartbroken, she keeps forgetting I can't have children."  She looked down "I understand if that makes me undesirable."  Her voice one of acceptance of something she could not control.

"No, Theresa, that doesn't make you any less desirable to me.   Look at me." She'd never heard him speak so softly before.

She slowly lifted her face to meet his eyes.  She nearly started crying when she saw the love there. Reaching up he tucked an errant lock of hair behind her ear.

"You are _ma aureum_.  " Fenris placed her hand over his heart. "I promise I will never leave you."

She knew he spoke the truth.  It was all she needed to hear to know that no matter what happened she would be all right.


	9. The Bone Pit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beseve dorus! Vishanti caevas, Malum!: You should be ashamed! The three demons take you! Fuck!  
> Na via lerno victoria: Only the living know victory.

_She was alone in a wasteland.  Nothing but barren, dry, cracked earth for as far as the eye could see.  The only thing the broke the flatness of the landscape was the occasional hill or bleached bones half buried and long forgotten. Besides being barren looked like it had been devastated by fire.  Charred remnants of pictures, toys, clothing and other mementos lay strewn and scattered about the dry earth._

_At the edges of the expanse was a tall monolith.  It ran through the wasteland like a nasty scar, cutting off the wasteland from more fertile parts of the fade.  She watched the monolith with a sense of melancholy.  Somewhere on the other side was her unborn child.  Sometimes she could hear it crying, other times it was silent._

_She felt an unwelcome presence in the wasteland.  The land buckled and shivered at the touch of the demon as it entered her dreams.  Unwelcome in it this desolate place. She waited calmly on her hill watching the mottled colors of green beyond the monolith. **How long had it been since I've seen the other side?** She asked herself.  **Long enough not to remember.**_

_She didn't see the demon but Fenris standing behind her.  She knew it for the skin it wore, she could feel the wrongness permeating from the creature. She felt its breath on her cheek, his voice in her ear threatening to make her knees go weak, but she did remain strong._

**_Why do you not look at me love?_ ** _It asked with his voice, it was a mockery of her love. **I desire you.**_

**_You cheapen his memory with your facade demon, your skins do not fool me._ ** _Her voice was harsh and unforgiving.  Finally tearing her gaze from the monolith to the demon wearing her love's skin. **You are not wanted here.**_

_It smiled sweetly, but something about its smile made her skin crawl. **That does not stop you from desiring me.** The demon had her there, yes, she desired, but not all desires where to do indulged. **I can give you what you want.** The skin melting away as she placed the healthy baby in her arms, she closed her eyes against the tears. Not this.  Not again. **I can make this happen.**  The demon’s lips grazing her cheek. _

_She felt the baby squirm in her arms.  Trembling she dropped the empty swaddling.  Releasing a terrible cry, she could hear the demon’s laughter. **You need me.**_

**_I do not need you!_ ** _She screamed turning on her tormentor, **you cannot have me.  You are unwanted here demon.  Begone!**   The strength of her voice and the power she commanded within her own mind shook the ground and reminded the demon of who was in control here. _

**_Just remember little mage what you could have had..._ ** _her voice faded away leaving her alone once again in the Fade.  Looking at her feet there was a new addition to her wasteland.  A basket with a lovely, half-even baby looking up at her with his eyes._

**_What I could have had._ ** _**Yes.**   **I am sorry.** She said to the baby.  The hardest thing she ever did was turn and leave the baby on that lonely hill.  _

* * *

 

Fenris had been unusually quiet the entire hike up to the bone pit.  He'd been in a surly mood since they started traveling with Merrill, something about her put him on edge.  Now she was staring at him.

"Why are you watching me like that?" he asked tiring of the constant scrutiny.

"You have Vallaslin."  She started in her cheerful tone " The same markings as the Dalish have."

"Yours are not made out of Lyrium."  His voice taking that low pitch when he was starting to get annoyed.

Hawke listened but otherwise didn't get involved in their conversation.  She just didn't want them to start fighting like he and Anders did or her and Carver, it was hard enough without them at it too.

" No, they are made of blood.  Our blood.  That's what Vallaslin means: blood writing.  It's a mark of adulthood."

"Mine were carved into my flesh against my will, in a ritual I remember only for the agony it caused me."  His annoyance creeping out into his voice.

Merrill was taken aback, slowing in her stride. "I'm...so sorry."

The only response she got from Fenris was a grunt.  Quickening his pace, he took point, leaving Merrill alone. Hawke waited for Merrill to catch up.  Squeezing her shoulder when Merrill stopped beside her.

"Don't take it personally Merrill.  He'll get used to you."

"Thank you, Hawke."  Merrill reached up and patted her hand grateful for the encouragement.

* * *

 

 "There's a foul wind coming from the cavern.  I smell death." Fenris warned when they approached the entrance to the mines.

"First looters, now soothsayer elves, what's next?" Varric asked sarcastically.

"Ooh its exciting."  Merrill chimed. 

"Thank you for the image Fenris.  Merrill keep your wits about you." 

The mines were dark, vastly dark.  Half the torches lighting the walls were burnt out or missing.  Hawke lost her footing on some loose stones.  She yelped with surprise, groaning when she hit the ground.  She landed on her hip, bruising it.

"Hawke!" Fenris kept his voice low.  He was at her side momentarily. "Are you hurt?"

"No.  I'm fine."  Accepting his help to stand she gingerly tested her leg "Bruised but fine.  Let's keep moving.  "

He sighed "Hold onto my arm, I'll guide you."

She held onto his forearm until they exited the mine shaft.  The rest of the mine was better lit than the shaft but still dim.  Merrill wandered off a little ways to look at something.

"Merrill stay close." Hawke called releasing Fenris.

"Look at these cute little mushrooms, Hawke." Her voice was unmistakable, it made Hawke think of a child.

"What did you find Merrill?" she asked coming over to where she was standing "Oh Lady Elegant told me about these, they are deep mushrooms.  She'd be interested in these. “ kneeling she picked a few and slid them into a pouch on her belt.

"Do you hear that?" Fenris asked.

They all feel silent and they too heard the purr-like chirping coming from down one of the mine's pathways.  Swiftrunner starting growling as a lizard-like creature the size of a Mabari rounded the corner followed by several others.

"Are those?" Varric asked.

"No time for questions!"  Fenris yelled, charging forward past the rest of them alongside her hound to engage the closest of the creatures. "Na via lerno victoria!"  he bellowed bringing his massive two-handed sword down onto one of the creatures, it didn't slice through its thick hide resisting the blade, but there was the audible sound of bones breaking beneath the power of the swing.

"Maker curse you!" Hawke cried gesturing to the largest of the hatchlings. 

A pale haze settled over the creature, weakening the creatures hide. Fenris's swings and Varric's bolts were more effective in taking the creature down. 

Several more creatures appeared from another tunnel surrounding Hawke.  Events of the foundry replaced in Fenris's mind as he was also too far to reach her before they felled her.  A momentary wave of panic flooded through him. 

Before he could act or yell for her there was a _snap_ that was barely audible.  The next moment he felt a shockwave and all four of the beasts had been thrown several feet and were dazed, giving both him and her time to move.

As he ran forward she ran past him.  She meant to leap over one of the dazed creatures but it recovered just enough to lash out and catch her leg as she flew by, knocking her off balance and a pile of crates but luckily no serious injuries.  Unfortunately, the creature was already waddling towards her at amazing speed.

"Hawke!"  she heard Varric yelled.

Fenris had to trust that she could care for herself, he couldn't afford to turn away from this many creatures for a moment.  Loosing another bellow, he released his anger and frustration on the hatchling cleaving its head from its quivering body.

She turned just in time to kick the creature in the face, giving her enough time to scramble to her feet.  That didn't save have though from taking a direct hit from the Dragon's tail that erupted from a weak spot in the stone wall.   She flew twenty feet from the blow landing on her side.

 Exhausted from an extended battle she sought to put some space between her and the charging creature.  She didn't have the energy to cast anymore spells, let alone heal herself of the broken ribs she was sure she had from the blow.

She thought she was a goner for sure.  Then she heard singing.  Not verbal singing but the singing of lyrium.  Searching quickly knowing she had only moments before the beast was on her, she found a node of raw lyrium. 

"Thank the Maker!"  she whispered.

Ripping off her glove she buried her fingers in the lyrium node, drawing on its power to rejuvenate her.  It wasn't something she liked doing, but a trick she learned from the spirit and the spirit gave her to ability to do it.  Her eyes flashed a searing blue, it was almost like the lyrium was leaking from her eyes to anyone watching.

Somewhere in the back of her mind she heard them yelling for her.  Searching and worried, but she couldn't listen.  He had to focus.  Focus on the spell.  Staring down the dragon that was nearly over her she loosed the first spell on her lips.  A white flash erupted around the dragon, black veins issued from it twisting and forming two wicked looking arms.  Releasing the node Hawke emulated digging the taloned hands into the dragon, the spell mimicked her movements.  Then she ripped them apart.  A curdling cry issued from the dragon as it was literally ripped in half.

"Hawke are you all right?" Merrill asked running up at her.

"I'm fine."  Hawke replied discretely wiping the lyrium residue on her pants, then walking past Merrill "Do either of you need healing?" she asked running up to Fenris and Varric.

"No serious injuries here Hawke.   How did you do that? It will make an amazing story!" he claimed.

"I'm sure with its share of embellishments.  Hold still Fenris." She used her other hand to heal him unsure of how any residual lyrium would react to him. "You all right?" she asked.

"Fine.  We should move on."

"Agreed."

He knew something was amiss.  He could feel it.  She had done something, inspecting behind the crates she'd walked out of he found a raw lyrium node.  He didn't get too close.  He could feel it in his skin.  From where he stood he could just make out a hand print.

* * *

 

Following the terrified miner’s directions, they found themselves on a ledge face to face with a mature dragon.  It was much bigger than the one that Hawke had vanquished.  She was never more grateful for finding that lyrium node, she needed to power now more than anything.  _Was this any different than blood magic?_ She wondered, _No I must focus!_ Pushing those thoughts as far as she could from her mind.

The dragon bellowed, its piercing cry made Hawke dizzy.  She barely had enough awareness to avoid the thick tail that was swing deceptively fast at her.   Rolling under the tail a burst of lightning erupted from both her staff and her fingers hitting the creature square on the back side.

 The electric sparks rolled across its skin showering Fenris in sparks.   Ignoring the stinging sparks, he charged straight for the creatures head, evading at last the possible moment by taking a sharp turn to the right.  Leaping ten feet straight up into the air he came down hard on the dragons back.

 The dragon bellowed and thrashed.  As it attempted to dislodge Fenris, Varric started peppering its face with arrows.  Thrashing harder, Fenris lost the grip on his sword and was sent flying into a group of rocks.  He landed hard on his back, the force of the impact knocked the wind from his lungs.

The dreadful sound hurt her eyes and made it hard to think straight.  Her heart sank when she saw Fenris fall and not rise. Using every ounce of willpower, she had she summoned up the very rock itself and sent it flying at the dragon.  A direct hit, connecting with the dragon’s head.  There was a sickening crack of bone. The it turned towards her. Charging a very exhausted Hawke.

Merrill exhausted slit her wrists, using her blood to fuel her magic.  She hit the dragon with a powerful bolt, boring a deep hole in its side.  It allowed Hawke to get out of the dying creatures way.  It stumbled and crashed into the spot where Hawke had been standing.  It gave one last cry then lie still.  

Once the dragon hit the ground she ran to Fenris's side. She checked him for injures, pulling her hand from his back covered in blood.  Rolling him over on his side she pulled out the shard of rock that was lodged in his back.  She flooded him with healing energies.  She nearly cried in relief when he looked at her.

"You gave me quite a scare, you should be more careful."  

He'd seen what the elf witch did.  Growling he pushed Hawke away, forcing his way to his feet without her help.  

"Fenris, wait!  You are still injured."  Hawke called after him.

"You are a blood mage!" he growled.

She looked at him curiously.  "What?" she seemed unconcerned about his aggressive stance.

When she caught up Hawke reached for his shoulder.  He jerked away from her grasp.  Glaring at her.

"Fenris?" she asked looking between them "Please, stop."

"You knew she was a blood mage and still you brought her along?" his tone accusing.

"She hasn't hurt anyone, Fenris..."  Hawke began. 

"She's blood mage!"  he shouted at her "she should be destroyed!"

"No!" Hawke stepped between him and Merrill "I won't let you.  She's my friend. "   

For many tense moments they stood staring.  She refused to break contact with him, showing that she wasn't going to back down.  Despite feeling betrayed, Hawke's bravery garnered respect.   He needed to leave before he did something he would regret.

"Beseve dorus! Vishanti caevas, Malum!" he yelled at her in Arcanum. 

She watched him stomp off and savagely rip his sword out of the Dragon.  She winced when he left her standing there. Everything was so quiet, she needed to go.  She gave Merrill a reassuring pat, to let know that everything was okay between them.   

"Will she be okay?"  Merrill asked Varric.

"I hope so, Daisy, I hope so." He said watching Hawke.

* * *

 

The overexposure to raw lyrium made her sick for days.  It was better than full blown lyrium poisoning. Luckily, she did not have to tell her mother what was causing it, her mother thought it to be the flu or a virus in her stomach and Hawke didn't correct her.  Her mother didn't notice the lyrium burns on her fingers.

"Sweetheart,” she heard her mother calling her.

There was the rustling of blankets when Hawke moved to sit up, her stomach didn't like going from horizontal to vertical.  Leaning over her bed she vomited into the chamber pot.  "Yes mother?" she asked after wiping her mouth.

"One of your...companions is here."

"Who?" she asked, still leaning over the pot.

"It's Anders, Theresa."  She heard him call from behind her mother.

"It's alright mother."

She heard him come in and sit down.  She wasn't watching, but she could hear him emptying the pot and rinsing it out.  She felt his hand on her forehead. It was cool compared her to flushed skin.

"You're burning up." He was concerned Illness could be deadly if not treated.  "Lay back." He said helping her lay on her back, her stomach settled into an uneasy alliance when she was horizontal again. "How does your stomach feel?"

"I'm fine if I'm laying down.  I'll be okay Anders."

"I'll hear none of it.  I am a healer and you will let me look at you." His voice holding a note of finality.

She didn't have the energy to fight him.  Unlike her mother he did not miss the lyrium burns on her hand. Lifting her hand, he inspected the glittering marks.

"You are going to explain these when I get back."  he was frowning.

Rising he went to her door. "Could I get a bowl of hot water?"  he asked, he waited by the door she wasn't sure how long "Thank you.  She'll be fine." He assured her.

"Roll on your stomach." He was using his adult voice, he didn't sound pleased.

Doing as she bad she rolled on her stomach, stopping only once to see if she was going to retch again. He poured the contents of a vial in the water then rested her hand in it. She inhaled sharply when he placed her hand in the water, it was hot and it hurt.

"You have Lyrium poisoning.  How?" he asked leaving no room for her to back out.

"We were fighting a dragon in the Bone Pit.  It was use the lyrium node or die.  I chose to live Anders.  " she told him the truth.

"I am amazed that you aren't dead.  Humans usually don't have a very high tolerance for Lyrium in its raw form."  _I wonder how you are so resistant._ He frowned and sighed. "How do you feel?" he asked again.

"I feel better.  What is in the water?" she asked.

"Something to draw the lyrium out."  He told her removing her hand and laying it beside her "stay in bed and you should be fine tomorrow. Come see me if you are still feeling unwell."

"Thank you, Anders." She gave him a weak smile.

He sighed again.  He couldn't stay angry at her or fault her for doing what she had to do to survive.  He left quietly, what he told her mother she didn't know.

* * *

 

"Hey, you coming to the Hanged Man, Hawke?" Varric asked after they had spoken with Hubert.

"No, you guys go on with me.  I have some business to attend, I'll come when I'm finished. "

She was still pale and her stomach a little wonky but otherwise she felt loads better.  Though her fingers on her right hand were still a little discolored. 

"Good luck Hawke."  Varric bade her.

"Thanks."  She sighed "I'm going to need it." 

The walk through Hightown was pleasant enough, there was a cool breeze coming in from the coast that gave them a brief reprieve from the heat of the Justinian weather.  She didn't know whether it was recovering from being so ill or nervousness that made the walked from the market to Fenris' mansion so long but it felt like she had been walking for hours, she was winded before reaching the stairs. _Being sick must have taken more out of me than I had originally thought._

Stopping to rest again once she got to the top of the stairs she waited until her breathing was back under control before knocking on his door.  She wasn't surprised by the lack of response.  She was certain he was home.  Finding the door unlocked she let herself into the mansion. 

He knew she was here, still he didn't move from his seat in front of the fire.  He wasn't terribly sure what he was more upset about, not being told Merrill was a blood mage or the fact Hawke had defended the witch.   He couldn't blame her for standing up for her friends, but why a blood mage.

He didn't look up when she entered his room or when she sat down arms reach away on the same bench.  She leaned forehead to lean her staff against the wall but otherwise sat in the tense silence with him. She wasn't sure how long they sat in silence, someone had to break the ice.

"I am sorry I didn't tell you about Merrill."  She said first her quiet voice shattering the brittle silence.

He grunted in reply. 

"I didn't know how to tell you.  I don't believe she is a danger, just young."

"You don't believe she is a danger!"  he snapped "She's a blood mage.  They are all dangers!  Every last one of them!"

"What of me then?" she snapped, he was surprised by her tone she'd never once risen her voice to him "I suppose I am dangerous also.  Having spirit essence in me.  Should I be destroyed too?"

Surprised he looked at her.  Her eyes burned.  He noticed how pale she was, the discolored burns on her hand.  He looked away suddenly unable to keep her gaze.

"No."  he replied softly.

"Do you trust me, Fenris?" she asked her tone returning to normal.

"I do."  Still unable to hold her gaze.

"Look at me and say it."

He did as she asked, he looked her in the eyes.  "I trust you." His voice was barely audible.

"Then trust my judgment.  I'm not asking you to like her or even be friends, just trust me."

"Where have you been?" he asked changing the subject, worry starting to come out "It's unlike you to stay away so long."

"I have been sick.  Very, very sick."  She sat rubbing her hand "when the dragon came out I was certain I was dead.  I had no more energy left to fight.  It knocked me into a rack of crates and..."

"I saw the Lyrium node."  Without looking at her he reached over and took her hand "It was reckless, you are lucky to be alive."

"I know. Believe me I know." Lifting his hand to her lips she kissed his hand.


	10. Death is Just the Beginning

_The fade could be both a wonderful and terrible place.  Fulfilled with memories, hopes, dreams, fears and regrets.  Sometimes all at the same time.  More often than not she experienced them all at the same time._

_She was in a house, she wasn't sure where but outside the large fretted window she could see a spanse of endless trees.  A huge deep forest.  It looked like Ferelden. **Could I be home?  Yes this feels right.** _

_Her fingers drummed on her swollen belly.  She could feel the life inside her.  She had always wanted children.  She smiled and gazed down.  It would be soon now and their family would be complete.  It was perfect._

_She smiled at him when he entered.  He smiled broadly upon seeing her.  Setting down his burden he knelt beside her to give both her and her belly a kiss. He smelled like the forest and wood smoke.  She was contented._

**_"I love you."_ ** _He whispered to her " **soon our family will be complete."** He hooked a finger around her chin and gazed into her eyes.  _

_Something wasn't right.  She searched his face, it was wrong.  It was all too perfect.  She pulled away from him, rising from the chair._

**_"What's wrong my love?"_ ** _he asked **"is it the baby?"** It sounded like him but it wasn't.  He walked towards her only to have her back away. _

**_"Love why do you look at me like that?"_ ** _he asked **"everything is as it should be, we are safe and free.  It’s the baby.  Come lie down and I'll make you some tea."** He reached out for her. _

**_"Don't touch me!"_ ** _she cried recoiling from him as if he'd burned her, eyes wide with fear and anger **"Torment me no longer Demon!"**_

**_"What are you talking about?  I am no demon, I am your husband."_ ** _He replied again coming towards her._

**_"No!  This isn't real!”_ ** _she cried._

_When he reached to grab her she hurled a fist of rock at him, it should have connected straight with his chest but passes harmlessly through.  It tore the precious illusion the demon had erected._

**_"You should have taken my hand, mortal."_ ** _It's voice filling her head **"It would have been easier."**_

_A terrible pain wracked her body.  The spasm forced her to knees.  Her belly pitched and bulged as the phantom child was expelled from her body.  The demon watched in amusement as the mortal kneeling before it cried in agony._

_She heard a thud behind her.  She felt the warm blood flow over her legs.  It was horrifying but she knew it wasn't real.  She let her anger give her strength. **"You have desecrated my haven for the last time, Desire!"** _

**_"Oh?"_ ** _it asked **"You cannot even stand."**_

_Much to the demons surprise she was indeed standing.  Her blood sodden dress replaced by her robes that Fenris gave her.  Her face was a careful mask of tightly controlled rage, sorrow and determination.  There was something else.  This shadows skin glittered with the song of the Maker, unshakable faith surrounded it, making the demon quite uneasy.   Looking to the floor she did see the mage weeping on the floor behind her. The demon's eyes went wide with fear.  It recoiled from the shadow self, its aura burning to the touch._

**_You are not welcome here!_ ** _Its voice boomed throughout the small room.  The volume of it forced the demon to cover its ears._

**_You!  You are a shadow!  You cannot hurt me!_ ** _The demon screeched._

**_The Maker does not abandon his children!_ ** _The shadow spoke **In the name of the Maker, On the blood of Andraste, Bride of the Maker.**_

_Its words still held power. **How can you have so much power?** The demon cringed holding his ears against the offensive sound. _

**_I am Faith.  I am Love.  I fill the hollow places you leave behind until there is no room left for your kind. There is no more room here for you._ ** _The shadow looked down on the cowering demon. **You think you are the greatest of the Maker's children.  So much more powerful than the mortal you seek to control.**_

**_You are like me, Shadow.  You possess this mortal just as we do!_ ** _The demon countered, grasping at anything it could to talk its way out of this._

**_You are wrong. I possess nothing.  She is the one that possesses me.  A life I gave freely and with the Maker's blessing. I seek not to control, to bind, to deceive.  I am powered by her love, her faith in the Maker._ ** _The Shadow reached down and grasped the cowered demon by the throat.  Ignoring her screams from its touch burning its flesh. **You are forsaken.  Unworthy of mercy.  You claim I have no power?  Then how is it you are powerless.**_

_Suddenly they were in Minrathis.  In the city square where Andraste was burned.  Only the pillar of flames was devoid of any prophet or people.  It was just her and the demon.  It marched the demon to the flames._

**_What are you doing?_ ** _It screeched, clawing at her arms frantically to escape._

**_Return to the Maker!_ ** _It cried throwing the thrashing demon into the flames._

_Turning around the Shadow Self was standing face to face with her again, nothing surrounding them but endless space._

**_You are free._ ** _The Shadow Self said._

_She reached out and touched her Shadow Self.  The Shadow shattered at her touch, disappearing into the void. **I know.**_

* * *

 

"Theresa!"

She heard Fenris' voice calling.  It was so hard to respond, her body felt heavy.  She heard him call again followed by being shaken.  She woke with a start gasping for air.  Disoriented and frightened, for unknown reasons, she was being held by Fenris.  Her eyes were wide and tears were flowing.

"What happened?" her voice shaking.

He looked equally concerned.  "You started screaming in your sleep.  I couldn't wake you then you just stopped.  Stopped moving, breathing, I thought you had left me." His voice nearly broke with the last part.

"It's okay now."  She said in a calming tone "I'm not going anywhere. It's over now." 

She truly felt it was on so many levels.  Something had happened.  The last of the spirit was gone, it simply was no more.  The demons that plagued her were no more. 

"I am free."  She whispered, the revelation nearly made her faint.

"Free of what?" he asked.

"Fear, hate, regret.  I am simply free." 

He was unsure how to react.  She just started crying.  He was about to say something when she looked up and he saw they were tears of joy.  He knew that everything would be all right.  


	11. A Quiet Summer Night Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations: Valea: Be strong; Inquam amor tu: I love you.

_She was truly alone.  It was strange to be standing here and knowing she was alone and not being afraid.  Closing her eyes, she felt the grass beneath her feet, the feel of breeze on skin like a lovers gentle touch. When was the last time she felt this free?  She felt the Song of the Maker, though she could no longer hear it.  Feeling it was enough._

_Her sanctuary was demon free.  Finally. **Thank you.** She whispered into the wind. _

_Opening her eyes she gazed over the vast landscape that was her mind.  She was on the other side of the monolith.  Just beyond she could see her wasteland.  It didn't sadden her anymore, it simply was.  It was part of her.  She smiled.  It had been so long since her heart felt so free._

_She walked along the banks of a stream as it meandered through the forest.  She could hear birds, insects and other animals just out of sight.  Soon this evolved into a foot path she used to run down as a child.  It led to the clearing where her wolf sat looking up at her with deep green eyes._

_Kneeling down she reached out to rub the wolfs head. The wolf licked her hands and face, rubbing his head against her arms and chest.  She enjoyed the softness of its ears, the clearness of its eyes, it smelled like the forest and smoke.  Standing it barked and ran down the trail.  Reaching the end of the trail it barked again, urging her to follow._

_The scenery changed, becoming darker until she could see nothing but the wolf.  The struggled to keep up against the encroaching darkness.  The dirt beneath her feet was replaced by cold, smooth tiles.  The trees by cold stone walls filled with blood stained tables and immaculate tools.  The scents of the forest replaced by an oppressive heat from too many bodies.  The room was brightly lit.  The scent of intense heavy and perfumed, making it hard to breath._

_She stepped in something wet.  Looking at her feet, she'd stepped in a pool of blood dripping off of a table where a fresh body had been sacrificed to fuel foul magics. From a far off room she heard screaming, agonizing screams.  She heard the wolf howl.  Turning away from the bloody body she followed the wolf down a dark hallway, the screams getting louder.  She recognized the voice._

**_Fenris..._ ** _her pace quickened as she made her way down one dark hallway after another following the wolf. **Just a little longer.**_

_She came to a heavy stone door.  It had no handle.  Running her hands along its edges to find a way to open it.  Another chorus of screams started anew as old ones faded. **How long did this last?** Frantic to find a way in, it was not until the screams died down did the door open. _

_Pushing the heavy door open she ran to the table in the center of the room.  He lay there in the middle of the table, naked, on his side shaking.  His markings flaring and dying down in rapid succession without control.  The pain in this room was oppressive.  She had to get him out of here._

**_Fenris._ ** _She spoke softly.  He stopped shaking for a moment, though with each flare his body moved again of its own volition._

**_W-who?_ ** _He tensed up expecting more pain._

**_Fenris.  It's me love._ ** _Leaning over she kissed his cheek._

**_No,_ ** _he cried balling tighter **it's another trick.  More to torment me with.**_

**_Valea_ ** _, she whispered, **Valea, Ma Aureum.** _

* * *

 

Her words were still lingering in his mind when he woke.  His right arm tingled from lack of blood flow where Hawke was laying still asleep. Shifting her carefully to relieve the pressure on his arm he felt the blood returning in a rush.  He clenched his hand against the uncomfortable sensation of feeling returning to his limb.

He only remembered her words from his dream and nothing else.  _When did she learn Arcanum?_ He wondered.  Maybe it didn't matter.  It was a dream. The more he tried to recall his dream the more it faded.  Perhaps something's were not meant to be remembered.

He knew he was not going to be able to go back to sleep, but he was too content to move.  It was a rare thing for a slave or ex-slave to have the time to reflect on the events in their life.  It was a rare moment indeed to be able to watch her and think about how close they were in such a short period of time.  _Has it really been that long?  Half a year._ It seemed like so much longer.  Such a short period to have your life turned inside out and upside down.  Perhaps it was a mistake allowing her in, but it was a wonderful one.

He looked back on how often she slept here.  Quite often.  _What must the others think?_ He wondered.  It really didn't matter.  He just wished the reason for her staying here wasn't because she was fighting with her brother.  He'd seen one of their vicious fights.  The things they said and the emotion behind it.  It did almost remind him of the war between Tevinter and the Qunari on Seheron.   If words could kill they've have murdered each other several times over.

Whatever the reason he was glad she was here, even if it was extremely awkward for him.  Controlling himself wasn't the problem, he could do that.  It was the fear and apprehension that was awkward.  He had no memories of being with anyone before the ritual and none since then.  He had no idea what to do with a woman or make it enjoyable.  He didn't even know if he could enjoy it.  He thought about the pain Hadriana caused, he hoped it wasn't like that with Hawke. If it ever got the far.

Turning to face her he ran his fingers along the side of her face, pushing her hair back.  Sex wasn't the only way to intimate closeness.  He wasn't even sure if he was ready to open up like that.  But this? This he could do.  He traced his fingers along her jaw, then her lips.  They were so soft. 

She hummed.  Burying her face into his shoulder.  He felt her press her body closer to his.  She wrapped one leg around him.  Smiling he pulled her close enough for him to kiss.

"mmm.  People are trying to sleep."  She gripped "and by people I mean me."  She pulled the covers over her head.  She could hear his laughter under the coverlet.

"I am awake.  I want your attention."

"You want my attention?" she replied, he knew he wasn't going to like this she was planning something. He jerked suddenly when she danced her fingers along his side.

  A startled yelp erupted from his lips, which surprised even him.  He grabbed her wrists at the same time he'd nearly knocked himself off the bed to get out of her reach. Taking advantage of his size and leverage he pushed her on her back and sat on top of her pinning her arms above her head.

She smiled up at him with mischief twinkling in her eyes. Then she was failing to blow an errant lock of hair out of her face.

"I can't help you with that."  He was still trying to get his heart to slow down.

"If you let go I could do it myself." She replied smiling.

"If I let you go you will attack me again."  He countered, brushing the hair from her face.

"Attack?" she repeated with surprise "I didn't attack you."

"Your puppy eyes won't work on me."

"Fine."  Then she pouted.

"But that will." He said unable to resist kissing her.  He still kept her hand pinned above her head showing his flexibility when he leaned in. As soon he started kissing her he forgot about pinning her arms.  His hands moved to beside her, lowering himself on top of her.  She tasted sweet.  He hungered for her.  He wanted to explore other areas, but he kept tight control of his hands.

Her hands went up his arms, over his shoulders and down his back.  With each touch she infused it with a bit a magic causing the lyrium to react.  With each flare he shivered in delight.  When it felt that he could no longer control his passions he stilled her hands.

"Theresa." She could hear the desire in his voice even as he moved to stop her "I can't..."

"There are other things we can do besides that." She whispered in his ear "you just have to trust me.  You will enjoy it. "

Releasing her hands he didn't fight her when she pushed him on his back, but he could not restrain a moan when she straddled him.  He grabbed her hips.  He wanted to know how she felt, but something was holding him back.

"...Hawke..." he said again more urgently, pushing against her.

"Trust me." She whispered again.

Starting at his mouth she left a line of kissed and caresses, all infused with magic, trailing down his jaw.  From his jaw she paid close attention to his throat, leading to his collar bone.  Going lower still she slide from his chest to his stomach.  He felt her breasts brush over him, it was nearly too much. He loosed a growl, which didn't slow her down at all.

When he felt her lips around him it was a flash of white.  Any protests he may have had suddenly fled leaving his mind blank.  Emotions filled it.  Passion and pleasure being the foremost.  He'd never felt anything like this before, not that he could remember. 

When it was over he felt a wash of contentment flood through him.  He was vaguely aware that she had left the room and heard the water pump.  He may have gone to see what she was doing if this wave of euphoria hadn't stolen any desire to move from him.  Before his reeling mind could process what had happened he felt her climb back into bed.  

She kissed him cheek softly.  "Are you all right?"

"...yes." he answered after clearing his throat "better than I have been in years."

Rolling over he pulled her into his arms, wrapping them around her tight.  He rested his forehead between her shoulder blades.  Closing his eyes he thanked the Maker for bringing her into his life.

" _Inquam amor tu._ " He murmured into her back, squeezing her tighter. 

* * *

 

There was no hurry to get out of bed that day.  Neither had anything pressing to take care of.  Instead they opted to enjoy the rare moments they had just to enjoy each other presence.  Free from distractions.  Free from the fighting, whether it be between Hawke and her brother or between Fenris and Anders, or Merrill or Isabela. 

He relaxed around when they were alone, when there were no prying eyes, no one watching.  He supposed she was the same way.  Within the scrutiny of her companions she was strong, cheerful and optimistic.  She never let it show that she was tormented, consumed by guilt and self-doubt and loneliness.  She always felt that she had to be the strong one, everyone always leaned on her and always wanted something.  It was like being constantly prodded with a dull stick or the buzzing of an insect you couldn't see or catch.  When she was Fenris she could let go of the mask she wore all day, it seemed to be the same for him too. 

They had never spoken in depth of each other experiences, only what they saw of each other in Fade and physical scars.  They hadn't needed to, it was enough what they had.  Enough to learn to lean on each other, to find strength in each other weaknesses and faults.  Though what did sadden her is that they lived with the fear that it would taken away, stolen or otherwise destroyed if the outside world saw them.   Seen as a weakness or a betrayal. 

She let her mind wander as they spent the lazy day in each other's arms.  She thought about the events in her life that brought her to this point, the people in her life for good or ill that defined her as a human being.  She found despite all the pain, loss and humiliation she had suffered she was glad of it, for it not for it than she would not be here now listening to this beautiful man's heart.

* * *

 

Reflection was not something that Fenris enjoyed doing most times, for it often brought bitter memories.  Painful memories filled with hate and enslavement. Huge holes in his memory from whatever life he had before being branded, vague memories of the ritual and lots of memories he would like nothing more but forget. 

He almost didn't believe any of this was real.  If it weren't for the physical contact, the pressure of her laying on his chest he'd thought he'd dreamt it all up in some pathetic attempt to give his life meaning. It was real.  Above it all the one who was teaching him how to live again was a mage.  Ironic it was that mages stripped him of his freedom, his will and pride that a mage would be the one to return it.

 She was unlike any mage he'd ever met.  Sure he _had_ met mages that were slaves, people who tried to do good but ended up falling to blood magic under duress.  He was sure all mages would succumb to temptation if the situation was dire enough, but not Hawke.  She'd nearly died and never succumbed to it, lost her sister to an ogre and hadn't fell it to even to save her life, been brutalized by Templar's.  He could not imagine how she resisted, how she even resisted now.   How strong she must be.  He admired her strength in the face of such adversity.  He did not know if he possessed the courage and strength she did. 

He was very glad she was still by his side.  She had no reason to be.  When they first met he treated her with nothing but disgust and suspicion.   He questioned her every move, her motivations, always waiting for the dagger to fly at his back, waiting for her to turn to blood magic.  She'd stood up to him when he threatened Anders and Merrill.  She would defend them and him with her life and already had.  She rescued him from the very hunters he led her into.  Then helped him again even after he'd tricked her into an ambush.  How had she found something to love in all of that?

Whatever she had seen in him he was eternally grateful.  Maybe the Maker was watching after all.  Another point that boggled him was her unshakable faith in the Maker.  So much had happened to her.  They both suffered hard lives and yet where it strained his faith it had only strengthened hers.  He wished he could tell her he loved in her tongue.  He couldn't bring himself to say it.  He was afraid if she knew it'd all end.  He hated his fears, but they didn't bother her.  Amazing.

With his eyes closed he let his guard down.  Arms wrapped around her willingly let her in.  He felt the hum of the lyrium reacting with her magic, her soul.  It was warm, peaceful and loving the opposite of anything he'd expect from a mages touch. 


	12. A Quiet Summer Night Part 2

"Tell me about Seheron." Her quiet voice breaking the relative silence they had going most of the day.

It took him a minute to register that she'd asked him a question.  He had been lost in the song-like hum of the lyrium reacting to her touch.  She was patient though, waiting for him to respond. Opening his eyes slowly he thought about it.

"What do you wish to know?" he asked softly. 

Normally talking about his past was an uncomfortable experience.  He'd never wanted to before.  He'd never had anyone he trusted remotely as much as he trusted her.

"Anything. “ she answered, wrapping her arms more securely around him "Was it a pleasant place?"

He chuckled, she felt the deep rumbling in his chest.  It reminded her of the purring of a cat. 

"It was a pleasant enough place.  A warm place.  It smelled of incense and spices.  It was a beautiful place.  I loved the storms that would roll it off the warm coastal waters. “he was quiet for a time "Seheron was also where I gained my freedom from my former master." 

"No wonder it's a special place." 

Tilting her head up she kissing the underside of his chin.  It was a reassuring thing and it gave him endless comfort. _How does she do that?_

"How do you do that?" he asked, emotion threatening to tear his voice.

"Do what?"

"I do not know how to explain it well.  I feel what you express when you touch me, “ he stopped looking for the words "not just physically but spiritually and mentally.  "

"I don't know."  She thought about it and the bond they had, she wondered herself how that happened "I believe it has to do with the bond we share.  Maker knows how it happened, I certainly don't, but I glad of it.  None know so completely about each other as we do. "

He fell silent.  Thinking about her answer.  He could not fault her logic.  He was grateful none the less.

"I am grateful the Maker brought me to you."

Tilting her head up he kissed her, he poured every ounce of tenderness, love and appreciation he could into it.  He didn't know he was still capable of feeling such things until she came into his life.

"What was that for?" her voice barely above a whisper when he finally pulled away.

"For you."  He tugged her.  Releasing a long breath, he thought again about what she'd asked him, he wasn't ready to recount that tale. "Do you miss Ferelden?" he asked her changing the subject.

"Sometimes."  If she noticed he'd not answered her question she didn't pursue it "I was born in Lothering.  Ferelden will always be my home.  "

"Do you not wish to return?"

"Someday, perhaps.  My life is here now.  My mother and my brother are here.  Then there's you." She planted another kiss on the side of his neck.

"How do you start over?" he asked "I don't even how where to begin.  Settling down roots, becoming attached.  The more I settle here, the more I fear it will be stripped from me. "

"Starting over is always hard, Fenris." 

She gave him a reassuring squeeze.  It was calming.  It was like she was protecting him from falling apart at the seams.   She was quiet for a sometime before speaking again.

"Becoming attached is always scary," she gave a huffing laugh "terrifying really."

"The amazing Theresa Hawke terrified of something?" he said both surprised and teasingly.

"When you love someone, there is always the fear of losing them, especially when you are an apostate refugee or an ex-slave.  Fear your old life will rear its ugly head and tear down everything you have built. “laying her head back on his chest she listened to his heartbeat "it would be too easy to run away, to hide and shut out the world.  To withdraw to protect yourself from being hurt.  Turning one’s heart to stone.  No one wants to live that way, they do because they believe they have no other choice.  Because they are afraid of the things they love being taken away from them.  "

"How do you find the strength?" He honestly wanted to know.

He was bearing his heart to her, trusting her beyond words.  She could feel his fears.  They drove him to do extreme things.  She could feel the foundations of his life shifting.  She'd been there before it was not a pleasant or easy place to be.

"For me I trust in the Maker.  It may not seem like he watches over his children, but he does.  Every torment, every hurt feeling, every pain, every joy, I endured brought me here. There were times I questioned my faith.  I wondered why I had to endure so much.  I used to get so angry that my prayers would do unanswered.  Screaming at the sky and pounding my fists into the earth with only silence as my answer.  Even the Blight had a purpose, it's path brought me to Kirkwall, to you." 

Emotions flooded through her, she didn't even try to fight it.  She let the tears fall freely, they were a mixture of sorrow, joy and utterly bittersweet.  He laced the fingers of his right hand with hers.  He was quiet, he couldn't say the same for his life. 

"Why must suffering be necessary?" his voice was tight with emotion "Why did I have to endure all that?"

Propping herself up she looked into his face.  She was smiling softly. He was afraid he would see pity, but none existed.  It was understanding. _You truly do understand._

"Slavery was a necessary path.  It defines you, but it does not have to consume you."  Rubbing his cheek with her thumb, her fingers disappearing into his hair "We all can cast off the chains of our pasts and start anew.  Slavery was harsh, tormenting and wrong.  It should not have been allowed to happen but it did. “ she moved to look him in the eyes when he looked away from her "You would not be who are you if you had not been a slave.  For that I am eternally grateful.  Because if you had been a slave, you would not have sought to be free and thus would not have met me." 

He laid there in stunned silence.  He could not deny her words, no matter how much he wanted to scream that it wasn't necessary. He could not express into words what he was feeling and grateful that she did not ask. He barely knew how to respond beyond letting her kiss him on the face before laying back down.  No more words were spoken that night.  Even the night-time sounds of the city seemed muted in respect for their ears.  His room had turned into a sanctuary for them both, protecting them from the outside, a much-needed reprieve from all the demands.  

Wounds lay open and raw, but it wasn't a bad kind of raw.  It was the cutting away of dead flesh before the whole could heal.


	13. A Burden of Charity: Saarebas

_Together they cuddled in the Fade.  Even apart they were together.  He sat with his back against a large tree, its branches opening over head like an umbrella casting a cooling shade over them.  She was curled up leaning against him, her head resting on his shoulder._

_While she dozed on the warm summer afternoon he gazed up at the sky.  Playing with her hair and watching the clouds float by.  They were high on a hill and he could see the landscape of her mind splayed out before them. Everything was beautiful and green except what was beyond a huge brown and yellow monolith, everything beyond that was a drab brownish yellow landscape._

**_...Theresa?_ **

_It took her a moment of respond.  His voice rousing her from dozing. **Yes?**_

**_What lies beyond that hill?  It's barren._ **

**_Physical scars run into the Fade, Fenris.  That is what was taken away from me.  Like the Blight it cannot support life, only shadows._ **

**_I hear wailing._ ** _He frowned, **it sounds like an infant.**_

**_Pay it no mind.  It is only a shadow.  A desire that can never be fulfilled._ **

_The wailing faded away.  The rustling of the leaves in the wind replaced the stillness left in its wake.  He asked no more questions._

* * *

 

Walking into the building Sister Petrice had marked as her safe house she ran into an Templar very ready to attack.  She stopped abruptly, alarm increasing her heart rate tenfold.   Edgy Templar's made her nervous.  She had no desire to feel the bite of another Templar blade. 

Within moments Fenris was by her side already reaching for his massive two-handed weapon.  Having him beside her eased the nervousness she felt being so close to another Templar.

"I am expected."  She stated forcing tight control over her emotions.

The Templar looked by at Sister Petrice.  She waved him down.  He sheathed his sword but did not relax from an aggressive stance. It made her uneasy.  Luckily Fenris kept himself between her and the Templar.

"Thank you for coming. This matter is delicate, and I need someone of..." she paused "limited notoriety who will link this back to me. "

Theresa watched her move about the room.  Something about this didn't sit well with her, but she ignored it.  The Chantry had never led her astray before.

"It is an escort, but I think the nature of the party makes this...unique. "

"I want nothing more to do with illegal activities, Sister."  Theresa told her "I have enough trouble here in Lowtown."

"I should think you are about to have more.  I am Sister Petrice.  This is my burden of charity."  Sister Petrice gestured towards the back room.

Theresa's eyes went wide when the bound creature stepped out.  It was a giant compared to her and Qunari, but unlike any Qunari she'd ever seen.  Its larger horns sawn off and a mask bound about its face and lips sown shut.  It was yoked and chained.  It terrified her.  Unconsciously she shrank back from the monstrous man. 

Carver watched out of the corner of his eye.  He scowled harder seeing her shrink away from the ox-man.  Scowled even more so when he saw the elf lean into her, he didn't like the surly elf with his sister at all. 

"A saarebas?"  Fenris asked his tone surprised "Here?"

"Would even a Templar bind a mage like this?" Sister Petrice asked looking at Saarebas.  It all made her very uncomfortable, she knew a few Templar's that would. "A survivor of infighting between Tal'Vashoth outcasts.  I call him "Katojan", a bridge between worlds. This Viscount, and others believe, that peace begins with appeasement.  This mage would most likely be returned to his brutal kin. “ she turned and looked at Theresa "He can service a better purpose.  I want him free. He must be guided from the city without alerting his kin, or being seen in my care."

"I have spoken with the Arishok."  Theresa said looking from Katojan to Sister Petrice "He would want to be alerted of this."

"You...have dealt with their leader?"  she asked, Theresa could hear the surprise in her voice, but she did not miss a beat "If you have interacted with the Qunari before then you know how they treat those who leave their heathen order.  The Arishok would doom this poor creature. But knowing them is useful.  If they challenged you, attacking an ally would only prove their barbarism.  You are still fit for the job."

"Where did you even find him?" she asked still quite uneasy about the creature.

"For all their blasphemous certainty, they do have deserters.  Those who leave are hunted mercilessly." She answered.

"The Tal'Vashoth?" she asked "Those are the deserters?"

"Even their rebels conform.  Ser Varnell witnessed one of their bloody struggles.  This mage was the only survivor. " She explained patiently.

"If he is being hunted, how do I get him out of Kirkwall.  “ she looked at him "He's going to stand out on the streets."

"Better out there then with the Templar."  Carver said to her.  She frowned, wishing he'd stayed quiet.

"That is not an option. You must avoid incident with the guards-I cannot be linked to this." Sister Petrice said with fervency. "This mage will be proof how cruel the Qunari are to their own.  But only if this plays out just so. "

Theresa didn't like this, but she couldn't turn her back on a mage in distress either.  "What is your plan?"

"The passage in the back leads to the warrens of the undercity.  It is dangerous, but that is why you were hired.  Good Luck."

Looking from the sister to the Qunari she sighed.  _I hope I know what I am doing._ "Katojan is it?"

The Qunari's response was a low growl.  It reminded her of rocks falling down a hill.

"The eyes of a slave."  Fenris said touching her elbow "Does he want freedom or a master?" he asked squeezing her elbow to let her know it was time to go.

* * *

 

She had never been so happy to see daylight as she was when they exited the caverns from the undercity.  They were blasted with briny winds from the Wounded Coast.  She was happy this was almost over.  But her joy was short lived.  Below them was a unit of Qunari camped below them.

"You will hold, basra vasheden."  She could hear the disgust in his voice "I am Arvaarad, and I claim possession of Saarebas at your heel." She was a little surprised by the forcefulness of the Qunari, she did get used to it.  Fenris tensed to behind, he understood what was said and wasn't pleased about it. "The members of his Karataam were killed by Tal'Vashoth.  But their disposal leads here, to Saarebas and you."

"How can they be?  We just got here from the other way.  I could not have killed his Karataam."  She did not like this one's tone.

"Yet you are here with Saarebas.  His crime freedom, his leash held by unknowing basra. We will not allow this to continue.  Let your own mages doom you- Saarebas will be properly confined. " the Arvaarad demanded.

"If that is his choice."  She responded, unwilling to let a mage be taken against its will no matter their race.  Fenris was against surprised at her courage.

"Saarebas!"  the Arvaarad shouted "Show your will is still bound to the Qun!"

She watched the Qunari mage bow before the Arvaarad growling complacently.

"He had followed you only because he wants to be led.  He is allowed no other purpose." 

She could not deny what she saw.  Though it saddened her, it was no longer her concern.  "If his wish is to return you I will not stop him.  I was only to guide him from the city."

That surprised the Arvaarad "you show an unexpected ability to reason, basra."  The large Qunari turned from her to Saarebas "Saarebas! Nahraa aqun kata Arvaarad!"

She watched in silence, not wanting to interrupt.  Fenris moved to her side and slightly ahead of her, so he could easily defend her if they were attacked.  He seemed as uneasy as she was.

Saarebas growled in reply. 

"You are certain?"  the Arvaarad asked.

Again, a growl in response.

"Then we will do it here."  The Arvaarad said with finality.

  He pulled a carved rod off his belt.  A bolt hit Saarebas, a bright blue flash momentarily obscured him.  When the flash faded the Saarebas had turned to address Hawke.

"Basvaarad, you led well.  I thank your intent. Panahedan, as you find the Qun."  His voice hoarse from lack of use.  It touched her.

Turning from her Saarebas knelt before the Arvaarad, waiting his fate demanded by the Qun.

"You should be honored by this action, Basra, it is his last."

She watched the Arvaarad end his life quickly.  She felt a sting in her heart watching the mage die.  It was his choice and she could not fault him for wanting to die with honor rather than live honorless.

"I knew it.  You can't trust a zealot!"  Varric cried after the Saarebas had been killed, he hadn't been happy about this since the beginning.

"It was his choice, Varric.  I admire is courage."  She said quietly before being interrupted by the Arvaarad.

"He lost his lead-the risk of corruption was certain. But he has owned his death by honoring you.  He knows the Qun once more." He looked up at her "as will you."

"What?"  she was alarmed "you have your mage, why must you attack me?"  She moved back from the Qunari, moving behind Fenris.

"An uncollared Saarebas spoke to you.  There is no way of knowing what demon’s road his words. Killing you is demanded. But the respect of Saarebas as granted honor.  Be grateful. Not all necks earned the ceremonial cut."

One of the Qunari threw a javelin at her, she was to stunned by the sudden attack to move.  Then she heard the javelin clatter to either side of her cut cleanly in half. 

"Get behind me!" Fenris shouted pushing her back. 

Regaining her wits, she moved back with her hound, a little behind Varric.  Carver and Fenris charged forward into the large group of Qunari.  Finding a good spot where her magic would not hurt her brother or Fenris she began to cast.

"Maker grant me your strength, crush my foes with your might!"  lifting her arm straight up into the air she made a fist and brought it down quickly by her side.  The center of the group suddenly were slammed into the ground by some unknown force, stunning many of the warriors.

Fenris bellowed.  He squared off with the Arvaarad.  He dared threaten _his_ mage.  " _VISHANTI CAEVAS, ARVAARAD!_ " the sheer volume and strength coming from him gave the large Qunari pause for just a moment and Fenris was on him. 

The others gave the two warriors a wide berth.  Varric and Carver were able to handle the other Qunari.  This allowed Fenris to focus on the Arvaarad.  Both skilled warriors they danced around each other for some time.  Each swing, near miss was torture on her. 

She heard a swing connect with Fenris.  She felt it too.  She cried out, looking on the grizzly scene.  He'd been knocked back, crouched holding his blade in one hand defensively while the other was wrapped around his side. The Arvaarad mercilessly stalked towards him. 

"No!"  she growled, burying her fear she run forward, slamming her staff into the ground.  At the same moment a bolt of lightning struck the Arvaarad.

She heard both Carver and Fenris's voice at the same time. "Sister!" and "Hawke!" calling for her to stop. She wasn't about to let this beast of a man take the one thing she cared about more than herself in this world. 

The Arvaarad, stunned by the attack turned to face her.  The air popped and cracked about him, residual effects of the lightning strike.   Having forgotten about the downed elf he charged at Hawke.

"Hawke!"  Fenris screamed, he tried to stand to intercept the Qunari but his wounds were too great for him to stand let alone run.  He watched helplessly as the massive ox-man charged her.

Swiftrunner lunged at the Qunari from the side, interrupting his strike when he turned to throw the hound off.  This gave her precious time to ready her next attack.  Swiftrunner landed lightly on his feet squaring off with the massive Qunari.

"Void take you!"  she screamed. 

Casting her staff aside she opened her arms wide and a whitish void opened up around the Arvaarad immobilizing him.  Mimicking the gestures when she had killed the dragon the talons dug deeply into the Arvaarad's flesh.  Bellowing loudly, he fought the inescapable grip of the prison.  Pulling her arms apart the Arvaarad was torn asunder right before their eyes. 

Carver's eyes went wide.  He'd never seen her command such power before or charge into combat.  She actually charged a Qunari to save the elf. _Why couldn't you have shown such courage to the Ogre, maybe Bethany would still be alive._ He thought bitterly.

"Damn Hawke."  Varric said with surprise.

Running past the gore, most of the blood covering her was from the Arvaarad, she stooped at Fenris's side. He was bleeding badly from the Arvaarad's swing.  She immediately started to remove his chest plate.

"Hawke."

"Not now Fenris, you are hurt badly."  She cut him off not slowing down.

Discarding the damaged chest plate, she ripped his tunic open, not bothering with the ties. Surprising strength from a mage. Pushing the blood-soaked fabric and padding aside she looked at him. 

"This is going to hurt."  She warned him.

Rolling up her sleeve she forced her hand through the wound to reset the broken ribs.  It was the most pain he'd been in since the ritual that stole his memory.  He released sound somewhere between a scream and a growl.  He passed from the pain, stilling as she set the bones pressing against his innards. Removing her hand carefully she began casting a healing spell.

"Light of the Maker, led me your strength to mend the flesh of your child. “she spoke softly, a whisper but it was enough.

Blue light surrounded her beginning at her hands.  It traveled up her arms to her chest then back down into him.  Color returned to his face and the wound began kitting itself closed. 

* * *

 

The pain was intense.  Then it was black.  He wasn't sure if he was still alive or not.  Maybe it was finally over.  He felt a wash of warmth.  It filled him completely knitting flesh and restoring lost blood.

 _What was I doing?_ He thought, _Wait...I remember.  I was fighting the Arvaarad..._

He woke up with a start, remembering her charging the Qunari.  "Hawke!"  he called sitting straight up in bed.

She ran in from the other room, her sleeves rolled up and her arms dripping water. "What is it?" she asked "Are you all right?"

He thought his heart was going leap out of his chest when she saw her safe.  Forgetting about how he got home or the ache in his side he leapt from bed and embraced her in a tight hug.  Caught off guard she stood there before returning the hug. 

"You are safe." 

"Of course, I'm safe, so are you.  You are home. " she answered.

"Thank the Maker!"  kissing her "I thought I told you not to run off like that?" he was trying to scold her but the relief in his voice made it difficult for her to take his scolding seriously.

"If I hadn't then he would have killed you.  I could no more let that happen then you could let him kill me. “ she would have reached up and touched him if her hands weren't covered in soap and water "Swiftrunner was with me.  He's a capable war hound. "

"Why are you wet?" he asked finally noticing her arms were wet.

"I was washing your tunic.  I still have to fix it.  I tore it, but it's an easy fix.  I'll be done in a few minutes.  Go eat.  I'll be right back." Pushing him towards the fire she went to finish her task.


	14. Journey of Discovery Part 1

_It was dark.  So dark that not even she could see the fingers touching her face. **Where has all the light gone?** She wondered. _

_She heard weeping. **Who is that?** She asked listening closer, **Oh.  That's me...** her thoughts trailed off into the darkness.  _

_She'd stepped into the darkest parts of her memory.  She floated watching, disembodied from the scene.  It made it seem so surreal, like it happened to another person only she knew these were hers and they happened to her._

_She smiled fondly at the look of joy on both hers and the young Templar's face. **Justin, are you sure you are willing to leave the Order for me?**_

_He smiled at her.  He was beside himself with joy. **I am.  Nothing would please me more than to marry you and raise this child as my own.  I love you Theresa.**   He kissed her._

_She wished that this memory wasn't tainted by the fact she now knew and could see the Templar spying on them.  He was a vicious man that one.  Tortured mages, often violating them, especially if female, before killing them._

_She turned away as the world around her grew dark and she heard weeping again. But no amount of closing her eyes would change the memories._

**_NO!  Please stop..._ ** _tears slipped unbidden down her cheeks.  Slowly opening her eyes she saw the Templar standing above her.  Two others their faces shadowed holding her down.  He pulled his sword from the flames and slowly ran it through her belly. She'd never heard such terrible screams._

**_All mages should be sterilized._ ** _He whispered vicious ripping the blade out._

_Turning to the door at the very moment Justin burst through the door.  He was half dressed having been woken by her screams. The look of horror and rage on his face was very clear._

**_What have you done?_ ** _He looked from the Templar to her and back **She was with child!**_

**_I know._ ** _His face twisted in glee, **The Maker shall see the good deed I have done today in ridding the world of another mage.**_

_It was sad because he honestly believed that.  She felt sorry for the Templar now.  But then she was frightened and angry.  Magic words flew unbidden from her lips and the offending Templar burst into flames.  The two holding her down dropped her to flee, but Justin killed them with the burning Templar's sword.  He made no move to help the burning Templar.  Scooping her up he ran her to the Chantry to receive healing._

* * *

 

"Did you want to talk about what happened?" Anders asked when they made camp that first night after leaving Kirkwall.

"What is there to say?"  she asked "I told my brother I wasn't taking him.  I made a decision, we fought, he left and Mother was happy he wasn't going. "

"You just look distressed.  In fact you've looked that way ever since we met up with Varric to leave this morning." 

She stared at the fire.  Her mind wandered back to her dream the previous night. It was distressing and she'd not done a good enough job hiding it.

"I did not sleep well.  My sleep was plagued by unpleasant memories.  One's I wish to forget."  She looked up from the fire before answering "I ask you not to ask me to elaborate because I do not wish to."

He nodded.  He understood bad dreams and wanting to forget them, being a Warden. 

It was quiet and peaceful until they heard Bartrand arguing with Varric about something.  Then the tension rose quickly again when Fenris returned from setting up their tent.  Anders face was then set into a deep scowl.  He was _not_ pleased about them sharing a tent when he had to share one with Varric.

He looked at her.  He could see it too, more than anything he could feel it.  Kneeling he pushed a bowl into her hands.

"You need to eat something." He told her.

She smiled faintly at him.  "Thank you."  She thanked him and took it even though she wasn't hungry, she tried to eat some of it anyway.

Seeing her smile at Fenris really ruffled Anders feathers.  He hated the elf more and more.  Not only because of his view on mages but because he had something he wanted.  _Why him?_ He grumbled as he thought about it. _Why can't you smile at me like that?_

"I'm going to bed."  Anders huffed, getting up.

"Good night, Anders." He heard her but he was too grumpy to do anything else besides raise his hand.

She had turned back to the fire.  Every once and a while she took a sip of the soup Fenris had brought her. Reaching over he tucked an errant lock of hair behind her ear, his fingers purposefully sliding along her forehead.  A simple gesture to let her know he was here.  It garnered him a smile, which made him feel better. 

It wasn't long after that Varric showed up in good spirits still.  Apparently his argument with his brother hadn't dampened his mood.

"Good evening, Hawke.  Elf. “ he looked around "Hey where's Blondie?"

"He went to bed."  Theresa told him.

"Ah.  That's sounds like a plan.  I think I may too.  Bartrand wants us up and ready to go bright and early,” he said sarcastically "so you two better get some rest too."

"Good night Varric." She called.

He watched her for a moment.  "Night Hawke."

When they were alone again.  Well mostly alone.  A very sullen Anders could still see them from the tent he shared with Varric and the hired hands were also watching the strange pair, whispering amongst themselves about them.

She set the mostly empty bowl on the ground beside her.  By now the fire was burning low.   Red and orange stripes and patches appearing and disappearing over the black coals, it was mesmerizing.  She felt Fenris's hand on her shoulder.

"We should go to bed." He urged her to stand.

She took a deep breath.  "I know."

She followed him back to their tent, which was larger than the others enough room for them both and their gear.   Fenris had suggested they buy it before they left.  It had been a good idea she was thankful for the privacy from the others.

He watched her quietly while she began to get ready for bed.  He turned around to give her some privacy when she went to change her clothes.  Taking the time he also changed into a light pair of linen pants.  It was halfway through Justinian and very warm even at night.  He reminded him of Seheron.

She cuddled up next to him, laying her head on his shoulder. He had one hand behind his head and the other around her. 

"What did you dream about?" he asked, he figured it had been a dream that had her so distressed.

"I dreamt about a memory."  Theresa wouldn't keep it from him, she took a deep breath then let it out slowly "When I was Carver's age I met a Templar.  His name was Justin.  He was a wonderful and kind man.  Very different from the other Templar's of the Order.  “ she said chuckling softly "He could not handle drinking Lyrium, it made him very sick.  The Order still took him but they had no control over him since he was not addicted to Lyrium.  You could imagine their endless frustration. "

"Why was he so frustrating?" he asked. 

"He was always questioning.  The rules, the Chant, everything.  He was a man of deep faith but he was always questioning.  He wanted to know _why_ they believed what they did.  What their journey had been to reach such faith." She paused smiling softly "The short story is that we fell in love.  We were lovers and when I became with child he was going to leave the Order to marry me."

She felt him tense for a moment then relax. 

"Unfortunately another Templar had overheard us talking.  He was a vicious and cruel man.  Him and two others took me to a smithy.  They pinned me down and he stabbed me with his heated sword. “she felt him tense again, reaching up she grasped his hand "Justin heard me screaming and tried to reach me in time.  He wasn't able to stop them but he did save my life and took the blame for the Templar deaths.  He always blamed himself for what happened to me.  Unable to bare the shame he transferred somewhere else. "

"He stayed with the Order?" Fenris asked.

"He did then.  I do not know what happened to him after that.  I don't even know if he survived the Blight.  I hope so.  He was a good man." She sighed "I tried telling him it wasn't his fault. I was still willing to marry him but he said he was unworthy, he'd failed to protect me.  He couldn't bear to look at me. He left while I was still recovering. Bethany was the one that told me he'd gone."

He squeezed her.  Part of him was worried that she would leave him to run to this man if he ever resurfaced in her life, but he knew that wouldn't happen.  He knew that even if he did she wanted a life with him even if he wasn't sure he was ready for one yet.  He lay awake a long time after she'd fallen asleep thinking about it.

* * *

 

They both had woken early.  Mainly because she’d starting crying in her sleep again, luckily this time Fenris was able to wake her.  They had spent a couple of hours laying in silence dozing, until the morning birds started.  Rising before the hired hands or before Bartrand could start yelling Fenris walked her down to the stream they've camped near.  There were no words spoken between them, it was a comfortable silence.

 He leaned Lethendralis against a nearby tree.  He found a bow in the stream where it was deep enough to bath in and the current was weak.  Stripping down he stepped in first and helped her in.  The water was cool but not overly cold, it felt nice. 

He kept in contact with her.  Reassuring and comforting touches.  He washed her hair and was otherwise very sweet.  It made her love him more and it made her feel much better.  When they both had finished he stepped out first then helped her out. 

* * *

 

Approaching the cook-fire they saw the camp stirring.  Bodhan was awake along with Sandal, busy cooking breakfast.  Some of the hired hands were stirring and then there was Bartrands wakeup call and the groans of those wishing to sleep longer.

"Morning Messeres."  Bodhan greeted them warmly handing them both bowls, though Fenris's was larger. "Fresh out of the pot."

"Thank you Bodhan."  She thanked him with a smile. 

When they turned to leave Fenris could barely suppress his smile when a bed ragged mage stood scowling.  Anders noticed how they walked very close to each other, both had damp hair.  Anders nearly growled out loud when Fenris put his arm around her, his fingers slowly enfolding her shoulder when they walked by. 

Varric was already up and sitting by their personal camp when they arrived.  He looked thoroughly sullen and unhappy be up this early.  "How can you two look so damned cheerful this blasted early in the morning?" he asked when they sat down.

"I was a slave, I am accused to getting little sleep."  Fenris answered without his normal grouchiness.

"I am used to getting up early.  I like the mornings, before the city wakes up."  Theresa said taking a bite of her porridge.

"It should be a sin to be up this early." Varric decided.

"I agree."  She heard Anders say, rather sullenly, handing Varric a cup. "best I could get from Bodhan."

Varric grunted and took the cup grumbling.

Theresa couldn't help but giggle.  Fenris took it as a good sign given the morning she'd had already.

* * *

 

The camp was packed up and on the road by mid-morning, though Bartrand still groused about how they'd lost time. Nothing ever made that man happy unless it was money.

"Why does she have to be so damned happy with that Elf."  Anders growled watching them walking around them "What does she see in him anyhow?" he asked Varric.

Varric shrugged "Perhaps it's his broody exterior.  Or his mage-hating ways.  Or the fact he doesn't hate the Chantry? Nine hells, Blondie, I don't know. “ he stopped for a moment "that would make a great story!"

Anders groaned and rolled his eyes.  All the dwarf did was make up stories.  Sighing he crawled into the back of one of wagons and sulked.

Ahead of them Fenris and Theresa walked easily beside Bodhan's wagon.  Her staff made a light rhythmic tapping sound every other step.  He walked just ahead of her, placing her between himself and the wagon.  A habit formed when escorting Denarius around.  Not all his skills learned from that man were for naught. He could use them to protect and please her. 

The day was quiet.  No bandits or highwaymen.  Not many travelers of any kind.  Not surprising given the heat.  Fenris didn't mind the heat, he was a bit worried for Theresa.  To his surprise she adapted to the heat just fine, which was not the case for their other companions.  Varric and Anders both complained about the heat, being in the sun and ended up in one of the wagon playing diamond back for one reason or another.

They found a clearing to set camp in the early evening.  Not that Bartrand wanted to stop but one of the oxen picked up a rock and needed to rest or go lame. So begrudgingly he stopped a few hours early.  

* * *

 

"See it's straight up."  She pointed "I can't reach it."

Fenris looked up into the tree, his elven eyes could still see clearly in the fading light.  "Hand me your shears."

Sliding the shears into his belt he crouched down.  He leapt easily the seven feet to the nearest branch, pulling himself smoothly up into the tree. She watched him nearly as intently as what he was doing. He was very athletic, she wondered what Denarius had him doing all the time.  Snipping the flower near the base he jumped out landing neatly in almost the same spot he'd started.

"A flower for you." He presented her the Embrium and shears.

Her fingers wrapped around his before taking it.  "Thank you."

"What is it for?" he asked her, looking around at their surroundings out of habit.

"It helps with breathing.  Since we are going underground we will probably need anything to help with breathing.  I gathered some more earlier, I should have enough in case anything happens. “ Theresa explained tucking the flower away in a rigid pouch that she kept for the purpose of carrying various flowers.

Before she could move away he pulled her closer to him.  He pointed to the sky and the setting sun.  "This will be the last time we will see the sun set for a while.  I want to enjoy it with you."

* * *

 

Anders had been given the task of going to inform them it was time for dinner.  Irritated beyond measure he trounced through the grassy fields and up the hill where they had gone.  He stopped dead in his tracks when he caught sight of them in a tender embrace.

"Theresa!"  he called, "Theresa!"

Fenris groaned and nearly growled when he heard the mages voice calling her name.  He'd interrupted an intimate moment and just as they were going to enjoy a kiss his calling pulled her away from him. 

"What is it, Anders?" she asked stepping away from Fenris.

"Bodhan sent me out to retrieve you for dinner." 

Both Theresa and Fenris noticed how he left Fenris out. She heard him growl.  "You are too familiar with her, _mage._ " He growled before she could say anything.

"Shouldn't you be off howling at the moon, _mongrel_ ” _Anders_ retorted he turned to Theresa "I don't know what you see in this...this _animal_.  You deserve someone more open-minded."

"You think yourself more open minded then?  An abomination that is what she needs."  Fenris growled before she could speak, it was like opening a flood gate.

"At least I would appreciate her for being a mage and not wishing she wasn't!"

Anders stood ready to defend himself when Fenris lunged at him. 

"ENOUGH!" she yelled.

Fenris found her staff across his chest stopping him.  Against her strength surprised him.  The force of the blow knocked him back a step, thought it was only meant to stop him not to harm him.  Anders immediately knew he'd gone too far, but he wasn't going to apologize.

"You."  She pointed at Anders, her voice cracking from yelling "You need to go back to camp, now.  I will be there shortly."  Her breathing was tightly controlled, he could see the anger in her eyes.

   _How can she defend him?_ He asked himself when he turned on his heel and returned to camp.

It wasn't until he was out of sight that she lowered her staff.  He wasn't surprised Anders had gone there, but surprised that he said it out loud to Hawke. He'd never seen her truly angry before.  She'd actually bruised his chest with her staff.

"Theresa I..." he started.

"I know you don't."  she said turning around she took a deep breath "Did I hurt you?"

"Just a bruise.  I-I am sorry I did not control myself better."  He finished before she could stop him with her understanding none-sense.

"I don't blame you."  Stepping back to him she laid her hand over his chest and healed the bruise "He goaded you and said some very heartless things.  But I really need you two for this, so please Fenris just let it go."

He let out a long breath.  He knew she was right.  "I will make sure all of us come out of this alive." He kissed her on the forehead.   It was going to be a very long expedition.  


	15. Journey of Discovery: Part 2

Fenris waited for Theresa to lay down for the night before he stalked up to the mage.  He could feel the other mans tension when he stopped next to him.

"We need to talk." Fenris' voice held an edge but otherwise there was no aggression.

"Hmph."  Anders grumbled but the elf had already moved on, walking outside earshot of the others. Grumbling he rose and followed the elf out half expecting the man to attack him.

It was dark and he couldn't see very well, not like the elf.  He could see the elf's markings glowing faintly like a guiding lantern.  He had to admit they were kind of pretty, but they also made him look rather ominous.

Anders stopped a few feet away from the elf, ready to defend himself from an inevitable attack or so he thought.  But no such attack came, Fenris wasn't even carrying his sword it was stuck in the ground in front of him. 

"So, I am here.  What do we _need_ to talk about?" he asked stressing the word need.

Fenris ignored the other mans tone.  _I am doing this for Hawke.  Being the bigger man._   He looked at him from the corner of his eye.  _Maker help me, this man pisses me off._

"Hawke." Came his short reply.

"What about, Theresa?"  he asked, using her first name of purpose. 

Fenris' head turned slightly.  Anders could barely see the glint of his eye in the dim illumination of this markings.  He thought him not using her first name outside of his or her home was an act of mistrust or disrespect. He did not understand.  Her name, it was something he said to her alone.  Not for the ears of others the things he said to her when he used her name.  He swallowed the biting retort.

"This...rivalry between us.  It's hurting Hawke.  Making an all ready tense situation for her harder.  She doesn't need more stress."   He said not having turned to face the man, he was instead turned and looking over the foot hills of the mountains.

 _It wouldn't be so bad if you weren't in the picture.  I could make her happy._ Anders thought.  "At least on this we can agree."  He said instead, trying to be diplomatic. _Maybe you should sleep elsewhere and let Hawke have the tent.  Maybe she would come to her senses._

"Good.  This ends now. This will be settled once we are done with the Deep Roads."  Fenris tore his sword from the earth.

Anders didn't expect Fenris to be capable of being civil.  He hadn't risen his voice or threatened the man.  His face was flat when he walked by heading for the tent he shared with Hawke. 

* * *

 

Unable to sleep Anders stayed up with the fire.  It was warm enough that he didn't need his coat, it lay draped over the log next to him.  He heard a sound.  Listening harder.  It sounded like someone was crying, sobbing.  Rising he followed the sound towards Hawke's tent. 

 _What did that bastard do to make her cry?_ He wonders angrily planning to barge in and demand it.

Stopping short when he heard Fenris talking softly.  "Theresa.  Theresa please wake up." He heard something rustling like shaking. " _Venhedis_!" he heard him swear softly.

Crouching next to the tent.  He felt bad for eavesdropping but he was curious and the elf was too preoccupied to notice him.  He could see his marking glowing faintly outlining his movements.  He saw him shake her again. 

"Theresa."  Anders was surprised to hear concern in his voice.  He was about to leave when he heard her start awake.

"Fenris?  What is it?" she asked he heard sit up she sounded confused, he heard more rustling "Was I?"

" _Ma aureum_. “he heard him move to hug her " It will okay, you don't have to tell me."

Anders heard them lay down again.  All he heard after that was whispering, but he'd over heard enough. Standing quietly, he left and went back to the fire.  He still didn't like the man.

* * *

 

Theresa noticed how they were not arguing, nor fighting, no vile glares and they were even working together without complaints.  She _knew_ that they hadn't had some sort of magical make up, she glad they were at least tolerating each other.   She did wonder what had happened but she didn't ask.  It wasn't terribly important, not that she had the chance once they reached the Deep Roads entrance. 

It was in a set of ruins that were set into the mountain side.  A massive carved doorway that looked like a colossal dwarf holding up the mountain stood silence vigil over the area.  She was in awe of it.  She'd never seen anything so grand.

"Set camp!" she heard Bartrand yell over the noise of the talking hired hands and oxen. 

Tearing here eyes from the doorway she turned and headed back to the wagon that had their gear loaded.  Fenris and Anders were already unloading the wagon.  They may be tolerating each other but they certainly weren't speaking to each other unless necessary. 

"Here you are Messere."  Bodhan handed her several water skins and a basket with rations.

"Thank you Bodhan."  She gave him a full smile. 

She felt a tug on her sleeve, she found Sandal smiling up at her. "Hello Sandal."

He held something up to her.  Furrowing her brow, she took the rune.  He smiled dumbly and climbed back in the wagon.  Looking back at the slightly glowing rune.  It was smooth with a bluish haze.  She slipped the unknown rune into her pocket, she'd have to ask Worthy what it was when they got back to Kirkwall.

"Anders. This is for you." She handed him a waterskin and a ration.

"Thanks." He took the skin and rations from her.

"Hey Varric, Catch."  She tossed him his portion.

"Thanks, Hawke."

Fenris looked at her sideways his arms full of their tent.   She followed alongside him carrying their rations.  She sat on her pack while he went about setting up their tent.  She felt kind of bad watching him do all the work.

"Do you want me to help?" she asked.

"You can help me fill it."  She heard him from the other side of the tent.

She waited patiently while he finished.  It wasn't long.  She'd lost herself in the landscape, it was his touch on her face that got her attention again.  He was crouching in front of her.

"Have I told you how beautiful you are?" he asked.

"Not nearly enough."  She answered laughing softly.

"Or how much I..." he stopped there.  Fear had gripped him for some unknown reason and wouldn't let the words out.

"I know what _amor_ means. "

"What?" he asked looking up surprised.

"I know what _amor_ means.  It means Love.  I can only guess what _inquam amor tu_ means." 

She saw a surprised blush creep into his dark darks.  He'd sat back on his heels and hand a nervous hand through her hair.  He was suddenly quite worried about something not even he was aware of.

He cleared his throat.  "It means "I love you" in Arcanum."  He said softly.

He couldn't see her smile because he was looking at his hands.  Brushing imaginary dust from his clothing. He heard movement and though it was her leaving.  His shoulders slumped.  Then before he could stand she'd thrown her arms around him knocking him off balance and both of them tumbled backwards.  He looked up at her with wide eyes. She was laying on him, looking down at him and smiling.

"I realized that I loved you the moment I found your dreams.  There was no denying how I felt.  Perhaps while awake we can convince ourselves that we don't love someone or that we hate but in the Fade, there are no lies only hidden truths waiting to be discovered. " caressing his face, she kissed him softly "You are my anchor to this world.  If not for you I'd have let myself become lost in the Fade. " 

"Theresa.  I don't know what to say." He was trying to keep from letting the emotion he felt choke up his voice.

"You don't have to say anything, just listen. When I fell in the Foundry, I thought everything was over.  I was so relieved.  Finally, an end and I could be at peace. " she felt his grip on her tighten "be at peace my love, and listen."  She whispered softly kissing his cheek "something, someone wouldn't let me go.  I was still very firmly anchored in this world.  When I woke up in your bed and I saw you.  I knew why I wasn't allowed to go to the side of the Maker. "

He swallowed "W-who brought you back?"

"Do you have to ask?" She laughed at the silly question "I'm not telling."

Her levity calmed him immediately.  Using his strength, he turned to tables so that he was on top and smiled at her.

"No!"  she cried trying to squirm away laughing.

Slowly he reached behind him and tickled behind her knee.  She bucked and struggled against him laughing. 

"Ahem!" they heard from behind, Fenris turned to look and saw Anders standing there "If you two are quite done, Varric would like to talk to you both before we go into the deep roads." 

Fenris could see the strain etched on his face, it gave him great satisfaction but he kept his face carefully neutral. Turning back to her he leaned in and kissed her.  He got a satisfying sigh from her.  He was loathe to rise but alas they had a job to do.  Reaching down he helped her up.


	16. Journey of Discovery: Part 3

"When did you last see him?"  Theresa asked Bodhan, she was indeed concerned about the dwarf lad.

"Not more than a half hour ago.  I turned my back to hand out rations.  And he was gone!"  he sighed, wringing his hands.  "Oh, he gets so easily distracted.  I should have been harsher in my warnings."

"We will find your boy."  She reassured him "One way or another.  I promise."

"Poor Sandal!  I can't believe he's done this!"  exasperated Bodhan turned back to his wagon to keep his hands busy "Idle hands do the demons work."  He mumbled.

"We should move quickly."  Varric said.

She nodded, following him to the side tunnels the Carta scout said were too dangerous.  Swallowing her fear, she put on the mask of courage she often wore to keep others from succumbing to it.  She was their leader, they could not see her quaking in her boots so to speak.  Remembering the potions Lady Elegant said would help her.  She said she got the recipe from a Warden, a long time ago.   Pulling the vial out she looked at the faintly glowing contents.

"What is that?"  Anders asked.

"A potion that Lady Elegant said she got from a Warden.  It's supposed to help against the Darkspawn. " unstoppering the vial she drank its contents, running her tongue along her teeth "It tastes like chalk."

"Dude Hawke your eyes are glowing."  Varric said looking at her "That will make a wicked line to the story!"

"Assuming we survive."  Anders said sullenly pinching the bridge of his nose “I hate the blighted Deep Roads."

"Let's just go."

* * *

 

She nearly scream when she saw her first Darkspawn, it was terrifying, but it was covered up by Fenris's bellow ad he ran into battle.  Varric stayed close by her, he must have heard her scream. 

"Blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter.  Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just. " Theresa prayed.

Her first spell it with an extraordinary amount of force crunching bone and armor as it blasted the twisted thing against the wall. 

* * *

 

_Suddenly she was hit with a wash of terror, she must have screamed for it rang in her ears.  Her vision was filled with terrifying and gibbering creatures all clawing at her flesh.   All about her were demonic creatures feasting on her friends.  Fenris's head lay not far from his body, his lifeless eyes staring at her, blood stained lips moving._

**_Why did you let me die?_ **

_She must have screamed again **.  Wake up!** She heard deep within, the Shadows voice.  **Wake up!  Fight!**   _

* * *

 

They all heard her scream.  On her knees her hands buried in her hair, screaming.  Anders was too busy picking up the slack and keeping them from swarming Fenris.  Varric stood nearby but her screaming was unnerving him.  No one had heard such terrified cries before.  Anders thought she was going insane until her screamed changed pitch from terror to rage. 

"I shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the Fade," she scream at the Darkspawn, there was more conviction in her voice than Anders had ever thought possible to have, it stirred even Justice "For there is no darkness, nor death either, in the Maker's Light and NOTHING THAT HE HAS WROUGHT SHALL BE LOST!"

Her eyes were blazing a brilliant blue.  She screamed those last words, pouring every ounce of fear and rage she could muster into it.  Reaching to the ceiling she aimed to pull the very ceiling down on them.  Might as well have with the deafening roar of crushing bones and twisting metal as all the Darkspawn within reach were forced into the hard stone floor by some invisible hand.

Everyone stopped and looked at her.  She stood still her hands still out in front of her, white knuckled fists and breathing in short ragged bursts.  The glow faded from her eyes and they came back into view, they were alive.  She watched in disbelief as Fenris walked by to her and grasped her by the shoulders.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

She just stared at him dumbly.  "You're alive.  Thank the Maker you're alive." She started crying.

Fenris looked at Anders for some sort of explanation. He shrugged "He must have cast a spell on her.  I've seen mages cast it on their enemies, it's called Horror.  Awful spell but effective." Anders explained.

"Are you going to be alright?" Fenris asked "can you continue?"

She nodded "Yes.  I'm okay now."

Planting a kiss on her forehead he hefted his sword and took point.  This was why he hated mages. 

* * *

 

"Well I'll be a nugs uncle.  Isn't that Bodhan's boy?"  Varric said pointing to Sandal whom was standing by himself surrounded by Darkspawn corpses and seeming none the wiser.

Hearing them Sandal turned around smiling dumbly.  "Hello"

"Talk about "Dumb luck"" Anders said sarcastically as well as surprised.

Theresa knelt before the boy checking him for injuries.  "Are you hurt Sandal?"  she asked, seeing no out-ward injuries she looked around at the corpses "How did you do this?"

"Boom” was all he said, the simplicity of his answer made her smile.

She tousled the boy’s hair. When she turned around she nearly scream again when she saw the frozen ogre.  "Sweet mother of Andraste!  How did you do that?"

Anders nearly choked on his water, gaining an odd look from Fenris.  He'd never heard her use such language before.

"So, she does know how to swear.  Have you been spending too much time with Isabela?" he asked recovering from his near spill.

She ignored him and looked to Sandal for an answer. "Not enchantment."  He said. 

He turned and handed her another rune, then started prodding off back the way they had come. She watched him go with amazement.

"Smart boy." Varric said, just as surprised as the rest of them "Come on we still need to find a way past the collapse."

* * *

 

After they were past the Dragon, which was far easier to kill than the last one, they came upon an ancient door.  Theresa waited near the back while Anders and Fenris, being the two biggest of them, worked at the door.  Groaning the stone door finally came loose and side open with a loud _slam!_   The suddenness of it sent Anders flying into the room, Fenris caught himself stepping over the prone mage.

Theresa felt a wave of uneasiness wash over her as they entered the room.  Everything was cast in a reddish glow, coming from a center dais.  Eager to see what they had found, Varric nearly ran up the stairs.  Anders and Fenris took the pint-sized stairs two at time while Theresa held back reluctant to approach the thing. 

"You see what I'm seeing?" Varric asked with a fair amount of awe.

"Is that Lyrium?" she asked.  The idol was ugly.  It hummed with power, but unlike normal lyrium with had a delightful song this was more akin to the grating of stones or the raking of claws against a board. "I don't like this."

"Bah, you worry too much Hawke."  Varric said, he thought it sounded lovely.

"It's definitely magic.  And not the good kind." Anders told them.

"I'm not touching it."  Theresa said with haste, then moved away from the offending object.

"Doesn't look like any lyrium I have ever see."  Varric went out reaching out for the idol "Look at this, Bartrand. An idol made out of pure lyrium, I think.  Could be worth a fortune."  He tossed his brother the idol, whom caught it with easy hands. She didn't like the look on his face.

"I want to leave this place." She said moving closer to Fenris.

She heard Bartrand whistle "You could be right.  Excellent find."

"Not bad.  We'll look around and see if there is anything else further in. “ Varric called turning back to them "What's the matter Hawke?"

"You do that."  Bartrand said absently leaving them in the door and closing the door.

"Varric the door!"  she yelled running to the door.

"Bartand! It's shut behind you!"  Varric yelled through the door.

"You did always notice everything, brother."  She heard Bartrands muffled reply, something was off about his voice.

She backed away from the door while Varric continued yelling at his brother.  Looking around she noticed the red glow was gone.  She had stopped listening to Varric until the last time he banged on the door.

"I swear I will find that son of a bitch -sorry mother- and I will kill him!" he sighed turning away " come on let's see if there is another way out."

She was more than happy to leave the room, it made her skin crawl.  Running into more demons and these things made of rock they followed the ancient tunnels until they came to a long corridor.

 It was eerily quiet and the ground was covered in rubble.  There was a deep rumbling, then everything started to shake.  Theresa screamed in surprise when she lost her footing as this monstrous thing formed behind her.  Stepping forward Fenris caught her.  Pulling her to her feet he pushed her behind him.

It looked down at them, its eyes settling on her.  _You must be brave.  For them, you must be brave._

"You have proven your mettle.  I would not have these creatures harmed without need."  Its voice was soft, alluring and utterly alien. 

"Y-You are the first one that hasn't outright attacked us." She stepped out from behind Fenris.  She looked at the large rock-creature.

"They will assault you no more, no without my permission." He purred.  Something about this creature seemed familiar.

"What are these things?  They seem like Rock Wraiths but..." Varric asked.

"They hunger."  It said simply, she could hear the hunger in its voice, "The Profane have lingered in these tunnels for ages beyond memory, feeding on the rocks until they know nothing but the hunger."

"The lyrium sustains them." She said peeking around the chamber, she could hear the song of the stones, but harmonious and corrupted.

"I am not as they are.  I am... a visitor." Its voice was getting to her.

"It's a demon come to feed on their hunger." Anders said with certainty.

"I would not see my feast end. I sense your desire.  You wish to leave this place.  And you will need my help to do so."

"Don't do it.  Demons will trip you up every time."  Anders urged her.

She had no intention of dealing with or listening to this demon.  "I do not deal with your kind!  Blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter.  Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just. " she prayed again backing behind Fenris.

"Unwise."  It said rearing to attack them.

* * *

 

"What is this place?" she asked. The demon had been deceptively easy to kill.  Moving on past its remains they moved into a large chamber. She wondered if they hadn't seen the end of it. "I worry that demon isn't gone."

"This is the vault.  The dwarves would be brought their..."

The entire room began to shake as the rock-wraith, now three times as big pulled itself together from the strew about rocks in the room. Standing nearly to the ceiling the rock wraith began its assault anew.

She heard Fenris bellow in Arcanum before running to meet the wraith head on.  _Blessed are they who stand before_ _the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter.  Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just._  She whispered to herself over and over again.

She was quickly put on the defensive as the demon pulled itself in then with a deafening explosion sent rock fragments hurtling towards them.  She was luckily able to hide behind a pillar and the barrage missed her. 

" I shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the Fade, for there is no darkness, nor death either, in the Maker's Light and nothing that He has wrought shall be lost. “ she whispered before digging deep into herself and pulling forth the healing energies needed to heal her companions. 

A blue light surrounded her as she spoke.  When she came to the end of her passage a blue shock wave shot out from her and bathed her companions in warm, healing light.  Mending wounds and restoring vitality.

Afterward the barrage it left him vulnerable, seizing upon the opportunity to attack Fenris jumped into the center cleaving hard.  The demon had summoned more Profane to aid him, this left her and Anders to fight off the Profane while Varric helped Fenris kill the rock wraith. 

Pulling itself together it swung hard at her.  She knew she couldn't dodge in time, so instead she used the 'Fist of the Maker' as she called it, to slam his arm into the ground.  It slowed the creature but it still clipped her shoulder sending her flying across the cavern floor. A flash of pain ripped through her arm and shoulder, she was sure it was broken but there was no time to dwell on the pain.

  Growling through it she barely got to hiding before it barraged them again, giving her precious little time to get to safety.  Ramming herself as hard as she could into a rock formation she nearly fainted from the wash of pain that passed through her when her shoulder popped back into place.  Forcing herself to stand she summoned the last remaining power she had to heal her companions again.

She was still dazed and exhausted on the floor when she felt strong hands lift her up.  It was hard to focus, but she was pretty sure it was Fenris.

"It's over _ma aureum_." Fenris said softly picking her up "rest now."

Anders wandered what that meant.  Shaking his head, he went to help Varric search the Vaults contents.   She rested her head against his shoulder.  She was so tired, maybe just a short rest.

 


	17. Interlude: Carver

"So you're back."  He snapped as resentful as ever.

The moment she walked in she was set upon by her mother and her brother dressed as a Templar. Somehow she wasn't surprised and even a little relieved.  _The Order will be good for you._ Though she wouldn’t tell her mother that.

"Talk some sense into him, please. " her mother pleaded. 

She wondered why.  He looked so determined.  She knew he wouldn't listen and anyhow she wanted him to go make his own way.  She sighed, she wished he wasn't so resentful of her.

"You look like you have made up your mind.  Is being a Templar what you want?" she asked.

He looked at her suspiciously, it wasn't the answer he expected and he didn't trust it. "I have joined the Templar Order."

"I can tell that much."  She replied remaining neutral.

"There is no sense in talking me out it; it's done." He continued bowling over her words "And don't worry I won't turn you in.  I _know_ the meaning of family." She could hear the venom in his voice.

"I had no intention of doing such." She replied "I'm actually happy that you have joined the Order. I have no fears that you would turn me in."

"What?" both him and their mother asked.   They didn't believe what they were hearing. 

"You have never been happy living under my shadow and I never wanted you there. “she explained "if this is your chance then I want you to take it.  Be something.  Do something.  Without me.  You don't need me looking after you any longer." He was stunned beyond words.  He just stood there staring at her. 

"What are you saying?"  her mother asked near hysterical "You can't be serious?" she said looking between her stunned son and daughter barely home from the deep roads.

"Mother."  She said softly squeezing her mother's shoulders, "Carver is his own man.  Let him go be the man he wants to be." 

"And you,” she said to her brother "I love you Carver.  Be safe and good luck." Kissing her stunned brother on the cheek she went into her room, leaving them alone in stunned silence.

* * *

 

Using the funds from the treasure they gained from the deep roads she bought back her families estate.  She did it more for her mother than herself.  She would have been happy living anywhere with her family.  It took the better part of two years to restore it back to what it was and clear out all the filth of the slavers, but well worth it. 

Her mother went and visited Carver every day.  He had no desire to see his sister and the one letter she received from him was as resentful after three years as he had been when he left.  She wondered if he would ever forgive her slight against him for being first born.  Sighing she tossed the letter on her bed and stared out the window, her life had changed for the second time and she'd lost another sibling to fate.  At least this time she was able to say good bye.


	18. Night Terrors

She had not thought to actually be sent into the Fade this way again.  One harrowing was enough, even an accidental one.  From the moment she stepped into the Fade she felt the surge of her Shadow Self filling her.  It gave her an after image, trailing behind her like a hazy reflection.  Watching her surroundings, she noted the Templar's quarters of the Gallows while she waited for her companions to appear. 

First was Anders.  She immediately felt the change between him and Justice.  She watched his skin glitter and crackle with the energy of the spirit.  Again, she wondered if they were not so unlike.

"I had not thought to return in this way."  His alien voice booming with power "It is good to feel the breath of the Fade again.  Not the stale air of your world." She remained silent unsure if she wanted to give away what she was. "I am Justice surely Anders has told you of me."

"I know who you are spirit."  When she spoke, she had the echo of her Shadow Self.

He looked at her.  He recognized the echo.  "You are an abomination!" he immediately was on edge.

"No more than you are spirit."  She retorted, her soft voice replaced by that of her Shadow self "I am a life grateful for the selflessness of a spirit willing to sacrifice itself so I could live.  Just as a mortal sacrificed his life so that you could live. You do well to remember that, I am not defenseless here." She rebuked him.  He was quiet until Fenris and Isabela arrived in the Fade.  

"I do not like the feel of this place." Fenris said stepping closer to Theresa. 

He'd not seen her like this before.  It was eerie how her Shadow self trailed behind her like an after image.  How her voice echoed with the spirits when she spoke.  It wasn't like Justice, it was a softer echo barely perceptible.

"Ooh this place is shiny."  Isabela said.

"I feel Feynriel's mind straining, we must hurry.  We do not have much time."   She watched him start down the stairs. 

Following him down the Gallows steps she was ever alert.  She could feel the demons plaguing this one's mind.  Turning to the gate before them was a demon slithering up and halting before them.  She felt a wash to weariness flood over her at its approach.

"Well..." it's voice a low purr "it's so rare to see two forgotten magics in one day.  I wasn't sure I would like this surprise, but it has potential."

"A sloth demon."  Justice said, disgust evident "It makes men forget..."

"I know what it is."  She interrupted him, "I do not deal with demons."  She said forcefully.

"Have it your way." It purred.

Rearing back, it lashed out at her.  Instead of trying to dodge she simply fell to the floor, it's swipe going harmless over her.  Fenris leapt over her prone body coming down hard on its head with his sword. 

" I shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the Fade, for there is no darkness, nor death either, in the Maker's Light and nothing that He has wrought shall be lost. " she spoke aloud.  Justice looked at her but otherwise did not speak. Was he was not expecting was the brilliant flash of light that accompanied her words, binding the demon is a fortress of white with black arms that tore it asunder.

 "I will never get used to that."  Fenris said returning to her side.  "Let be done with this place quickly.

 "I agree.  Feynriel doesn't have much time. “ she said moving up the stairs on the right.

 Walking through the first door her companions disappeared and she found herself wearing the skin of his mother.  Looking about the room, she saw Feynriel sitting at desk with his father standing over him.

"That's it, Feynriel. Hard on the down stroke, then lift.  Good!"  Vincento smiled at his body "I'll be having you scribing all my letters soon. If I'd known you were such a bright lad, I'd have brought you into the business years ago."

 "Does that mean I get to come with you to Antiva, father.  Mother said maybe this summer..." he looked to her with expectant eyes "right mother?"

 "Your father never wanted anything to do with you.  Don't believe his lies!"  she pleaded with the boy, it was harsh but true.

 "Why are you lying to me?" Feynriel asked his shadow father.

 "Don't listen, son.  She's always been ashamed of you.  She wanted you gone so she could go back to the Dalish.  I'm the one who loves you."  Vincento told him. 

 "But..."  Feynriel thought hard "Why can't I remember you?"

 "That isn't your father Feynriel.  You are trapped in the Fade.  That's a demon."  She told the boy, hoping to break him free.

 "A demon!"  he cried looking from his mother to his father "No! No, I want this!"

 "Then remember who took away."  the demon purred as Feynriel disappeared and took her true shape "the only thing you ever wanted."

 They stood face to face with the desire demon.  Theresa looked upon her with distain.  The mostly naked demonness offended her greatly.  She heard Fenris shift behind her uncomfortably.

 "You!"  she hissed "You took him away from me!"

 "I swear it was a complete accident."  Theresa said sarcastically in a low tone.

 "Take away my pets and I will take away yours.  How loyal are these friends you drag with you into the Fade?"  she asked, "Would you pirate queen stay if the open water beckoned?"  she looked at Isabela "What do you say, sweetheart.  A two-mast brigantine, square main top-sail... and a hundred well built lad to come at your every whim... I know you have been looking for a stiff masthead."  She finished handing a clawed hand over her naked breast.

 She heard Isabela moan.  She narrowed her eyes at the demon. "Should I turn around and let you stab me in the back?  Or let it come as a surprise?" 

 "You are just the sweetest."  Isabela turned to say as she walked towards at the demon.

 "The 'Siren's Call Two’ waits in the Kirkwall harbor.  I will be under the furs in the captain’s quarters."

 When Isabela turned against them it was Justice that acted first shielding her from her dangerous blades.  She was ever grateful, the thought of becoming Tranquil was not appealing to her.  Once Isabela was gone and woken from the dream, desire did not last long.  She was not a particularly strong demon but persuasive, that was where her power lay.

 Returning to the middle room there was a rage demon waiting for them.  Fenris ran forward bellowing in Arcanum.  Justice threw freezing blasts at the hot-headed demon while Theresa brought the force of the Maker down on the demon turning it to a reddish steaming goo.

 "Let us get this over with."  She said grimly entering the second door.

 Just like in the first her friends disappeared and she was left in the skin of another, one she didn't know.  A male elf of the circle.  He walked in on the Keeper speaking with Feynriel.

 "That is not the keeper.  Demons can take on other forms."  She pleaded, strange hearing a man's voice coming from her lips.

 "He lies!"  she hissed "The first enchanter is a pawn of the Templar's."

 "No!"  Feynriel shouted "Silence demon!  Weren't you...no the Keeper warned me about this!  Mother's people have no circle, but they do consort with demons!"  backing away from the keeper Feynriel ran from the nightmare.

 The demon turned its angry glare on her.  "Why did you interfere? “it said morphing into its true form "Together with my power Feynriel could changed the world."

 "It's not what he wanted!"  she called to the demon "He wants his freedom not your power!"

 "Those you are free desire power.  Do you think you or your friends are any different?"  the demon asked, "Do you think this slave would choose you over his freedom?"

 "Cast your eyes elsewhere, demon.  I won my freedom from the magisters long ago!"  Fenris growled.

 "But you fear them still.  They have their marks upon your body and mind.  With my aid you could be truly free.  You could challenge them with enough power to be equals."  It purred to him.

 Theresa looked to Fenris horrifying.  "Please don't do this Fenris.  You can trust nothing he says!"

 "But...to face them as an equal. I..."  he looked from her to the demon "What...what would you want from me?"

 "A moment of you time is all."  It purred stepping back.

 "Fenris please!" she reached to grab him but he quickly turned on her cleaving hard down between her shoulder and neck, nearly cleaving her in two.  For a moment she felt her mind slipping.  Everything went hazy. " I shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the Fade, for there is no darkness, nor death either, in the Maker's Light and nothing that He has wrought shall be lost. “she whispered.

 Justice had blasted him away with a fireball and pulled her back.  "Are you alive?"  he called.

"Yes!"  her voice cracked, forgetting about the betrayals she focused on the demons.  Summoning the fortress again she tore Fenris's Fade self in two. "You!"  she growled at the demon.  "Maker curse you!"  she bellowed crushing him beneath the fist of the Maker.


	19. The Night I Lost You

_No matter how fast she ran she could not close the distance between them.  He stood on the other side of a huge field.  They wheat was like an ocean of gold.  It should have been beautiful, but it was only distressing.  The wheat stalks both standing and trampled her movement.  Grasping her ankles and clothing._

**_Fenris!_ ** _She called as he started walking away **Wait!**_

**** _Looking down the wheat was replaced by grasping hands.  Slavers and their demonic pets pulling her down into a black mire. The more she struggled the faster she sank, until she could see nothing and he was out of reach lost forever._

* * *

 

"I have been thinking about what happened in the Fade." Fenris said sitting beside her, "That a demon could play so easily on my fears...disturbs me."  He looked up at her "I failed you.  It will not happen again."

 "I do not blame you.  Anyone can fall prey to a demon’s charms."  She smiled at him. 

 "And yet she didn't manage to influence you."  He hadn't expected that, he expected her to be the first to fall.

 "Fenris, I have been fighting off the temptations of demons all my life.  I know how to defend myself against them." She turned away looking at the fire, she didn't want to tell him how close she came to be being made tranquil and he was the one that nearly did it.

 She felt his hand on her shoulder, he could tell she was hiding something he could feel it.   He didn't like it when she didn't tell him things. 

 "What are you hiding from me?"  he asked softly "You can tell me."

 "I know I can."  She said, then she shook her head "But I do not want to. “she shook her head "It does not matter love.  What's done is done.  We both are alive and well and that's all that matters."

 "I am so sorry.  I wish I had been stronger for you."  He apologized again pulling her to him.

 "It is your fear they prey on. “she spoke softly, he was behind her his forehead pressed into the back of her neck with his arms around her, "Please.  I cannot bear it if you were destroyed by your fears."  Slowly she turned in his arms so that she was facing him "I am not angry.  I do not blame you.  I just don't want to lose you."

 He gazed at her “You aren't going to lose me to anything."

 "I thought I was going to use you to Hadriana in the holding caves.  Your hatred was so strong.  I felt it as keenly as my own.   I was so frightened when you ran off.  I thought you'd left Kirkwall." Her voice cracked with emotion "I'm so afraid I'm going to lose you."  She sobbed.

 "Please don't cry."  He whispered, gently wiping her tears away "My heart breaks when you cry."

 He was suddenly overcome with emotions; love, passion, need.  It had been three in a half year.  It was time.  No more waiting, no more wasting time. 

 Kissing her passionately.  She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist.  He carried her like that from his favorite arm chair to his bed.  He let her hands wander where ever she wanted them to and finally allowed himself the same. 

Opening himself up to her, they connected on a level he'd never thought possible.  She flooded every corner of his being and he her.  Each kiss brought them closer together.  It was a flood gate once opened could not closed again.

 Stepping back, he took the time to enjoy undressing her.  Letting his fingers graze against her skin, exploring areas he'd only thought of in his dreams. He shed his own clothing like a tree losing its leaves in the fall.  Crawling over her he began slowly and gently. 

 It was unlike anything he'd ever felt.  Nothing he could have hoped for in all of his life, not even in his dreams.  Something unexpected happened though, for a moment, just a moment everything he'd lost had flooded back to him and the next it was gone.  His heart nearly broke.  He remembered faces, words, emotions and then nothing.  He was empty again. 

 He watched her sleeping beside him, her face contented.  He couldn't do this.  Rising he hoped to be gone before she woke. 

 "Fenris?  Where are you going?"  she asked sitting up and rubbing her eyes "Why are you dressed?"  she sounded alarmed now.

 "I-I.." he shook his head, she could see the distress. 

 Not caring to clothe herself she rose and went to him.  She stood with her hands on his face.  "What is it?  The lyrium?  It is pain?"

 He pulled her hands away holding them in his.  "It's not that." He said softly.

 "Then what is it?  Please tell me." She was pleading with him, she was scared and confused.  So was he.  He needed to get away.

 "I can't do this, Theresa. " he squeezed her hands "For a moment, just a moment I could remember everything.  Then it was gone.  It was like being full then empty again. “he watched her face, the tears in her eyes "I can't do this.  I cannot bear the empty feeling that is left behind." _You deserve someone better than me.  A real man.  Not a hollow shell._

 "But we can find away to make it permanent.  Please Fenris,” she was crying now, pleading.  "Don't do this."

 "I'm sorry Theresa.  I-I have to go."  He released her hands and turned away.  Not before he saw her heart shatter and heard her hit the floor and start sobbing. 


	20. Interlude: Broken Dreams

"Darling please come out."  Her mother called through her door "You must eat something." 

Swiftrunner whined and pawed at the door.  He gave a sharp bark and whined again.  Her mother looked at the hound and patted the dog's head.  Finally, the door opened slowly and she emerged.  Her face was neutral but her eyes were blood shot. 

"Sweetheart..."

"I'm fine mother.  What is done is done.  I've shed my tears now it's time to move on." She didn't stop her mother from embracing her.

"I am so sorry."  She kissed her cheeks, she stopped there knowing anything else she could have said would have been insufficient.  It had been weeks since her falling out with the elf and this was the first time she'd come out of her room.  Losing someone you loved was never easy.  She let her daughter walk past her.  "Where are you going?"

"To the Hanged Man to let my friends know I'm still alive." She said grabbing her coat "Come on boy.  Let's go to Lowtown."

* * *

 

Fenris was startled by the sudden pounding on his door.  No one had come by in weeks.  After letting his heart calm down, he answered the door.  He was caught off guard by the fist that accompanied him opening the door. 

The force of the blow and its unexpectedness sent him flying backwards and his head reeling.  It left him dazed and disoriented.  He barely had enough time to block the next punch thrown, it knocked him off balance and he fell into the stair well. 

"You mongrel bastard!  I should whip you were you stand!" he recognized the voice as Anders.  Still reeling from the punch to the he could only see the vague outline of his face and hair. He was grabbed by the collar and hoisted up, coming face to face with him as his vision cleared.

“...” he didn't say anything.  He still couldn't think straight.

"I don't what you did to her, and by the Maker I don't care.  No one has the right to hurt her the way you have.   Well?" he asked "What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Nothing... I-” he said quietly looking away.

"Uhh."  he sighed disgusted, dropping the elf back on the stairs, "Oh yeah 'I', that's all you were thinking about was yourself.  How whatever happened effected you.  What about her?" he yelled pointing towards her mansion "Did you even think about how this has affected her?  I have never seen her cry so hard before and I never want to see it again." 

He turned away from the mage, sitting up on the stairs rubbing his jaw.  He didn't think anything was broken but he was sure he knocked a few teeth loose.  He was surprised that the mage's punch could pack such a wallop.  His silence only made Anders angrier.

"If you are half the man Hawke thinks you are you will fix this and soon.  I know you two love each other and I won't see utter stupidity ruin it for her.   Not when the alternative is so much better."  He knelt closer to him "You are lucky Fenris.  That I care about her as much as you do or I would turn you over to the first Tevinter I saw."

Getting his attention, all the anger, pain, shock and myriad of other emotions met his gaze.  His breathing was harsh and labored.  He didn't know where to attack or hide. He knew the mage was right and it shamed him that he was getting scolding by _this_ mage.

"I saw what happened in the Fade.  “Anders jaw tightened "You owe it to her to make this right after that.  Because of you she was almost made tranquil."

He blinked.  "W-What?" talking hurt his jaw and forced him to slur his words.

Anders gave a short barking laugh "She didn't tell you, did she?  “ he asked "When you turned on us you nearly killed her in the Fade.  By nearly I mean a hairs breath from losing everything we all love about her.    It was by my quick action that she was spared that fate." he explained.

When he didn't answer Anders continued "Maker knows I can't imagine what she sees in you, but it's going to have to be enough for me that she does."

"It's done.  It let be _mage_."  He was getting tired of this.

"I can't let it be.  I hope for her sake she has some sense."

"Do not make light of this!"  he growled ignoring the pain in his jaw "Leaving was the hardest thing I had ever done!"

"Leaving?" he scoffed "leaving isn't hard Fenris.  Staying is what is hard.  Standing by their side no matter what.  That's hard!  What you are doing.  This..."  he gestured to where he was sitting on the stairs, bleeding "this is the opposite of hard.  I hope for her own safe she realizes she doesn't need you."

"Why? So, you can jump in!"  he growled, half in pain of his jaw half out of anger at the mages words.

"What _I_ want is irrelevant.  “ he answered "Unfortunately."  He sighed "go to her if you want healing, I won't do it."

He let himself out, leaving Fenris alone in his dilapidated mansion.

* * *

 

Everyone stopped and looked at her when she entered Varric's suite, for most of them it was the first time they'd seen her in weeks.  She smiled at them weakly. 

"Don't stop on my account."  She said taking a seat next to Isabela.

"Care to drink with me, Sweet thing?"  Isabela asked, it was her way of showing that she cared.

"That's sounds like a great idea." 

"Then it's settled!"  Isabela slammed her hand on the table "Brandy and Wicked Grace."

"Where is Anders?" she asked when she didn't see him.

"Haven't seen him tonight."  Isabela shrugged pouring her a small glass of Brandy "now drink that slowly, sweet-thing, I don't want you passing out on me too early." She said with a wink.

"Blondie said he had something to take care of."  Varric said looking up from where he was polishing Bianca "Deal me in Rivaini."  Setting Bianca on the table next to him.

* * *

 

"Cheater!"  she cried at Isabela, she'd had two cups of Isabela brandy already which helped her relax a great deal. 

"Oh?  Me?" she asked in mock shock pressing her hand to her ample bosom "I would never!"

"Liar." 

"Oh, Sweet-thing what am I to do with you?"  she asked looking down at her.

"Let her sleep in here."  Varric said, "My bed's free.  May be a bit short but it's better than the floor."  He helped Isabela lay her on Varric's bed, she curled up and went to sleep. 

Isabela sighed.  "Poor girl."  Showing uncharacteristic kindness.

"Stupid Elf."  Varric said shaking his head.  He looked at her "Diamond Back?"

"Sure.  I'll not turn down a chance to win your coin." She said laughing as they moved into the Taproom.


	21. Interlude: A Letter From Justin

_Theresa,_

_It has been a long time.  I heard you were in Kirkwall, moved up from Hightown.  I just transferred to the Gallows here in Kirkwall from Starkhaven.  I was hoping that you survived the Blight and made it out of Lothering.  I prayed to the Maker every day that you were safe.  I am so glad that you have made it here and are doing so well._

_I saw Carver.  He still doesn't like me.  At least he remembers me, no?  I see some things never change.  I hope he finds what he needs in the Order.  I don't know how much longer I can stand it.  I question every day why I remain, but that's a conversation for another time.  What I wanted to say is that I would like to see you.  Catch up.  I hear you frequent an inn in Lowtown.  Perhaps I will see you there one night._

_Yours always Justin._

* * *

 

A strapping young man sat at the bar, by himself since word traveled fast about Templar even new ones.  He wasn't dressed like one having left his hulking plate at the barracks, dressed in casual clothing he may have passed for someone from Lowtown.  He had long brown hair falling in ringlets down to his shoulder blades and deep golden-brown eyes.

"Ser Justin, is it?"  she asked smiling at him "This is not a place I would think to see a self-respecting Templar."

He turned and smiled from ear to ear.  "Oh Theresa!"  he embraced her warmly, "We are far beyond 'Ser'."  He replied laughing, she'd missed his smooth tenor.  "And as you know I am barely a Templar.  No lyrium addiction here." He added with a chuckle. "Let me take a look at you."

Grasping her shoulders, he took her in.  "You've grown."

"So, have you."  She replied tugging on his long brown curls "and you need to shave."  She added rubbing his cheek.

He chuckled, patting her hand.  "Let's go sit down I want to know about your adventures."

He offered her his arm.  Taking his arm, he led her to a table near the back where it was quieter.

* * *

 

"Who is Theresa with?" Anders asked Varric.

"Some Templar friend."  He replied shrugged "They have been talking there for hours."  He was still polishing Bianca.

"I've not seen him before." He said frowning.

"Word on the street says he came from Starkhaven and that he doesn't get along with the Knight-Commander.  Apparently, he asks too many questions." Varric looked up from Bianca "I don't think she's in any danger.  Her brother is a Templar too now. "

"Don't reminder me."  He said distracted by the suddenly appearance of an Templar in the Handed Man and fact he wasn't dressed like one either "strangest Templar I have ever seen. "

"Don't start anything, Blondie." Varric warned.

"I won't. I just want to say hi."  He said walking to the table.

* * *

 

Justin looked at up at the approaching man.  "I think you have company Theresa."

"What?" she said turning around in her seat "Hi Anders."

"Evening Theresa.  Who's your friend?" he asked a little wearily.

"Oh excuse me,” Justin said standing "My name is Justin."  He offered his hand.

Anders started at him, but didn't move to take the man's hand.  He could feel Justice trying to surface.  "No last name?"

"Nope we were too poor in Lothering to afford middle names, let alone last names. It's a hand.  It doesn't bite."  When he still didn't respond "okay then."  He pulled his hand back and sat down.

" Anders don't be rude."  Theresa said.

Anders looked at her and sighed. "I'm sorry Theresa.  I'm weary of strangers."  He said looking at Justin.

"Good thing Theresa knows me or I'd be in trouble." Justin said the levity not leaving his voice.

Anders was hard pressed not to like this man.  If wasn't the fact he knew he was a Templar he'd might actually consider being friends with him.

"Would you like to sit down?" she asked pushing a chair out "we were just talking. You are welcome to join us."

He nodded.  "Look I'm sorry, I just don't like..."

"Oh, I understand I get that a lot.  People find out I'm a Templar, sort of, “ he said shaking his head " and get all rigid like I'm gonna turn them into puddles of goo or something." He rolled his eyes "I'm not even armed."

Anders did then notice he was indeed unarmed, but that didn't make him any less dangerous.

"Barkeep can I have another pitcher and an extra mug?  Thanks!"  he turned back to Theresa and Anders "so you must her Warden friend.  I met the hero of Ferelden once, sweet gal."

"Yeah..."  he said slowly looking at Theresa.

"Anders, I trust this man with my life.  There are no secrets between me and him."

"So, he knows then?" he asked worried and looking ready to defend himself against some unknown attacker.

"I know what?"  he asked "That you happen to be a Warden and a gifted individual?  Yes.  Do I feel inclined to tell anyone. No.  My best gal here is an equally gifted individual that I would gladly give up the Order for."

"Why don't you?" Anders asked.

Justin sighed.  Looking at Theresa.  "Because I am only fit to do the Makers work." He said raising his glass and taking a long drink.

"That isn't true Justin."  She looked unhappy about something.

"Oh, sweetheart.  The Order is the only thing I haven't failed yet and even that's looking sketchy given my current circumstances.  I may not even have that much longer."  He patted her hand "Let's not kid ourselves.  I am as much to blame as the man that did it."

"So, this is man that saved your life?" Anders asked, remembering when she told him about living in Lothering.

"Yes."  She nodded "Not all Templar's are evil.  Justin certainly isn't, he's a good man with a heavy conscience."

"I'll drink to that."  He shook his head "I will glad of the day I do not have to watch over another Harrowing.  Vile ritual.  “ he shook his head as if to clear the unpleasant memory.

Anders was surprised to hear that from a Templar, though this man seemed much less of a Templar than anyone he'd ever met.

"How did you join the Order?" he asked.

"My mother decided she didn't want a half-blooded son, so she gave me to the Chantry.  I was raised in the Chantry as a brother.  I knew no other life and desired no other life, despite my questioning nature.  They thought I would make a good addition, until they realized I can't ingest lyrium and thus could not be controlled.  I stayed because I love the Chantry, I follow the Maker and I believed in what I was doing."  He was very open.

"Believed?" Anders asked

"Faith is a funny thing, my friend.  Like any other relation it takes time, effort and affection to nurture and grow.  Remove one of those aspects and it withers and dies.  I have plenty of time, I give plenty of effort but there's no affection.  All I see is hearts closed to the pains of people we are supposed to protect. “ he sighed "we should be protecting and watchful beside we love and want to protect people even from themselves, not out of fear.  Fear makes terrible adherents. But I did not come all the way out to Lowtown to talk about the Order."  He said slamming his mug down "Theresa, I think you owe me a dance."

"I think it's the other way around."  She replied taking his hand.

* * *

 

Fenris had come into the Hanged Man after she had gone out onto the dance floor.  Seeing her in the arms of another man was too much.  They looked so close and she was smiling.  When she kissed him on the cheek he left.  His face hurt and he didn't have the patience for this.

The walk home was long for him, he didn't want to go home to his empty house.  Turning off he went dockside to stare at the harbor for awhile.

* * *

 

He led her out onto the dance floor.  He was a good dancer in a back-country sort of way.   The first song had a fast and furious pace, in which he led her around the entire dance floor in a furious dance.  When the pace slowed he pulled her in, blending in with the other couples on the floor. She leaned her head on his shoulder.

"So, you gonna tell me what plan is now?" he asked quietly.

"I don't know what to say.  The man I love ran away from me." She felt him let out a slow breath and rest his cheek against her head.  "I don't know what to do."

"Well silly girl." He said, "You go to him if he won't come to you."  He twirled her in sync with the others on the dance floor.  "Don't let him make the same mistake I did."  He rubbed her cheek with his thumb "You'll both regret it as long as you live. Go on, I'll be here." He pushed her towards the door.

"Thank you, Justin."  She kissed him on the cheek.

He watched her go sighing.  Shaking his head, he sat back down with the mage. 

"Brandy?" Anders offered.

"Maker yes."  Justin sighed and took the flask.

* * *

 

She was disappointed when he wasn't there when she got there.  Letting herself in she rekindled his fire she moved to his chair and waited.  Pulling her feet up she watched the flames as the minutes turned to hours. 

The door opening woke her.  Jumping she turned to see a very surprised Fenris standing in the doorway.  She could see the bruising that discolored his jaw.

"Why are you here?" he asked, his speech still slurred.

Discarding the blanket, she went up to him to look at his face.  "What happened to you?" she asked ignoring his question.

"Nothing." He said pulling away from her.

"Nothing my ass.  Hold still."  She said firmly touching the bruised area.  Grunting he pulled his head away and grabbed her hands. "Stop it!" pulling her hands free she hooked her hand around the back of his head so he couldn't pull away and probed his jaw frowning when she heard it click.

"Your jaw is dislocated.  How...?  Never mind I don't want to know. This is going to smart."  She warned him before resetting his jaw. He grunted grasping the door way hard enough to crack the wood. Whispering her prayer, her hand glowed.  Warmth flowed into his jaw and the pain faded.

"It was terribly irresponsible of you not to get that fixed."  She scolded.

"Did you come here just to scold me?" he snapped.

"No, I didn't, but you seem to need it leaving an injury like that unattended."

"Shouldn't you be with your new friend?" he asked "and leaving me alone."

"My what?" she asked "what are you going on about?"

"I saw you dancing and kiss him."  He sounded jealous and upset.

"Fenris." She said reaching for his arm.  He growled and pulled away from her "Fenris."  She said again.

"What?!" he yelled turning on her.

"That man.  Is a very old friend of mine.  Justin. " she tried to explain.

"What did he decide he was going to marry you after all?"

"Now are you just being daft."  He narrowed his eyes at her "Blessed Maker Fenris!  He's the one that told me to come here and talk to you. Whatever you believe you can't handle on your own I know we can together."  She grasped one of his hands "You just need to trust me."

He felt even more foolish now.  Unable to look at her he stared at the floor, his bare feet dirty from walking through Lowtown and Dockside.

"I need to go clean up.  We can talk when I get back."  He needed some space from her, being so close made all the feelings he'd worked so hard to push down come back.

She let him go, watching his hand slip through her fingers.  She was almost afraid he'd run again and not come back.  _I have to trust him._


	22. Interlude: The Promise

The thought of running did cross his mind when he was pumping the water to wash the grim off his feet. He was very tired of running and hiding. Especially from her. He sat there for some time before scrubbing his feet clean.  He liked walking but hated how dirty the city was. Removing his leg guards, he walked back into his room in a pair of linen pants and a linen shirt.

He stopped when he saw her curled up in his chair by her chin propped up on her hand.  Why did this have to be do hard?  Why was he so afraid?  He padded up to her silently.  He shook her gently to wake her. 

"Theresa?" he couldn't keep the uneasiness out of his voice.

"Fenris?" she smiled when she saw him "...you came back."

He chuckled nervously, “I never left.  I was sitting in the next room.  I thought about it though."

"I'm glad you didn't.  I can't see well at night and would probably get lost trying to catch you."

It was his turn to smile faintly.  Taking her hand, he pulled her out of the chair and led her to bed.  Laying down with her he wrapped his arms around her.  He just wanted to hold her.  For a long time, they were both very quiet.  She cried but it was relief not pain, he kept her close until she quieted.

"Can you forgive me?" he asked softly.

"I would not be here if I did not forgive you." She kissed the lyrium on his throat flooding him with love and forgiveness so he could feel it too "As long as you promise never to leave me again."

"I promise." He whispered kissing her forehead.

* * *

 

"Oh, I have something for you."  Pulling away from him she crawled over the bed and reaching into her back she pulled out a wrapped package.

"A gift?" he asked taking the offered package "I don't..."

"Just take it.  When I found it I thought of you." She settled next to him on the bed again.

Opening the package and taking out the gift.  He looked at it confused and a little distressed.

"It’s...it's a book?" he asked looking at her.

"Of course, it's a book.  It's about Shartan.  The elf that helped Andraste free the slaves." She watched his face "Do you not like it?"

"It's not that."  He said sounding nervous, he set the book down on the bed "It's just...slaves aren't permitted to read.  I never learned how."

 " I can teach you."She caressed his cheek.  There was no pity in her voice, it was just loving.

He looked away from her. He felt ashamed for it, less of a person.  She turned his face to hers.  "Fenris.  In Lothering there were many people who didn't know how to read.  It's very common among the poor.  Don't be ashamed of an accident of your birth.  Look forward.  I don't think any less of you.  It is something that we can do together."

He chuckled "Next you'll be teaching me the Chant of Light and trying to get me into the Chantry like Sebastian. "

"I would not turn away your company when I go to the Chantry."  She replied, "But I do not seek to impose my beliefs on you."

"Why do you quote the Chant when you cast spells?"  he asked suddenly very curious about her faith.

"My magic is a gift from the Maker.  The Chant is his word.  I serve the Maker by using my magic to help mankind.  I seek to show my submission to the Maker by recounting the Chant of Light. “she looked out the window "I hope my prayers reach his ears and that he sees that there are mages that seek to help and not harm."

"You are the strongest mage I have ever met."  He told her "The strongest person really.  I am a very lucky man."

"Damn right you are."  She laughed when she answered rolling over to face him, she was only teasing but she saw distress in his face still "what's wrong?"

Taking her hands, he looked down at them. "Anders told me I nearly made you Tranquil.  Why didn't you tell me?"

"Oh, dear Maker."  She had hoped this would never come up "I didn't tell you because I didn't want to make an all ready tense situation worse.  It didn't matter anymore.  We both came out alive."

"It does matter, Theresa." He said "I had never thought that you could ever be Tranquil.  When I think about it now, it terrifies me and the thought that I could have done it to you is equally horrifying. I can't allow fate to happen to you.  I would die first."  Fenris met her gaze.

"Then we just have to make sure that doesn't happen."  She replied trying to lighten the mood "come on, “ she squeezed his arm "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

He sighed.  Relaxing he was ready to go to sleep.  "Will you stay tonight?"  he asked drowsy.

"Yes."  She yawned.

Getting comfortable they both soon fell asleep.  It had a been a tiring day for them both. They were grateful for the rest.

* * *

 

He hummed with delight when he woke and she was still in his arms.  He felt the sun warming the sheets, it was going to be another warm day.  He heard noise from Hightown.  _Hightown isn't up this early._ He frowned _what is today?_ He wondered _What month is it?  ...it's almost Summerday.  Oh, a parade.  Damned revelers. It's her birthday soon._  

"Morning." She said kissing his nose before stretching.

He grunted at her.  Which only made her laugh.  When she tried to rise he hooked his arm around her and pulled her underneath him.

"hey."  She called "Fenris I-" 

He silenced her with a kiss.  It had been months since he'd kissed her, felt her... He ran his hand along her thigh, reveling in her smooth skin. 

"Yes?" he asked.

"Will you be all right?" she asked caressing his cheek.

"If you are here with me, yes."  He answered kissing her again "I am no longer afraid." He meant it, with her here he had no reason to fear they would work through this.

He made love to her for the second time.  It wasn't nearly as distressing as the first time.  He wasn't frightened, although a little saddened when the memories faded.  He didn't focus on the flood of images, voices and people.  Instead he focused on her, the way she felt and connecting with her.  If he remembered something it was an added benefit.

* * *

 

"Can I take this off now?" she asked again. 

She's been riding for hours with her eyes blindfolded, he was insistent that she keep it on until they reach their destination.

"No."  his voice full of mirth "We are almost there."

It was another hour before they stopped and she heard him dismount.  She felt his hands on her waist when he helped her down.

"A little longer." He whispered taking her hand, he led her up a path.  She could hear water falling and could smell grass and wildflowers. She felt him reach around and untie the blindfold pulling it from her face.

After her eyes adjusted to the light she looked around.  They were standing in a field of knee high grass and wildflowers.  Beside them was a fast running stream with a five feet waterfall that poured into a still pool before lazily emptying out into the lower stream heading to the coast.  A short distance away were their horse grazing under the shade of a copse of trees. 

"Fenris.  It's lovely.  How did you find this place?" she asked utterly awestruck.

"I found it on our way into the Deep Roads.  I thought we could spend a few days out here away from the city.  Celebrate your birthday, just the two of us."  He was fidgeting with a wrapped package in his hands. 

"Oh, thank you Fenris.  I could not have thought of a better present.  It's so nice to be out away from the city." Spinning around she flopped on her back in the grass, staring up at the sky and the lazy clouds floating by "It's like this in my dreams."

"Really?" he asked, slipping the small package in his pocket "how so?"

"hmmm."  She hummed "it's warm and I'm lying in a field just like this, near a stream with the clouds floating by.  I can hear the song of the Maker playing all around me, but only if I'm very quiet and listen.

"I'm going to unpack the horses." 

"I'm going to lay here a little while."  She said listening to the wind blowing through the grass.

 _Why am I so nervous?  Just give it to her.  Tell her what you want.  How is that so hard?_ He remembered how hard it was for Aveline to tell that guardsmen how she felt. He was afraid.  Afraid she'd reject him even though he knew she wouldn't.  It was fear and it was inescapable.  But he did not have someone to push him into telling her, this he would have to do on this own.

She heard him sit down next to her.  _Go on, coward!  Just give it to her!_ Taking out the package he pressed it into her hands.  Then he sat back to watch her.

"What's this?" she asked inspecting the package.

"Ahem...open it."  He bade her after clearing his throat.

She smiled at him "You didn't have to get me anything."

He watched her with great interest.  She opened it slowly, taking her time.  Pulling out the small box and she looked at him before opening it.  He gave her a small, albeit nervous smile.  Looking inside she saw a pair of simple silver bands, they were engraved with intricate designs that started on the flattened edge of one and meandered onto the other and back.  He almost took it away from her in panic and his heart neatly stopped when she smiled.

"These are...they are beautiful."  Setting the box in her lap "But what does this mean?" she asked afraid to assume anything.

He cleared his throat.  _Why was this so hard?_ Suddenly he understood Aveline's plight. He took a deep breath then chuckled.  "I don't know why this is so hard."

"What is so hard?"

"Why it's so hard to tell you that I can't imagine life without you.  How I want to spend every waking moment with you and that even though I don't have much to give that I will stand by you for the rest of my life. " he blurted it out in one long breath so that he couldn't lose his nerve and stop half-way through.

He felt her hand on his cheek.  He couldn't help but lean into it.  She was smiling at him.  "I could not have imagined a better way for someone to tell me that he wanted to marry me.  Not since I was a girl dreaming of faerie tales. “ she wiped an unbidden tear from her eye and took a deep breath "I don't know what else to say."

"You don't need to say anything."  He felt like he was going to faint from relief. 

Taking one of the rings he slipped it over her finger.  He tried to stop his hands from shaking but his nerves were shot.  She kissed his hands. 

"Relax.  That hard part is over.  I already accepted."  She winked at him then put the other ring on his hand. "Forever mine."

He laughed.  He felt a little dizzy all of a sudden and was very glad that he was outside. She was right the hard part was over.   It felt right and different.  To have something he cherished so much.  Something to protect, something worth fighting and dying for. Kissing her he lay back down on the grass with her.

"Mother will be pleased.  She likes you."

"Does she?" he asked curiously. 

"She does.  She wants me to be happy.  I am most happy when I am with you." She told him.

"I suppose I should get my act together and stop living in a borrowed mansion." 

"Come live with me and mother. " she offered "We have plenty of room in that large house.  If you desire space a room can be made up for you. "

"If I am to come live with you then I would be staying with you." He answered kissing her head, he was rather surprised how easily he made that decision.  He didn't even have to think about it.  "After four years I am ready for move on."  He said echoing his own thoughts.

Ignoring her protests, he rolled over on top of her.  It aroused him to feel her pressed into him.  Feeling her breath and her breasts push against him.  He kissed her neck and collar bone.  Unfastening her robes, he pushed the fabric off of her shoulders.  The cool air caused goose bumps to rise on her skin, shivering she pulled his shirt off over his head.

He would never tire of feeling her skin against his.  The way the lyrium in his skin reacted to her touch, it was unlike anything he ever experienced. Her gasps, moans and sighs only encouraged him.  He reveled in the ecstasy of release. The sudden wave of euphoria that flooded them both and the cooling breeze on their skin.

He could not have asked for a better day in all his life.  Leaning down he whispered into her ear. "I love you." 


	23. Interlude: Starting Over

He'd never been in her house before, not further than the foyer.  It was strange that this was now home.  Not even the mansion he had spent the last four years in had felt anything close to that.  Had he ever had a home, truly?  He wondered if he ever had someplace that felt that way.  

The walls of the common room were mostly bare, save a few family portraits.  A warm and cheery fire was burning in the hearth.  Her hound napping comfortably nearby. 

"Welcome home Messere."  Bodhan greeted her when she entered.   "Master Fenris."  He nodded to Fenris.

Fenris stared at him.  He wasn't sure he was entirely comfortable with that title.  She was nobility, he knew it would happen a lot. "Please don't call me that.  Just Fenris." 

"Very well."  He answered, "there are no new letters, no out of control enchantments today is a good day."

She smiled "That's good.  Where is mother?" she asked.

"Out at the Chantry I believe. How was your trip?" he asked.

"It was very good."  Her smile was from ear to ear, "Will you set an extra place at dinner?  Fenris will be staying."

"Yes Messere." 

She looked to Fenris.  "Come.  Our room is upstairs."

 She took his hand leading him up the stairs.  Opening the door to the room she released him when they got to the center.  The room was very large.  The bed itself was twice the size of his.  It had itself own washing room and closet.  She had a large oaken desk and half a dozen book shelves.  A pair of Orlesian doors led to a balcony overlooking a small park in the Hightown district.

"This room is very large."  He commented taking in the sight.

"It was meant for two people.  Mother didn't want it, so she took one of the smaller bedrooms.  She told me since I owned the house I should have the master bedroom.  It's a little big for my tastes really."  She replied smiling at him.

"Is there no one you can share it with?" he ran his hand along her face and through her hair.

"I have my eyes on someone.  You might know him.  Tall, lanky, broody elf." She teased.

"I do not brood."  He protested throwing her over his shoulder.

"Hey!"  she called in surprise "put me down."

Marching over to her oversized bed he tossed her onto it following after pinning her down. "Not anymore. “he said softly shaking his head "I am perfectly content."

"So, this is you smiling?"  she asked mimicking one of Varric's earlier conversation with him.

She felt his chuckle rumbling deep in his chest.  "Yes, this is me smiling."

Smiling she reached up and smoothed the hair back from his face.  "Welcome home, Fenris."

* * *

 

He sat out on the balcony watching the sun set.  He could see the mansion he had been living in from her window.  He didn't miss it, not even remotely.   It was the simplicity of his life he did miss, even if had been empty.  He has more problems now, but the good kind.  He smiled when he thought back to when Theresa had offered to give me more problems of that variety.

He was having difficulty adjusting to the idea of having a home and a life, but he welcomed it.  Her mother had been very accepting of him.  It surprised him how warm of a welcome he received when Theresa told her that they were going to be married.  

He smiled.  He was going to have a wife soon, a family.  A new family.  It was very strange.  He thought he would be more apprehensive about it.  He was more reflective than anything.  He couldn't remember what he had been so afraid of that first night.  Was it the idea of having something to lose or her rejecting him?

"Fenris?" she called from inside the room.

"Out here."

"Are you all right?" she asked stepping out onto the balcony "you were very quiet at dinner."

"I am fine."  He smiled "Better than fine.  I was... thinking."

"What about?"  she asked sitting next to him.

 She wrapped her arms around his arm leaning her head on his shoulder. He could see her ring reflecting the fading light.  He took a deep breath and a long drink from his glass.

"About everything.  You. Me.  The past four years. “he sat back stretching his legs out "Everything stayed the same for so long.  There was no gradual change.  It was very fast when it came.  I am still adjusting to this new life.  To actually having a life." He laughed at the silliness of it, _oh what normal people took for granted_ , " It's something I look forward to but it's hard to let go of old ways of thought."

"Starting a new life is never easy. " 

He watched her lace her fingers with his.  He smiled at the feeling the traveled up his arm, the lyrium glowing faintly.

"It is easier with the right person." He kissed her hair "I am grateful for your patience."

"Love makes us patient."  She answered, "whether we want to be or not." She ended with a teasing tug on his arm.

"Indeed."  He chuckled, squeezing her hand "Your mother looked happy."

"She is utterly beside herself.  She wanted to plan the entire wedding.  She never thought I would get married.  Now with Carver in the Order, she'd glad that one us will be even if I will produce no heirs."  She saw the look on his face, “I told her we wanted a small, private ceremony.  She was disappointed but she agreed.  With how unstable Kirkwall is I would rather not have the entire city know I'm marrying anyone."

"Probably for the best. I certainly don't like that much attention on me." He told her draining the contents of his glass.

"I can only imagine."  She released a long sigh, he could feel the flow of energy in her shift “anyhow I'll talk to Sebastian and see when the best time would be."

"Have you told the others?"

"No not yet.  I told Sebastian when I went with mother to pray.  He is happy for us. Truly. “ she paused for a moment "You are stalling."  She said tugging on his arm.

"You could go tell them without me."  He suggested letting her pull him to his feet.

"What kind of impression would that make?"  she asked "Telling my friends I'm going to get married to a man that doesn't bother to show up.  No, you are going.  Besides they are your friends too."

"Mostly." He replied drily.

 

* * *

 

 He was more open with his affections now, allowing public displays when before it made him feel uncomfortable.  She sat on his lap talking with Isabela while he had his arms around her waist playing diamond back with Varric, Anders and Isabela.  He mostly ignored Anders, whom was sullenly playing cards and trying not stare at the couple.  He really did not like them being together.  He still wanted her for himself. 

"So, you and Fenris huh?" Isabela asked apparently unconcerned that he is sitting right there.

"Yes." She answered smiling, she wasn't sure she was going to like where this conversation was going. Fenris watched Isabela out of the corner of his eye.

"I hear he still wears chains of his bondage under his clothes. “ Isabela began "You know what they say about a man like that?"

"I have a feeling I will regret being curious."  She said with a sigh.

She felt Fenris growl softly.  She leaned against him wrapping an arm around his neck and stroking the markings on that side of his neck.  Anders saw the lyrium on that side glowing faintly where she was touching him.  _I wonder how her magic affects him. If it's just hers or all magic?_   He wondered only because Fenris would **not** allow him to heal him.  Ever.

"He can't find a saw!"  she finished unexpectedly, she busted up laughing "and you thought I was going to say something dirty."

She heard Fenris choke on his drink.  Covering his mouth, he choked it down rather than spitting it all over the table. She turned quickly.

 "Are you all right?" wine dripping between his fingers and on her lap. She couldn't help but giggle while he was attempting to swallow and cough at the same time. "I'll get you a towel."

"That was a good one Rivaini!"  Varric applauded and couldn't help but laugh at the poor choking elf.

Anders also cracked a smile, mostly watching Fenris.  He watched Theresa rose and went into the Taproom.  He rose soon after her following her up to the bar.

"Can I get a towel, one of my friends made a mess of themselves." She couldn't help but giggle. 

"Sure thing, Hawke." The barkeep said turning to find something relatively clean.

Setting his tankard on the bar Anders stopped next to her.

"Hello Anders."  She said smiling broadly. 

He looked at her, _how could she be so happy? With him of all things?_ "Theresa..."

Her expression changed into concern mixed with curiosity "What is it Anders?"

He sighed, "I know it is my place to criticize but...are you sure about Fenris?" he asked.

She frowned, she didn't like this line of questioning.  "I am. Why?"

"It's just...he seems less of a man to me than a wild dog." Explaining as she leaned against the counter.

"Don't say that.  You just don't know him." She answered taking the towel from the barkeep "thank you."

"Don't mention it Hawke." He said winking at her.

"I know as much as I'm ever likely to."  Anders tried to keep the jealousy from creeping into his voice.

"That's right, _mage_."  Fenris said in a low tone.  When he overheard what Anders had said.  He narrowed his eyes at the mage.

"See, Theresa, he's let one bad experience color his whole world.  Surely you want someone more open minded?" he asked finally putting it out there.

She felt the anger rising in Fenris.  Pressing the hand that had the towel in it against his chest she pushed against Fenris.  He looked at her than back at the mage.  Growing loudly like an animal.  "A mage and a hypocrite.  What company you keep." 

"Fenris." She urged "Please..."

He growled taking the towel from her.  He backed away heading back towards the stairs.  She watched him leave before turning back to Anders.

"That same thing could be said about you Anders.  You've let your experiences in the Circle color your world and  it has effected Justice's.  You two are not so different.  He at least found something worth loving in a mage." Her voice was soft and firm "You are my friend.  That's all you will ever be, my friend.  I've made my choice.  Accept it."

He stood there standing rigid from her rebuke.  He watched her walk back to that _mongrel_.  Returning to Varric's suite she retook her seat on Fenris' lap.  He leaned in and kissed her neck.  He could sense the tension still in her, though she was doing her best to hide it.

"Oh, you two stop it.  You're making me queasy."  Isabela cried pretending to be annoyed.

She felt Fenris smile against her neck, which tickled.  Giggling she shrunk away, but was unable to go far because of the hold he had on her hips.

"That tickles." Smiling he pulled her close and did it again. "Fenris, stop it!" she started giggling again.

“...A-Ahem..."  Varric cleared his throat getting everyone's attention "Back to cards, yes?  Elf it's your bet."

 

* * *

 

Fenris tossed down his last hand of cards.  It was a high hand.  He heard everyone groan. When he pulled the coins towards him and into a purse.

"Luckiest damned Elf I've ever seen. “Varric said tossing his cards down.

 _Lucky indeed._ Anders thought.

"I need to go. “he said tucking the purse in his tunic "She's out cold."

"You got that?" Varric asked "It's a long walk to Hightown."

"I'll be fine." He said gathering her up in his arms, his voice trailed when Isabela was staring at him "What?"

"Oh nothing.  You're very lanky, for an elf.  I like lanky."  She said pointedly staring at his arms then his crotch.

 "From what I gather, you like a lot of things." He replied shifting Theresa's weight.

"Nonsense.  But what I see something I like, I go after it."

He groaned.  "Stay your distance woman!"

"Now you are just making it challenging." She said winking at him.

He released his breath in a grunting sigh.  His face firmly pressed into a scowl.  Walking past the busty pirate he tried not to touch her but she was standing in such a way that his hands brushed against her.  It made his skin crawl, he couldn't imagine what kind of diseases she was carrying.  _Filthy pirates._


	24. Tranquility

_He was no certain how long he had been searching for her, only that he had not been able to find her for some time.  Opening their bedroom door he saw her standing in front of the orlesian doors.  The doors were open and a strong breeze blowing the curtains around her legs like a silken mist._

_She's here why am I so apprehensive?_ _he looked around and nothing was amiss, everything was as it should be. **Where have you been?** he asked trying to calm himself. _

**_I have been in the Gallows._ ** _Her voice was flat, toneless, devoid of any emotion._

_His heart felt like it was going to burst through his chest.  He felt dizzy from the amount of panic flooding through him, he could barely keep his voice steady._

**_W-Why were you in the Gallows?_ ** _he asked **Why are you talking like that?** _

_He approached her slowly.  He was terrified.  He refused to allow those thoughts to enter his mind.  He turned her slowly to face him.  His face twisted in horror when he saw that brand.  He recoiled in horror.  His breath was caught in his chest, he couldn't speak or even scream._

**_I turned myself into the Circle and asked to be made Tranquil.  It was what you wanted.  A life without magic.  Now we can live without magic spoiling our lives._ **

**_No..._ ** _he whispered backing away from her **This isn't happening.** He said shaking his head **This isn't real.**_

_She looked at him, not even confusion cold be seen it was just flat.  Her eyes dull and lifeless. **Why do you recoil?  We can be together now.  Perfectly safe.  The Templar's say I will no longer be an affront to the Maker.** She reached out to touch him. _

_He screamed and pulled away from him. **NO!  you...you are a shell!**  He backed up until the wall would not allow him to go any further.  **Get away from me!**_

**_But husband, this is what you wanted.  I am free of my burdens._ **

_It was all too much.  He stood petrified when she touched him.  There was...nothing.  He felt nothing.  No bond, no feelings of any kind, not anything.  She was an empty vessel, without desires or dreams.  He felt anger replacing fear, he hated this thing. **YOU ARE NOT HER!!!**  Fenris struck out at the Tranquil shade, punching her directly across the face and knocking her to the ground. _

**_Why do you strike me husband?_ ** _She asked in that same monotone voice._

**_You are not her._ ** _He repeated unable to hold back the tears **Yo-You are a shell.  An empty vessel.  You are filled with nothing.  NOTHING!  You are not her.**  He dropped slowly to his knees, **Give her back.** **Please, give her back.**_

**_I am her._ ** _It replied._

**_NO!_ ** _he screamed slamming his fists into the ground, **you are NOT HER!** He looked up at the shadow thing he let the anger over take him.  Leaping at the shadow thing he struck the thing down by crushing its heart.  He watched it dissolve into nothing, leaving him standing there in the darkness. _

_He heard footsteps in the dark.  He searched frantically. He could feel her again, if but just barely. **Theresa!** He yelled her name, following the footsteps. _

_The darkness opened up into a vast field of knee high grasses, out of which behind him was a dark cave set into the side of a hill. He could see a shape cresting the hill, it was in the shadow of the sun so it was impossible to see its face._

**_THERESA!_ ** _He yelled more frantic._

_He sprinted up the hill as fast as he could following the retreating shape. Cresting the hill he saw a woman standing with her back to him, sun colored hair blew across her back in the wind, glittering in the sun.  she was wearing a pale peach and ivory dress with a wedding band holding her curly hair in some semblance of order._

_His heart leapt into his throat.  It was her.  Turning her to face him he searched her face for the brand.  he backed away, he didn't see the brand but it also wasn't what he expected to find.  It was her and yet it wasn’t.  Her eyes were a solid blue of lyrium, swirling like mists.  Her skin glittered and shimmered._

**_What is this?_ ** _He asked, **who are you?** He demanded. _

**_I am the spirit that fills the vessel.  The Heart of the Maker._ ** _It answered melodiously, it's very voice like a song **I am Faith.** It smiled fondly at him **Or the Shadow.**_

_He recognized that name.  He'd heard Theresa speak of this Shadow and even seen it in her after image but never directly._

**_I thought you two were one?_ ** _He asked the Shadow._

**_We are.  I start here,_** _it pointed in one direction **and she begins there.** She pointed the other way, **and we end here.**_ _She placed both hands on her chest. **We are the same yet we are apart.**_

_He watched the spirit.  Looking around he saw the grasses dancing in the wind, puffy clouds floating lazily across the sky and a creature that looked like a Halla only instead of two twisted and carved antlers both growth into the center spiraling upwards, it stood grazing not far away. It did not appear to be aware of them or it did not care._

**_Why did you bring me here?_ ** _He demanded **I know it was you.  Why?**_

_Faith turned towards the creature, gazing at it. **I showed you what you take for granted.  Everything you love, everything that she is, is tied into her connection with the Fade, her magic.  Could you love her if it were gone?  Or would you strike her down like that nightmare shade?** She turned back to him, **Perhaps it is time you stop thinking about how much of a danger she 'could' be and think about far you would go to protect 'her' from the dangers all mages face.**_

**_Mages are a danger.  Their magic has spoiled countless lives._ ** _He countered. **Look at Tevinter, spirit!**_

_She turned her lyrium colored eyes onto him.  He could feel his markings react to simply her gaze. **Y-You caused this to happen.**_ _He whispered, **this bond is your doing.**_

**_Yes.  An unforeseen product of me saving her life.  Also, her ability to survive massive amounts of Lyrium exposure and her resistance to becoming addicted to it.  But does that make it less precious?  Without me she would have remained dead when that Templar stabbed her._ **

**_I thought ..._ **

**_No.  She had already fled this world.  I pleased with the Maker to release her.  I exchanged my life for hers, binding myself to a mortal life.  I am forever hers.  Not even death can separate us now._ ** _Faith reached out and touched his face.  He sighed, closing his eyes he leaned into her hand. **Protect her, Fenris.  Her plights are your plights.  Her success is your success.  By the same measure her death will yours as well.**_

**_Oh...Maker..._ ** _He squeezed his eyes shut._

**_I can protect her soul from demons, you must protect her body from harm.  Promise..._ ** _Faith's voice faded away._

**_I promise..._ **

****

* * *

 

Fenris woke with a start.  Momentarily panicked he felt beside him and nearly cried in relief when he felt her still sleeping beside him.  He ran his fingers over her forehead, checking for the brand. Closing his eyes he laid back, working to calm his raging heart.  It was painful how hard it was pounding.

 _She's safe.  She's not Tranquil._ He said to himself.  Breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth until he felt under control again.  He rose careful not to wake her.  Walking silently over to the basin she washed the night sweat from his face and neck.  _She is the vessel of the spirit.  A spirit of faith, giving its life to save hers. Isn't that what abominations are?_ He asked himself looking back at her peacefully sleeping on the bed.  _No, it's not.  Abominations only destroy.  They mind are no longer their own.  Her...her mind is her own.  She's something more...infinitely rarer._

 

* * *

 

"Have you finally changed your mind about the plight of mages?" Anders was surprised to see that Fenris accompanied her to help him stop Ser Alrik. 

"No."  his answer was short and firm.

"But you are here all the same to help us."  he said both confused and suspicious.

"Let me make this abundantly clear, mage."  Fenris said when she was out of earshot "I follow her.  If she supports you and your plight, then I follow her.  I don't give a damn about the rest of you or your plight." Stepping back from the surprised mage he took his place at Hawke's side.

Anders watched him stroke her hair and kiss the side of her head.  Whatever the reason he was standing with them, he was glad they had a strong arm with them.   Turning from them he finished gathering what they needed to get this done.

 

* * *

 

They arrived just in time to see Ser Alrik approaching a cornered mage.  She was young and frightened, with dark skin and hair.  Her Circle robes dirty and her hair disheveled and covered in debris.

"No....please!"  she pleaded "I haven't done anything wrong."

"That's a lie.  You know what we do to mages that lie." Ser Alrik's voice was low and filled with cruelty.

"I just wanted to see my mum.  No one ever told them where they were taking me."  She tried to explain.

Theresa looked over at Anders.  She was alarmed when Justice threatened to break through.  Anders fought back and for the time being quelled the angry spirit. "No, no, no, this is their place.  We cannot-"

"So, you admit your attempted escape? You know what happens to mage that toe the line around here, don't you?" he asked approaching her menacingly.

"Please! No! “ she pleaded leading to hysterical and dropping to her knees "Don't make me Tranquil, I'll do anything!"

"That's right.  Once you're Tranquil, you'll do anything I ask." Ser Alrik looked down at her with nothing but cruelty and malice.

"That's enough!"  Theresa called her voice firm.  Fenris could not fault her in wanting to stop this, he could see this girl being Theresa and that thought alone was enough to make him want to kill this man.

"Your fiends will never take another mage again!"  she heard Justice break through finally, Anders was unable to keep him at bay any longer. 

Everyone exploded into action.  Swiftrunner ran forward putting himself between the mage girl and the Templar's.  She heard Fenris bellow and charge Ser Alrik.  Never had she seen him attack with such conviction before, she wondered why but that was a question for another time.  Justice in control of Anders lashed out at every Templar with all he had.   She hung back with Varric healing those that took injuries.  She had no desire to enter the battlefield with two very violent men fighting as if they were both possessed, one literally was.

She saw Ser Alrik fall, his sword clattered to ground and echoed throughout the suddenly quiet chamber.  Justice still in control turned. 

"They all must die!  I will see every Templar dead for these abuses!"

"Anders, they are all dead.  We've killed them all.  Calm down."  Theresa tried to reason with the entity.

"Every last one of them will feel Justice's burn!" he growled turning to the terrified mage girl.

She screamed cowering. "Get away from me demon!"

"I am no demon!"  he bellowed insulted and angry "Are you one of them, to call _me_ such?"

"Anders!"  Theresa cried running between them "This girl is a mage.  The reason we are here.  Stop this."

"She is theirs! I can feel their hold on her."  He growled "Get out of my way! Or die alongside her."

"No!" she felt something change and the world went a brilliant white.  When the light cleared Justice was standing face to face with another vesseled spirit. "You will stand down, Justice!"  Her voice carried the same echo as it did in the Fade.  He wondered if this would weaken her, having to force her way into the mortal world.  "This girl is the reason we fight.  You would kill her out of your rage?  You would be better than the demons!"  she turned her head "Seek shelter, child." She told the girl without allowing Justice a chance to strike.

She watched as Anders buckled over covering his face.  Temporarily weakened as Justice's control left him, he was left standing staring at the vessel.  She was brilliant.  Not like Justice.  Justice was powerful but not like this.  Some things were more powerful than even Justice. It was faith.

"Maker, no.  I almost...if you had not been here...I need to get out here." 

The moment Justice's control fled the spirit could no longer hold control.  Weakened by the use of both its and her power Theresa collapsed to the ground. 

"Theresa!" Fenris called coming to her side, when she didn't respond he looked at Varric "Water."

Varric handed him the waterskin he kept in his pack.  The cold water woke her. She came too slowly.  She was dreadfully pale and her eyes dark. 

"Drink this."  Fenris pressed the waterskin to her lips.

"The girl?" she asked after swallowing.

"She's alive.  What happened?" he asked concerned.

"I-I...I'm not sure.  I felt something change and then all I saw was brilliant white light. “ she looked at him "I think my Shadow came out."

"Let's not do that anymore.  One glowing possessed mage is enough."  Varric said chuckling while he searched Alrik's body, pocketing a letter “let's get out of here before more Templar's arrive."

"Agreed."  Fenris lifted her up and followed Varric out.


	25. Looking Ahead

_He had become aware he was in a dream, he wasn't sure how though he had suspicions it had to do with his bond with Hawke. He was accustomed to having pleasant dreams or being aware of them, given this he had difficulty simply telling it be.  His sleeping mind was an open place, far more open than he was._

_He saw faces, places, thing and heard voices.  He knew it was familiar but he couldn't place any of it. The only thing he recognized was an elf-child that he knew was himself. He was wearing a dirty tunic and couldn't be more than six or seven.  He was smiling.  He wondered what joy he found in those days.   He had dark hair then and a face untainted by the sorrows of his adult life.  An elder child, she must have been five years or so older than he sit with him telling him stories. He was hugging a ragged, hand sewn toy to his chest._

**_That is a wonderful memory._ ** _He heard behind him, he didn't have to turn to see it was Shadow._

**_It's strange, I know it's me but I can't place it.  It's like I'm looking on someone else's life._ ** _He frowned despite the good memory in front of him **Why is it you come and not Theresa?**_

**_I let her rest._ ** _Shadow explained **This is where I exist.  In dreams.  Memories.**_

**_Do you miss the Fade?_ ** _He asked still watching the memory, it eventually faded into the mists of his mind leaving them in a dense, heavy fog._

**_No._ ** _Shadow answered after thinking about it, **Faith does nothing it will regret.  Moves only forward, never back.  I am content and happy with my new life, I do not miss my old one.**_

**_I understand why you are in her dreams but why mine?  You do not live in me._ ** _He asked turning to face the glittering spirit._

**_I love you.  She loves you and I love you.  She and I are one, what she loves I love._ ** _Shadow answered._

**_You only love because she does?_ ** _He wasn't surprised but it still stung._

**_Faith loves everyone, Fenris.  As a spirit in the Fade I loved all the Makers creations unconditionally, even Demons.  As part of her, I love you most of all._ ** _She clarified. **And if you came to her, you would talk to her.**_

_He watched as another image presented itself.  It wasn't any forgotten memory, but a scene with him standing with Theresa.  She was holding a baby, a beautiful child in her arms. His heart leapt, never had he been so happy. Though it was sobering to know it was a dream and frustrating that it could never be._

**_You look displeased._ ** _Shadow said watching his face **Is this not a pleasant wish?**_

**_It is a wish that can never be!_ ** _He growled willing it away, though it did not go away **Why does it show me this?**_

**_It is a dream, Fenris.  Dreams show us what we've forgotten, what we fear and what we wish for._ ** _Shadow reached out and touched the surface, it rippled like a still pond disrupting the image when the image stilled again it was different._

_They were looking at Theresa's dreams. She was dreaming about him.  She was laying with him in a meadow, holding him and watching the clouds in the sky.  She was whispering something to him, but he couldn't hear her._

**_What is this?_ ** _He asked._

**_Her dreams.  She dreams of wishes also._ ** _She looked at him **Nothing is impossible with faith, Fenris.  Miracles happen every day.**_

* * *

Sitting at her table she was only partially listening to her mother going about dress colors, she was sketching something on a piece parchment. Sitting up she looked at her mother as she was holding asking the tailor about fabric. 

"I want this."  She said handing the parchment back. "I want it rose colored with an ivory veil."

Her mother stopped and looked at it "That' hardly proper for a woman of your-"

"Mother, it's my wedding.  I can wear what I want and in the colors that I want.  I'm not a virgin. I am not wearing white."  She grasped her hands "Let me have my dress and you can invite anyone you want to the reception and plan it how you want. Compromise?"

Her mother sighed, but smiled.  "All right darling. Are you sure you aren’t going want to wait until spring?"  she asked, "that's the traditional time."

"Yes I am sure."  She squeezed her hands "Harvestmere.  Autumn has good weather for an outdoor wedding the spring rains too much.  It will be fine mother."

"What will the groom be wearing?" the tailor asked.

"Oh, probably something from Seheron and in dark colors."  She answered "I don't know.  It doesn't matter to me as long as he is there."

"I know a pattern from near there.  May I adjust this?" the tailor asked.

"Please." She answered. 

The tailor excused herself to go work on the pattern.  Her mother sighed and smiled at her.

"I am so proud of you.  My little girl finally all grown up."

"Mother."  She laughed "I've been grown up for a while."

"I'll tell Carver when I go see him today. "

"Speaking of which you should get going.  It's getting late.  I need to get ready for the festival tonight." Theresa said pulling out her mask.  It was a gold and red lacquered butterfly mask with glass beads that reflected light. 

"Be careful tonight sweetheart." 

"I will.  Go on.  Go see Carver." She said gently pushing her mother out.

 

* * *

 

"Harvestmere, huh?" Varric asked "I thought you two would get hitched immediately. "

"We are in no hurry.  Is there a reason it should be so urgent?" she asked.

"Well, you are giving him time to change his mind."  Varric teased.

She looked at him.  He was flustered, Isabela must have been teasing him.  "Given the available options I think I'm the best choice."

"Good point, Hawke.  Out of the people he knows you are the best." Now he was teasing her.

"Hey now, dwarf.  You are among one of those people that I know."

"And if you were a cute dwarf I might kiss you."  He watched her face “As long as you let me embellish your wedding."

"Embellish what you wish as long as you don't embarrass me."

That made him laugh.   They sat in relative silence enjoying their drinks when a very flustered and annoyed Fenris stalked away from Isabel and back to his wife-to-be. She leaned into him and received only a grunt in reply.  Laying her hand on his lap she stroked the back on his hand where it rested on a his thigh.

"What did she say?"

"She wants to know what color my underclothes are. “ he said not looking up. He heard her talking again to people at the bar about him " _Venhedis_! Excuse me."

She suspected there was more to it than that.  Watching him stalk into the Taproom.

Varric leaned in close to her "You know as your friend, I feel I need to say something. "

"What's on your mind Varric?"  she asked giving him a small smile.

"You do know that elf is covered in spikes, like an angsty porcupine?  He might have some....issues."

She started laughing.  Varric watched her carefully, but she kept giggling. "He doesn't where them at home."  She said between her giggles.

"But you didn't deny the angsty part?"  he asked, "After what happened I worry Hawke."

"I know you mean well, Varric."  She reached out and squeezed his hand "you are a good friend, always watching out for me.  But really I'll be okay."

"You're getting soft on me Hawke."  He said, "Oh don't look at me like that!"  he said pulling his hand away when she smiled at him.

"Varric?" she asked.

"Yes, Hawke?" he was trying to cover up how concerned he really was, he was happy for her but he didn't think he'd care about anyone, that wasn't family, as much as he cared about her, she was family.

"I found this at a Lowtown merchants stand.  I think it's yours."  She set the clan ring on the table.

"This is my father's clan ring!"  he sighed picking the ring up "Bartrand hocked it to pay for the expedition.  Mother was so angry.  There is nothing like a drunken angry mother dwarf."

She giggled again "I'm sure it was interesting. "

"Thank you Hawke.  I really mean it."  He said pocketing the ring.

She smiled at him.  "Don't mention it.  You know Varric I have a name, it would nice to hear you call me by it."

"What's your name?" he asked acting the fool.

"Varric!"  she shoved his shoulder playfully.

"Theresa doesn't have the same ring as Hawke.  " he said "anyhow your Elf seems to like to have the monopoly on using your first name.  "

She turned watching him arguing with Isabela.  "You know, you'd think after four years he'd learn he's never going to win."

"He's a little dense."  Varric said taking a draw from his tankard "him and Blondie both."

"Speaking of Anders, I haven't seen him around." Turning back to Varric.

"He's been avoiding this place since you and the Elf announced your wedding plans.  "

She sighed.  It was his turn to pat her hand. 

"He'll come around.  For all his faults he cares too much to miss it.  I'll keep an eye on him.  Go save your elf from the Rivaini." He nodded towards the arguing pair and his continually flustered expression and Isabela's amused one.


	26. Masquerade Night

The streets were lit with colored paper lanterns, shops erected selling food, toys and other baubles to the masked revelers.  The streets were filled with music, dancing and costumed revelers wearing elaborate masks.  It was all very grand the Funalis Masquerade. The entire city seemed to forget its troubles for just one night.  The masks changed everything, Templar danced with mage, human with elf and all other manner of pairings.

He was easy to spot in the crowd.  He was taller than most humans and his stark white hair made him a beacon in the sea of people.  He wore a dusty gray mask, trimmed with black beads and embellished with silver swirling patterns and black flowering design between the eyes.  His costume consisted of his black coat and a deep green surcoat and he looked terribly uncomfortable. 

He turned when she touched his arm.  She left him breathless.  Her butterfly shaped mask left only her nose, mouth and eyes visible.  It was a deep red and gold with subtle black swirling designs. Her hair was bundled up near the crown of her head and held in place with glittering hair pins.  A thin strapped dress in a pale rose color hung from her shoulders, the gently sloping of the neckline immediately brought his eyes to her breast where he could see her Chantry amulet. Blushing he fixed his gaze on her face.

He cleared his throat. "You look nice."  _Nice?_ He chastised himself _She looks far better than nice...if there was a dark ally..._ he shook his head to clear it of lustful thoughts.

"So, do you."  She pulled him down to kiss his cheek, but he turned his head so she met his lips instead.  She smiled at him.

"Tonight, you can be anything you want.  What would you wish to be?"  she asked taking his arm.

Watching her out of the corner of his eye, he thought about it.  Wishes were never allowed in Tevinter, it never occurred to him he could dream or wish for anything. Until now.

"Fenris?" she asked when he didn't respond.

He chuckled softly.  "I only wish to be your husband."  He knelt in front of her ignoring the stares from the crowd.

"Alright husband."  Smiling at him "I want to go dancing."

He liked the way that sounded coming from her. As he rose he ignored the fact she hadn't divulged what she wished for.  She didn't need to, he knew what it was. Taking her hand, he led her out to where the dancing was.

"I thought you didn't know how to dance?" she asked pleasantly surprised.

"I learned for you." He leaned in to whisper in her ear "Later I will show you what else I learned."

He smiled when she blushed beneath her mask, it crept down onto her chin and she hid her face in the collar of his coat.  Wrapping his arms around her, he forgot about all his troubles just for tonight.

 

* * *

 

"Let's go somewhere more private."  He whispered in her ear.

When she smiled he took her hand and led her through the streets until they reached her home.  Leading her upstairs, he could hardly keep his excitement under control. Stopping him she ran her hands up his chest and over his shoulders dropping his coat to the floor. She smiled from beneath her mask.  He kissed her, ignoring the masks.  The barrier made for a pleasant surprise. In the moments he was distracted she'd unwound his sashes leaving them pooled at her feet. 

"You are rather good at undressing me." He commented glancing at the trail of clothing.

"I watched you put it on." She whispered pushing his surcoat to the floor.

 Even before she'd stopped speaking she was halfway done unfastening his tunic.  He reveled in how she touched him and how it made him feel. Sliding the than straps from her shoulders he watched her dress slip from her body, leaving her bare before him. He drank in the sight of her.  He didn't stop her from undressing him further or even protest when she took the dominant role. 

"I am yours."  He whispered in submission to her. 


End file.
